Howard told the crew his daughter recently asked to hear his Eminem interview, so he had to have Gary check the audio before sending it over. Gary came in to say he only took out a couple things, citing jokes Howard had made about ecstasy and having sex with his father: “That interview is incredible…he can’t tell you enough…and he’s funny too!” Howard had one little piece of advice for the young rapper he wanted Gary to add into the original interview for his daughter’s benefit: “You should’ve waited till you got married to have sex.”

Dr. Drew stopped by to promote Vh1’s “Sex Rehab” and insisted – no matter what anyone else claims – that sex addiction is a serious issue: “It can go way too far.” Drew cited “Sex Rehab” participant, Amber Smith as someone with a “love addiction,” an infatuation with “the idea. The fantasy…these are all intimacy disorders.” Howard asked what healthy intimacy was, so Drew explained: “To be comfortable giving and receiving love.”

Robin took issue with Drew’s penchant for mentioning her “off the charts” narcissism test results during his last press tour: “I don’t like reading about myself…I’m no ‘tested 34.’ That was bogus.” Drew apologized, but Robin continued: “You just don’t sit there and say now Robin Quivers is this, this, this and this based on some test I took home and did however I did…it’s in print, Drew. You can’t apologize. There’s no book that the re-test will come out in. There’s no way to undo what he did.”

told the crew he had to kick Kari Ann Peniche (and several staffers) off “Sex Rehab” after a physical incident: “She wouldn’t get out of bed. She was being abusive…I actually fired staff…they were provoked to a point where they had to go away.” Drew added that Kari Ann was doing much better after the taping of the upcoming season of “Celebrity Rehab.”

Drew said he wasn’t a fan of subutex (the drug that ultimately failed to help Artie kick heroin): “It’s the new methadone basically.”

Or the effect of porn on young males: “They all want to have anal sex. And women don’t like it! They’re in pain and yet they subject themselves to this.” Or of the salary Vh1 pays him for the various “Rehab” shows: “My dream is to put my kids through graduate school.”

Dane Cook stopped by and told the crew he was pretty pathetic before hitting it big: “I was masturbating – violently – 23 hours a day…it’s been a wild ride. But I’m still masturbating violently. I still find the time.” Asked about his celebrity hook-ups, Dane wouldn’t admit to banging Jessica Simpson: “[There were] little dalliances here and there…that was just kinda hanging out.” And denied bedding Kate Hudson: “She had a boyfriend at the time.”

Dane said the years between his 22nd and 26th birthdays were “legendary for me,” as he got to bang a lot of C-list celebrities (”Like Soleil Moon Frye’s assistant-level.”), including Nicole Scherzinger, lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls: “Nobody knew for about 7 or 8 months.” Howard asked: “What happened there?” And Dane laughed: “What doesn’t?” Dane said he liked Nicole a lot but “she was really very driven and you can’t be with that for a very long time.”

Howard asked Dane if his half-brother had really managed to embezzle (a reported) $11 million from him, and Dane shrugged: “It’s dancing around that number…it was incredibly painful.” Dan later confirmed that he he’d never done drugs – or had a sip of alcohol: “I’m real competitive with myself. If I did coke, I’d have to be the most coked guy in the room.” Dane said he also traveled a lot, so he and his girlfriend, Costa Rican singer Raquel Houghton, had to keep things going with phone sex: “She’s good at it. But I think I’m better.”

Howard complained that he’d been invited to yet another of Jon Hein’s daughters’ Bat Mitzvahs and he didn’t want to go. Additionally, Howard struggled with how much money he should send in his stead, asking Jon: “Would you like a $1000? Would that make you happy?” Jon did not like the way Howard misrepresented the invitations’ intent: “You said I only invited you for the gift. Which is not true.”

Howard still wanted an answer: “Were you not pleased with the last check? You can be honest…you’re not answering so I’m feeling like $500 is too low.” Jon said whatever Howard sent would be fine. Gary later came in to ask if Howard could name which town Jon lived in, but Howard couldn’t even guess what letter the town’s name started with.

came in to say he would be attending the Bat Mitzvah, and planned to stick his dick in the challah bread: “It’s a ceremony isn’t it?” Jon said there was no chance of Sal acting up or getting away with any party stunts: “We have people on alert. Watching him.”

Howard wondered why everyone thought Ross Zapin has bad breath when – despite their close friendship – he’d never noticed it himself. Jason came in to explain: “Ross has horrible breath. He does…I’m not the only one who thinks this…I’m not saying this to be mean. It’s just the truth. I once knew Ross was behind me without turning around.” Will came in to agree: “We call it The Zapin Stink.”

Artie said he woke up at 4:30 this morning and frantically attempted to check for the score of last night’s World Series game – first on ESPN and then his computer: “I tried to go to MLB.com and I ended up at Playstation…where’s Google?” Howard said he had a similar night: “I woke up at about 2 o’clock. I had agita…I went window shopping at 3am.” Robin said she loved how empty NYC’s avenues are at night, and Howard agreed: “I was beating off in the street and nobody did anything.”

A caller asked if Beth ever initiated sex with Howard, so Howard explained: “She initiates sometimes. I think I do it more.” Robin wondered how Beth liked to get things going, and Howard replied: “She’ll roll over and rest her head on my chest.” Howard added: “Last night she was like, ‘I’m going to bed.’ She was so irritable because we’d gotten up early…she used to initiate a lot more. But I initiate more now. She used to sit down next to me on the couch and start manipulating me.”

Howard gave a caller the chance to play The Beetlejuice Game and potentially win a cash prize, explaining that he’d play clips of Beetle answering “complete-this-phrase” questions – to win, the caller must guess whether or not Beet will know the missing word(s). Two out of three takes the prize:

“Twinkle twinkle little…” The caller incorrectly guessed that Beet would get it right: “Oh twinkle little f’ing birdie?”

“Jack and ___ went up the hill.” The caller bet against Beet for his first point: “Oh Jack up in the f’ing hills?”

“I pledge allegiance to the ___.” The caller took the prize when Beet nailed it: “To a flag?”

Howard learned that the only procedure available to a possibly-impotent Will was a procedure in which his balls had to be cut open, so Will came in to explain they would search his balls for swimmers: “The way the doctor explained it to me, your testicle is like a book and they go through it page by page.” Will said he was actually considering the procedure – and wasn’t opposed to adopting a black child: “If they’re a good athlete.”

Howard offered his services: “You want me to beat off in cup? I’ll do it.” Will said he might actually have the costly ball-dissection procedure instead: “We haven’t gotten that far yet but I would say [it'll cost me] around $20,000.” Howard thought it might be cheaper to adopt a Chinese baby: “Those are the cutest.”

Will said he’d rather get a sperm donation from a family member than adopt: “I have a brother. I have uncles.” Howard was horrified: “Don’t do that. Go to a sperm bank and ask for the smartest good-looking guy…there’s basic sibling rivalry…you don’t want to be thinking that every time your brother comes over…you come to me before you decide anything. I mean privately.”

Howard again offered a semen sample, and Will considered it: “Lemme think about that. I’ll get back to you.” Howard cited JD as the staffer whose semen sample he’d personally be least-likely to use: “But you know what? I would take JD over Benjy. Because Benjy is disturbing. I’m worried about him.” Howard also reconsidered taking JD before a couple others: “I would take JD before Sal or Richard? Am I crazy?”

Howard eventually reversed position, with one complaint: “I think JD could be kind of a cool guy. There’s just no way he’s gonna get rid of that personality.” Artie cited Richard as the last staffer he’d ask (besides himself): “Maybe it’s just because I’m a city-slicker and arrogant.” Howard couldn’t decide: “Richard. Or maybe Sal. That’s a tough one.” Fred picked Jason, citing his looks: “It’s not that he’s ugly. It’s the overweight issue. It’s the excessive hair.”

Jason came in to agree with Fred, citing his hirsute physique – even stripping off his shirt to show the crew his hairy back. Fred was disgusted: “It’s like a sweater.” Howard noticed that Jason had a little pattern baldness on his back, so Jason explained that it had never grown back after his first back-waxing treatment. Howard then pointed to the bald spot on Jason’s head: “They should take the hair off your back and put it on your head.”

Sal came in to explain his reasons for attacking Ross Zapin yesterday: “It’s a personality thing…I feel that he belittles me.” Howard speculated that Ross was dismissive to Sal, which Sal confirmed: “That’s basically what it comes down to.” Howard explained: “You think he just gets along with the people he has to get along with.”

Sal repeated his complaints with Ross’ allegedly-rank breath: “If my breath smells like shit, you better believe I’d want someone to tell me…bad is an understatement. It’s like the scrapings of a bottom of a dumpster.” Sal followed-up with a qualifier: “But I don’t want to put him down.” Artie countered that he had been to many events with Ross and had never smelled anything bad.

Ryan Seacrest has a stalker.

Howard learned that Will was steaming over the Phillies’ loss last night and had a history of violence at sporting events. Will came in to confirm: “I’ve been thrown out of games a bunch of times.” Will said he’d even once jumped on a woman’s back because she was wearing an opposing team’s jersey: “I was drunk and she was wearing a Vikings jersey and it was a playoff game…at least she was a Vikings fan.”

Howard wondered if Will just needed more love: “You need a hug, bro.” Will confessed he was having issues lately: “We’re in the middle of trying to have kids and I don’t know…you know one of the side effects of chemotherapy [Will is a cancer survivor] is you can’t have kids…I can shoot something it’s just…there’s no sperm at all.” Howard offered to donate some sperm and told Will he may be impotent, but he’s still the best looking staffer. Will laughed: “That’s some sad shit.”

Artie said he was also guilty of bad bleacher behavior, once yelling at an opposing team’s third base coach named Ludoff to the tune of “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer”: “Ludoff the third base coach had a very dumpy ass.”

Artie laughed that a friend got him in the worst trouble, yelling at a child fan of the opposing team: “‘Hey Blue Jay kid – I f’ed your sister last night.’ She was 16, I think. The father hears it. He turns around and says, ‘What the f’ did you say?’ And my buddy says, ‘I said I f’ed your daughter last night.’ So the guy swings, me and my buddy swings and we got thrown out.”

Howard announced that he was going to reveal “the rat” who leaked information from the show’s internal message group – but first asked everyone to guess who they thought it was. The guys in the back office collective decided it was Tim Sabean. The guys in the HowardTV voted for Jared Fox. Robin and Artie thought it was HowardTV head honcho Doug Goodstein. Gary said the guys in the office had even created a leader board with photos of the top suspects to keep track of them all.

Later, Jared came in to confess: “So first off – the thing that I object to – I wasn’t being a rat. I was trying to protect Ronnie…I saw that there could be an HR issue…and wanted to make sure he didn’t bring the intern out.” Jared admitted that he thought the leak issue would blow over: “I thought the best was to deal with this – I was hoping it would just go away.”

Howard noted that Jared had vehemently denied the accusations last week – going so far as to yell at JD for suggesting that he was the rat. Jared said he’d tried his best to make up for it: “I did apologize to him.” Howard was shocked: “You are really good. You’re a good liar.” Robin was pissed: “I’m not gonna be able to trust another thing you say!”

Howard said Jared was also the center of another controversy – over photos of his “Chippendale dancer” Halloween costume. Jared explained that High Pitch Mike had taken the pictures without his consent and posted them on Facebook. Jared said he just feared for his future: “I don’t want that to become a part of my corporate persona.” Artie was grossed out: “What he did to those pictures? God!”

Inspired by a rumor about Ross Zapin making money off a Halloween party he organized a local bar, Sal came in to attack Ross’ character: “He’s a wheeler and dealer.” Howard stoked the fire: “I heard you don’t like him.” Sal started slow:

“Ross is ok. He’s a little pompous. He’s a little arrogant. He’s a little douchey.” Sal questioned Ross’ friendship with Howard: “I don’t see how you could hang out with a guy like that. His breath smells like an f’ing sewer…it can knock you on your ass.”

Sal then attacked Ross’ job performance: “The guy doesn’t exactly have a sparkling track record…he’s not the pope around here.” Howard thought Sal was going too far, but Sal continued: “Where is the Sirius promotion? Everywhere I look around, I don’t see this place promoted.” Ross called in to defend himself, but Sal kept at it: “You’re like the Paris Hilton of the Howard Stern show.” Ross replied: “I’d be more than happy to walk you through [my job]. I didn’t know I had to report to you now.”

Kendra Jade stopped by to promote Vh1’s “Celebrity Sex Rehab” and told the crew she’d only starred in “not that many” porn films: “Like maybe 10 or 15.” Kendra cited the time she tried to blow Jerry Springer as a low point: “Well I couldn’t have sex with him…” Kendra hinted that Jerry had performance issues and had to lend himself a hand: “He finished himself.” At least Jerry had the courtesy to finish on her chest.

Howard laughed: “You know how I know you’re a sex addict? You drove four hours to f’ Mike Gange.” Kendra agreed, saying she’d also cheated on everyone she’d ever been with (except her current husband): “You try to fill this void, right?” Gange came in to explain why he had to break things off: “She would page me 50 times…and she was writing me 10 page letters. I mean, we’d hooked up once and she was writing me 10-page letters.”

Kendra said she was in a bad place during the banging-Gange era: “It took me a long time to get sane.” At the time, she was 65lbs heavier: “I was drinking a lot of Jager.”

Howard asked if she’d ever cheated on Lukas Rossi, her current husband, and Kendra confessed: “In the beginning of our relationship, I definitely came close…I still have a problem telling a difference between healthy sex and not-healthy sex.” Artie clarified: “Healthy sex is with someone else.”