The best of the week august 18 – 21 – The Howard Stern Show
Friday, August 22, 2008THE BEST OF THE WEEK AUGUST 18 – 21 The Howard Stern Show for August 22, 2008TUES: The Staff Karaoke Contest THE STAFF KARAOKE CONTEST
Howard welcomed Staind to the studio to be the backing band for the Staff Karaoke Contest and brought in the first contestant, Ronnie the Limo Driver, to sing
Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time.” Ronnie complained about having to sing the song – he wanted to sing Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” – even though he loves Cher
(and had gone to see her perform at Madison Square Garden). Ronnie then pretty much just spoke the lyrics. Howard was pissed: “You suck! Sit down! You’re horrible…I’m turning this off. You’re horrible!”
Next up was Jason with Aerosmith’s “What it Takes,” which was horrifically off-key. After a couple minutes of Jason’s screeching, Howard told Jason to “Sit the f’ down.” Artie said Jason at least went for it, so Howard gave him
two points to Ronnie’s 0.0. Tim Sabean then came in to perform Johnny Cash’s “Fulsom Prison Blues.” Tim actually carried the song, although Staind had a laugh at Tim’s off-beat foot-stomping, and everyone else agreed that Tim was the leader so far.
JD PHONES IT IN
JD was the next contestant, with what was sure to be a hilarious version of The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again.” Despite the dozens of lapdances he could buy with the
prize money, JD just spoke his lyrics Ronnie-style. Artie joked: “You gotta hear Jared Fox [JD's archrival] sing that song…it’s like you’re at a Who concert.” The
final contestant, Scott the Engineer, tried his hand at Crosby Stills Nash & Young’s “Ohio” and nailed it. Everyone agreed that the $500 prize belonged to Scott as he had the least worst performance. Staind then performed “Believe,” the single from their new album.
THURS: Katy Perry In Studio KATY PERRY HAS A SECRET
Howard welcomed singer Katy Perry to the studio. After telling her he loved her music and asked how her traveling-minister parents reacted to her first single, “I
Kissed A Girl.” Katy said her parents were at her last few shows and are very supportive. Howard wondered if Katy had ever kissed a girl, and Katy admitted she did – but she’s never had lesbian sex. Katy then performed an acoustic version of “I Kissed A Girl.”
Afterward, Howard asked Katy how large her breasts were, and the answer surprised everyone: DD! Howard and the gang then began begging for a peek, and Katie
obliged, lifting up her shirt to show the crew the more revealing top she had on underneath. Later, everyone had a laugh as HowardTV brought up footage of Artie rocking out to Katy’s performance on the in-studio monitors.MON: Howard gives George prenup advice GEORGE CONSIDERS A PRE-NUP
Howard mentioned that he was surprised at George’s one-day-a-week sex life with his fiancé, Brad, so George explained: “Sunday’s a day when he doesn’t have to deal with emails or telephone calls – that’s what he tells me.” George added that he and Brad won’t be getting a pre-nup: “I trust him…I don’t think it’s gonna end.” Howard listed several reasons why George should change his mind, and George eventually confessed that he was starting to consider the idea: “Maybe we should have that…We just may have that conversation tonight.” WED: Johnny Fratto calls to tell Howard he’s had enough of Eric the Midget MUTINY ABOARD THE JFSC
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Johnny Fratto called in to talk about “that rotten little midget,” saying Eric was becoming a pain to deal with: “I want to choke him.” Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to second Johnny’s complaint, citing a job Eric recently turned down for one of his strip club owner friends. Johnny said Eric also reneged on another recent appearance agreement (in Vegas, no less) because his favorite porn star, Brandy Talore, wouldn’t be attending.
Eric explained that he had been hoping to see Brandy at the appearance, and when she declined, he felt like he’d been “misled.” George thought Eric was being ungrateful, as so many people were trying to help him. Eric said he’d rather get help from Brandy: “She’s the hottest, bustiest porn star in the business.” Johnny asked Eric to show up for the appearance in Vegas anyway – and promised the little guy that he could yell at him for weeks if he didn’t have a good time.WED: George Takei’s Very Gay Bachelor PartySOME GAY PORN FOR GEORGE
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Richard came in to kick off George’s gay bachelor party with a clip from a gay bondage film. George wasn’t really a fan of the bondage, but he did envy Richard’s job: “You get to sit around and watch these all day?…I’ll have to put my glasses on.” Richard then showed George a couple more clips, and George lamented: “It’s a shame that this is radio and [the listeners] can’t see this.” Robin laughed that for most people, it wasn’t a shame.
THE 14 INCH FALCON
Howard welcomed Jonah Falcon, the host of “Let’s Talk Yankees” who’s frequently the butt of Richard & Sal’s prank calls, to show George his 14” penis. Jonah said he was bi-sexual – but “never taken” it from a guy – adding that he had sex
with a woman as recently as last weekend. Jonah then whipped it out, and George was impressed: “Oh my goodness!…Do you get pleasure throughout the whole 14”?” Jonah answered that he had the most sensitivity in the head.
Jonah offered to let George touch his penis, and after noting that Brad wasn’t listening, George crossed the room: “I wanna feel it…it’s scrunched up…this protrusion here is kind of intrusive.” Howard told George it looked like he was milking a cow: “I see you were tugging on it!” George
and Jonah also shared a kiss, but George was disappointed: “You had garlic for breakfast didn’t you?” Jonah then sang a song from a Muppet movie to George, which cracked Artie up: “Nothing is real anymore!”
THE PRETTIEST PENIS CONTEST
Howard then welcomed several men for The Prettiest Penis Contest. The first contestant was 78-years-old and fully nude. George said the guy’s penis was “a well-balanced
penis, but it lacks a little volume.” The second contestant, Maury, whipped his out as well – after a little “chubbing up” – and George was unimpressed. George was more excited by the next contestant, Mike, who also had a “well-balanced” penis.
The fourth contestant, Go-Go Boy, said he was a try-sexual (“I try anything”) and George loved his package: “It’s beautiful. It could use a little bit of a workout.” The next contestant said he was “one of the original jackasses,” and, despite his best efforts, ended up having his “entry”
dismissed. The next guy had a circumcised penis but used a device (Fred called it a “penis restoration cone”) to regenerate his foreskin. George was impressed (“Good for you!”) but gave the award and the $500 prize to Mike, the third guy.
GEORGE SERENADED BY A VILLAGE PERSON
Randy from the Village People called in to promote his new solo album, “Ticket to the World,” and sing a little bit of “Y.M.C.A.” as part of George’s bachelor party. Howard asked if any of the Village People were actually straight, so Randy estimated that only “about 60%” of the people who were in the band over the years were gay. After George and Randy talked for a little while, Randy sang him a medley of the “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” theme song and “Y.M.C.A.”
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