A spectacular craptacular finish – The Howard Stern ShowThursday,  October 30, 2008A SPECTACULAR CRAPTACULAR FINISH The Howard Stern Show for October 30, 2008THE CRAPTACULAR’S FINAL MOMENTSHoward started off the show checking in with Joey Boots and High Pitch Erik, as the Craptacular was set to conclude in less than an hour. Shuli was on the scene and reported that High Pitch had crapped 10 oz. in the last 23 hours, and Joey had pulled ahead with 1lb 7oz.. Artie had money on the contest and began yelling at Erik: “You suck Erik! You can’t even shit good!”

High Pitch said his stomach was killing him and promised that he’d stay on the pot – and it paid off: he churned out another 12oz of diarrhea for a tie! A half hour later Erik shat again, putting himself ahead with a total of 1lb 10oz.

In the last minute, Joey and Erik got into a shit-off, in which Joey pulled even at 1lb 10oz. Erik stole it in the final seconds, however, crapping a 24-hour total of 2lbs.

Erik promised to split his winnings with Joey, and Artie got in the spirit as well, splitting the money he won off the contest ($200 each from Howard and Robin, who both bet on Joey) between the two contestants.

ERIC THE MIDGET WILL BE SURPRISEDEric the Midget called in to ask Howard about the surprise the show was preparing for his upcoming appearance, so Howard revealed that Natalie Maines from The Dixie Chicks is coming in to “view” Eric, along with a superfan and some really hot chick who claims to be a huge Eric the Midget fan. Gary also promised a couple surprise celebrity guests, adding that it might be better if their identities were kept secret. Howard told Eric that one of them was the wrestler Kurt Angle – but refused to reveal the other’s name.
Rich from The Bunny Ranch then called in to complain about Eric’s constant calls to the compound since losing his virginity there a few weeks ago: “He calls all the time to talk to the girls…He doesn’t have any money…I’m gonna have him back for Dennis’ birthday, but this isn’t something we can do everyday.” Rich added that it cost a couple grand to limo Eric in from Sacramento: “Dennis [Hof] has been very generous.”PREPARE FOR SOME FAKE ARNOLD ON TAKEI ACTIONFake Arnold Schwarzenegger called in to promote his upcoming appearance on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” and to congratulate Howard on finally having a hotter wife than his: “[Maria] looks like a zombie now.” Howard wanted to know what he was doing on “The Late Late Show,” so Fake Arnold explained that he was going on as “Arnold Schwarzenegger” to discuss gay marriage – and then make out with George Takei.
RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER LOVES TO BAREBACKLisa G reported that Ronnie the Limo Driver told her he never wears condoms – he only has unprotected sex. Ronnie came in to say he was upset with Lisa, as he and his mother were listening to Bubba’s show when Lisa’s story originally ran. Howard wondered why Ronnie would ever tell Lisa something like that (and why he was listening to Bubba with his mother), so Ronnie claimed he didn’t think she’d focus her story on his response. Howard then asked Ronnie the obvious follow up question, where his load goes (”On her face? Do you pull out?”), but Ronnie would only say, “It depends.”
RONNIE’S 7FT “MAMBO” MUSKHoward laughed that the whole staff was complaining about the amount of cologne Ronnie was wearing, but Ronnie countered that he was only wearing a moderate amount of his “Mambo” cologne. Howard checked out the scent’s Website and reported that it lasts 6 to 10 hours, and the recommended age group is: “mature.” Howard laughed that it sells at Target but Ronnie said it didn’t anymore: “It’s discontinued. You can only get it on the Internet.
I buy four or five bottles at a time…if you put them in the freezer, they last for five years. Right now, I have about ten bottles.” Howard then conducted an experiment, walking gradually closer to Ronnie until he smelled the cologne. Both Howard and Fred were hit with the Mambo at the 7 foot mark.

Seth Rogen called in to promote his new film, “Zack & Miri Make A Porno.” Howard quipped that he was in almost every Hollywood movie these days and Seth laughed: “I’m the new Samuel L. Jackson!” Seth added that being open about his love of porn set a great precedent with his girlfriend, as she’s become used to porn companies sending him free videos all the time: “It’s not unusual to look at the coffee table and find a giant box of porno.”

MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAMEHoward got Mike Walker from The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which he reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:

BRACKETED: HOT CHICKS AT HOWARD’S WEDDINGFrequent caller, Wolfie called in to walk Howard through a bracketed list of the hot chicks at his wedding.

Sherry “Mrs. Rob” Zombie or Heather “Mrs. Bubba the Love Sponge” Clem?

HIGH PITCH MIKE DOES THE “THRILLER” DANCERobin reported that people were gathering in Times Square this morning to try to break the world record for group dancing – to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

High Pitch Mike came in straight from event to show the crew how to do the dance, saying: “[There were] 75 people. It was a big letdown.” Mike then busted out the “Thriller” moves, counting them out: “You do the shoulder, two, three…It’s the greatest song ever to me. I’m a child of the 80s. When I hear this, it’s instant childhood.”
Jerry Seinfeld is being sued.
A record group of people are dancing to “Thriller” in Times Square today. John Edwards’ wife is not wearing her wedding band. Madonna and Guy Ritchie tried to save their marriage with Kabbala counseling. Ivanka Trump is converting to Judaism. Bruce Springsteen and his wife won’t be displaying their usual Halloween decor this year. The world’s creepiest dude had mommy issues. Obama aired a pretty awesome political ad last night.
The Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series. A Long Island man poisoned his wife after telling her he was gay.
A HuffPo writer stabbed her ex 222 times. A drunken Bronx man shot his dog and then stabbed it to death.

Robin said she wanted to marry Daniel Craig.
Robin referenced Seth Rogen’s starring role in “The Green Hornet.”
Steve Langford reported that Bubba the Love Sponge will be prominently featured in the upcoming Hulk Hogan episode of “True Hollywood Story.”
Benjy fake-cried for the in-studio crew: “Please, we need help!”
Howard played a clip of Jerry Lewis calling cricket a “fag” game.
The crew mourned the loss of Leah Walsh, one of the show’s former interns.
Howard read a story about Carol Alt having to pay her ex-husband $1 million.
Howard noted that Beth was on the cover of the NY Daily News today.Thursday’s Show