8 YEARS LATE The Howard Stern Show for April 22, 2009

RICHARD IS NOT DISEASED…MAYBE

Early in the show, Richard reported that he went to the doctor last night and still isn’t sure if he has MRSA. They took tests, but the results won’t be available until Friday. Robin noticed that Richard now had a couple other bumps on his arm, but Richard explained that he was allergic to his watch: “I’ll wear it for one month and then take one month off.” Fred questioned Richard further, and the crew learned that the “allergy” might just be irritation, as Richard never removes the watch (not even while sleeping or showering) during his “on months.” Artie echoed his usual diagnosis: “You’re disgusting.”

ARTIE’S REALITY SHOW PILOT

Artie revealed that he shot a reality show pilot for A&E over the weekend but quickly ran into problems with how much “reality” he wants on TV: “It is torture.” Artie explained that A&E was following him around at a recent comedy gig he did at a casino, but when it came time for some “private fun” with a couple girls who’d followed him back to his room, he had to have Helicopter Mike (his security/chauffeur/trainer/pilot/sobriety enforcer) turn the cameras away at the hotel room door.

HIGH PITCH ERIK IS STALKING AGAIN

A girl named Angel called in to claim she was on old friend of the show (”I’m the girl who bronskied Elephant Boy for you guys twenty years ago.”) but she was currently being stalked by High Pitch Erik: “He says he’s in love with me.” Angel said High Pitch won’t stop calling her or coming over to her house uninvited: “He shows up with flowers because he wants to see me…he called my phone 27 times.” Angel went on to explain that, in addition to her problems with Erik, she is a single mom with three teenaged kids, works 100 hours a week at three jobs because her ex doesn’t pay his child support AND is undergoing cancer treatment. Upon hearing this, Artie immediately offered to switch his fundraising efforts from Captain Janks to Angel.

Later, Howard got High Pitch on the phone with Angel to warn him off. High Pitch broke quickly: “If she doesn’t want to speak with me anymore, that’s fine.” Angel said she’s repeatedly begged High Pitch not to contact her, so she had a hard time believing he was sincere.

UNPROTECTED SEX FOR HIGH PITCH

While High Pitch was on the line, Howard asked the pair if they’d ever had sex – and both parties admitted to doing it. Angel said, “I was drunk. It was more of a teaching thing for him. Let’s put it this way, gravity has not been a good thing for him.” High Pitch said: “She taught me stuff about sex.” Artie replied, “Yeah? Well she’s a brave woman.” After learning the sex was unprotected, Howard was disturbed, telling Angel: “You had to be in psychologically bad shape.”

Howard then made High Pitch promise to stop bothering Angel and High Pitch relented: “I swear to god on my parent’s life I won’t call Angel anymore.”

LISA G HAD SEX IN AN UNNAMED PARK

Lisa G came in with the headlines, but the crew had little interest in the lead story – they insisted instead on hearing about Lisa’s “wild” years. Under questioning, Lisa admitted she had had sex in both a public park and on a beach (both on Long Island where she grew up). Given that she couldn’t recall the name of the park, Howard doubted that Lisa really went all the way in the park, but Lisa thought she had: “I guess everything…it was a while ago.”

BLUE IRIS, WE SPEAK YOUR NAME

Lisa G reported that aged porn star-turned-Wackpacker Blue Iris has suffered a heart attack and was currently on life support. Howard asked if Blue was really gone, and Lisa explained that while she was being kept life support, her doctors claim she has no cognition left in her brain. Howard said Blue was 62 and would be missed dearly: “Blue Iris, we speak your name.”

PLAYBOY PLAYMATE IRINA VORONINA

Former Playboy Playmate (January 2001) Irina Boronina stopped by to promote her new film, “The Casino Job,” and told the crew it was “a legitimate film. R rated, though.” Howard asked if Irina had ever tried anal, and she laughed: “Well they tried. It didn’t work out.” Howard also wondered if Irina ever did Hef, but she denied it, even though she once lived with the guy: “I was kind of insulted. I was never even approached.”

Howard then ran through the Playboy Mansion partygoers who hit on Irina, and she provided commentary. Val Kilmer: “Oh yes he did. Of course he did.” Pauly Shore: “Yes…but I had no idea who he was until, like, a year ago.” Also a recently married Kid Rock: “I was very shocked about the whole thing.” Irina then told the crew about being fired from an episode of “Entouage,” explaining: “We made it clear there would be no afterparty [with the show's stars] and when the cameras were rolling we didn’t want to be, like, touched.”

JERRY O’CONNELL SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN

Jerry O’Connell stopped by to promote his two latest projects, “Obsessed” and “Baby On Board,” and Howard immediately asked why his wife would take John Stamos’ name but not his.

Jerry shrugged: “I guess Stamos is a more exotic name. I did get her to take off the Stamos.” Jerry added that his mom still argues with his father over the two women he married (and divorced) before he ever met her, so he makes it a point to never go there with Rebecca.

Howard speculated that Jerry always walks on eggshells around Rebecca, so Jerry confessed that he recently had to negotiate with her just to touch her boobs: “It’s more difficult with two crying children right next to your bed.” Jerry said, given the Rebecca’s pregnancy, he was sexually frustrated until recently (”We’re back.”) but now that things have rekindled, he finishes too fast: “I try to cover it up, like, ‘You know, we should really do this more often.’”

HOWARD FEELS BABY PRESSURE

Howard referenced the apology Jerry had printed in People magazine after he called a pregnant Rebecca “huge” on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” so Jerry explained: “The bloggers said I was being insensitive…in all honesty, you shouldn’t call pregnant women huge.” Jerry then turned the tables, asking Howard if Beth ever pressured him to have kids. Howard said yes: “Yes…a lot of people work on her – I’m talking relatives, friends – when I’m not around.”

SOUR SHOES’ BIRTHDAY PARTY

Artie asked the crew if they got invitations to Sour Shoes’ birthday party, and everyone said they had. Robin laughed that timing was strange: “It’s gonna be during the morning while the show is on.” Howard told Artie that if he wanted to go, they’d send a crew with him.