Cake farts for all – The Howard Stern Show
Cake farts for all – The Howard Stern Show
Monday, September 15, 2008CAKE FARTS FOR ALL The Howard Stern Show for September 15, 2008BOOKER JOINS THE WRAP-UP SHOW
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Howard started off the show saying he saw Chris Booker over the weekend, and since Booker is currently without a job, he’s been listening to the show all the time. Booker offered some criticisms, including a complaint about the number of Benjy segments on The Wrap-Up Show. To make matters worse, Benjy was late coming into the studio this morning, causing Howard to ask what was going on. Benjy explained he’d been trying to jump in on a live newscast downstairs, which quickly changed Howard’s attitude: “Oh, ok.”
BENJY ORDERS SOME SCHTICK
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Gary came in to tell Howard that Benjy’s breakfast and lunch orders have been getting progressively crazier and now include energy shots and zinc tablets. Benjy disputed Gary’s claim, saying his order is usually the same. Jason came in to say Benjy’s orders are also often last-minute, and he’s had to take Benjy aside to talk to him about it. Benjy admitted Jason has asked him for a more consistent order, but Howard was getting irritated and began making a Benjy Food Order Rule.
Benjy objected and began shouting about Jason’s mother and fiancée, saying he was going to retaliate by making things up about other people who work for the show. Howard shut off Benjy’s mic and demanded that he only be allowed one order in the morning and then another later in the show, both of which must be standing orders. Any changes to Benjy’s standing orders must be made through Jason the night before – Benjy can’t go directly to the interns.
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, NORMHoward played a clip from the Adam Carolla Show of Norm MacDonald saying the Stern Show was enabling Artie’s problems. Howard took issue with Norm for saying Artie was encouraged to be a substance-abusing mess on the show: “I believe Artie’s a grown man and Artie will do what he wants to do.” Artie said it was awkward to have two close friends at odds over him: “Norm said something out of line, and you’re responding to that…I’m not asking you to do that.”
GUESS WHAT? LEVY LOST
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Howard said he watched the Danny Bonaduce/Bob Levy fight on the Internet over the weekend, and though the quality was bad, he could tell that Artie now owed him $1,000. Robin joked that Bob took such a beating, Artie should have to pay Howard twice. Artie agreed, saying Bob got the shit kicked out of him throughout the first round and was saved by the bell. At the beginning of the second round, Danny knocked Bob flat.
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Artie noted that Bob’s dressing room was sad after the fight, as Bob was saying he planned to keep fighting, claiming he was going to fight Todd Bridges next. Richie Wilson from HowardTV came in to say the next fight the promoters were planning would be between Phil Margera (Bam’s dad) and none other than High Pitch Erik.
GUESS WHO SLEPT WITH ARTIE
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Howard welcomed three women to the studio and announced that the crew would have to guess which one Artie’s slept with. Howard was taken with all of the contestants: “Whoever it is, Artie’s a lucky man.”
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Howard asked Denise #3 how long ago she’d slept with Artie, and she reported that she’d been with him a couple years ago when he was “huge” – and the sex was…great. Denise #1 claimed she’d met Artie at a party through a photographer friend, and Denise #2 said she met Artie at a “low point, but he was a good part of it.”
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Howard asked Denise #2 what she meant by a low point, so she explained she met Artie in Cancun while she was in the midst of separating from her husband. Howard doubted Denise #2′s story, as Artie’s not known to like hot weather. Robin asked what Artie’s favorite drink was. Denise #2 said tequila, Denise #3 said a gin and tonic, and Denise #1 couldn’t recall. Howard and the crew continued to investigate and explore the girl’s stories/accounts before making their decision.
AND THE “WINNER” IS…
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Robin chose Denise #2, as her story about Artie making love to her in the ocean actually seemed believable. Fred also picked Denise #2 because she knew Artie loved to order room service after sex. Benjy thought #1′s body language betrayed a previous encounter with Artie and Howard pointed at #2, citing her tactful responses, “But the ocean [sex story] throws me off.” The girls then did a little shuffle and number three stepped forward.
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Artie told the crew he originally met the real Denise in Cancun sometime between his stint on MadTV and the filming of “Dirty Work,” but nothing happened at that time. A few years later, after “The Norm Show” was canceled, they dated for a few months. Artie then twisted the knife: he has introduced Denise to everyone in the room before…at one of Howard’s New Years Eve parties. Artie then asked Denise if she would’ve continued the relationship if he had wanted to, and she said she knew the show, which he had just started doing, was too important to him to stand between his on-air freedom. Artie laughed that she was just letting him down nicely.
ZOE ZANE
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Ageing porn star, Zoe Zane (she’s 61), stopped by because she wanted to “sit on a birthday cake and fart on it.” When she let a test fart out, Will Murray, who had been holding the microphone for her started to complain about the smell. Zoe said she also worked as a dominatrix and an escort, but when Howard asked if that was illegal, Zoe admitted she had been arrested once.
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Zoe said she got into porn about 10 years ago and some of her kids know what she does, but none of her grandkids do. She said the current fetish she gets a lot of requests for is “cake farts.”
Zoe explained she was married for 17 years to a Mormon bishop and had 7 kids with him, but left because she needed more sex than he could give.
Following her life story, Zoe squatted over a strawberry birthday cake and was able to squeeze off 6 messy farts. Howard noted that the icing actually went up her ass and then got “blown out” when she farted. After telling a story about a client who held a wine enema for two hours, Zoe proclaimed she was not voting for Sarah Palin.
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SPLOSHING GRANNY
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HowardTV’s Richie Wilson asked Zoe if she wanted to sit on the Sybian while they hit her with whipped cream pies. Zoe immediately said, “Oooh! Sploshing! Sure!” While the guys got Zoe ready for her Sybian ride, she let out another fart, which even she remarked smelled really bad. After some difficulty getting situated, the Sybian started and the pies began to fly…and quickly knocked Zoe’s wig off. Everyone was laughing so hard they had to end the Sybian ride.
Howard thought the sight of Zoe without her wig, covered in icing and whipped cream was one of the funniest things he’d seen in a long time. After someone mentioned Robin’s habit of taking coffee enemas, Zoe quickly seized on the idea, saying it would be great for her dominatrix business: she takes a coffee enema and then blasts it on her client. As Zoe got up to leave, Howard laughed as a clump of whipped cream dripped down her leg and Zoe let out one final blast that Will gagged was the worst one yet.
BONG HITS MAY CAUSE MEMORY LOSS
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Frequent caller, Bong Hit Eric called in to report on having heard Chevy Chase talking about how Howard had donated an in-studio visit and tour for a fund raising auction he was doing. Bong Hit was surprised, given the bad blood between Howard and Chevy (remember when Chevy yelled at Howard for making a prank call to his housekeeper?), that such a thing could happen. Howard then reminded Eric that he and Chevy had made peace on the air a little while ago and he had given the same auction item for Chevy’s auction last year. Eric figured he must have been stoned and forgot that segment.
FORMER STOCKBROKER TARGETS WALL STREET
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Earlier in the show Howard reported that Sal and Richard had gone down the block to interrupt a CNN newscast about the Lehman Brother’s bankruptcy by doing gay things behind the reporter. Howard played the clip on the air and the anchor pointed out that some people were trying to make light of a “very serious” matter. Robin wondered why the couple had only licked each other’s nipples and hadn’t gone for broke and made out for real but Richard said they would never do such a thing…they were saving that for Howard’s show only. They said the next time an investment bank went under they were going to “face f’” each other with black dildos behind the unsuspecting reporters.
IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWS
Going vegetarian can shrink your brain.
Shark hunter, Frank Mundus, has died.
The Water Club in Atlantic City provides safe sex kits in their rooms.
Is your water safe to drink?
Have researchers found a vaccine for breast cancer?
AIG is on the verge of bankruptcy too.
Florida is charging four companies for price gouging.
Wednesday’s Powerball Lottery jackpot is now $136 million.
The previous Governor of Alaska says there has never been “a less prepared candidate for Vice President” than Palin.
Tina Fey does a GREAT Sarah Palin.
Alan Greenspan is worried.
The Cohen Brothers are number one.
Britney Spears is charitable.
Jennifer Hudson is engaged.
Robin called “Vicky Christina Barcelona” the best movie Woody Allen’s ever made.
Howard claimed he loved “Apocalypto” even though Mel Gibson is a “filthy anti-Semite.”
Howard noted that he enjoyed “You Kill Me.”
Howard dreaded having to explain what an ISDN line was to his parents.
A caller claimed his daughter had been a dancer at Ricks Cabaret and Ronnie had gotten her pregnant, unfortunately he couldn’t keep the joke going long enough to work.
Monday’s Show![]()






















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