Date posted: July 16, 2008

Double d…lights – The Howard Stern ShowWednesday,  July 16, 2008DOUBLE D…LIGHTS The Howard Stern Show for July 16, 2008HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, BETH OHoward started off the show remarking that yesterday was Beth’s birthday, and they celebrated by going out to dinner. Howard said Beth wanted her gift ? ?an expensive piece of jewelry? ? early, so he’d given it to her a couple weeks ago. Problem was, he then felt obligated to get her another gift for the actual day. He settled on a card that read, ?Happy Birthday to my (future) wife.? She loved it. Artie joked: ?And do you know what you’re going to get her in two years for Mother’s Day???I’M STAYING UNDER THE NAME SEAN PENN?Artie told a story about David Spade running into Sean Penn in a hotel they were both staying at. The two decided to meet up later, but when Penn tried to call Spade, he couldn’t find him because Spade was staying under a fake name. Eventually Penn got Spade’s fake name from the manager (because he’s Sean f’ing Penn) and left him a message, saying, ?Hey David, I had a hard time getting a hold of you because you’re famous and staying here under a fake name. Give me a call. I?m staying under the name Sean Penn.? BENJY’S TRYST WITH A CELEBRITYHoward said he talked with Benjy over the break, as Benjy had big news to report: he?d just had sex with [a somewhat famous chick]. Howard said he knew the woman?s name, but he?d never seen her in?person. Benjy said he met the chick on an online dating site and gave a few clues about her identity: she has a connection with the show (but has never been on it), she didn?t seem to know that Benjy worked on the show, and her name is immediately recognizable. Benjy also said she was ?incredible? and ?very responsive? in bed. PINING AWAYArtie revealed that he?s been getting serious with a girl he?s dating and ? at the same time ? considering another play for Dana. When they were in Afghanistan, Artie sat down with Gary and Gary gave him some great advice ? which, other than Gary?s suggestion that he see a shrink before making a decision, Artie refused to reveal. Howard and Robin were pissed that they?d already given Artie the same advice a million times, but Artie insisted there was another, larger part of the advice that he couldn?t say on air.

Howard thought he had heard that Dana had recently started dating another guy, so Artie explained that Dana stopped by his apartment to tell him it was just a dinner. The gang thought Dana?s play was an obvious overture. Artie then revealed that he made one of his own and called her from Afghanistan: ?She told me, ?I think [you thinking of me and calling me] is touching. But go to therapy?…She?s heard it all before…She said, ?I didn?t sleep with the guy.? It?s all complicated.? IF TRUMP RULED THE WORLDDonald Trump stopped by to promote Affliction’s upcoming ?Banned? fight night, and Howard immediately asked him about the economic recession. Donald said he easily avoided any damage caused by US recessions by spreading his assets out: ?We have 73 projects going on all over the world…but we need a new leader. We gotta get rid of this guy fast.? Donald added that if he were in charge, ?those oil prices would drop like a rock.?

While they were talking about the economy, Donald noted that he recently sold a house in Palm Beach to a Russian guy for $100 million, ?and wouldn’t have been nice if an American had bought it? It’s pretty sad when you think of it. Most of the people that were negotiating [for the property] were foreigners.? Donald then asked if he would be invited to Howard’s wedding, and Howard said he was: ?Just to help you out, the invitation will read ‘To Donald Trump and current wife.’?DONALD ON O.J. AND THE WORLD?S HOTTEST WOMANDonald told the crew that he recently pitched O.J. Simpson to NBC executives as a castmember on ?Celebrity Apprentice,? but they freaked out. Howard wondered why Donald would even try the pitch, and Donald answered flatly, saying O.J.’s presence would guarantee insane ratings. Donald confessed that other than pairing up O.J. for a ratings coup, the two weren’t friendly: ?I abandoned O.J.. When I realized he?d killed his wife…I took a pass.?

Howard asked Donald if he’d ever slept with a fat woman, but Donald was ready: ?I’ve slept with women who got fat…? Artie wondered if Donald had ever slept with multiple women, and Donald was non?plussed: ?Haven’t we all?? The gang also wondered who Donald considered to be the hottest woman in the world, so Donald cited the winner (and runner?up) of his recent Miss Universe pageant and Jennifer Hawkins, an Australian beauty who served as one of the contest’s judges.HE WON THE LOTTERY, BUT NOT A GIRLA lottery winner named Richie stopped by to talk about his win has changed his life, explaining that he recently won $5 million with a ?Set For Live? scratch?off ticket. Richie said he played the lottery everyday for quite a while, and he doesn?t plan on quitting his job ? the prize’s payout is $65,000 every three months until the day he dies. Richie explained that 25 years in the workforce had broken him: ?I always have to have a job no matter what.?

Howard asked Richie if he was using his new status to get laid, but he said it wasn’t helping: ?I went to the beach yesterday and got a wrong number…I’ll give you my email, in case some girls wanna getta holda me.? Artie offered to take Richie to Rick’s Cabaret for a girlfriend?search, but Richie demurred: ?I’m looking for a knockaround girl…I prefer blondes.? Artie deadpanned that Richie sounded like an unusual guy.SHAWN CARLA IS FRIENDLYShawn Carla, August’s Miss HowardTV, came into the studio to frustrate Artie. Howard was impressed with Shawn’s DD boobs, but Artie sounded melancholy: ?She’s just hot as hell.? Sean showed the crew a tattoo she had on her belly, so Artie suggested an amendment: ?you

should put an arrow pointing down there that says ‘Heaven.’? Shawn then dropped her top to show off her boob?job and answered the usual questions: never done anal, was drunk when she lost her virginity and likes to mess around with girls.

Artie had talked with Shawn earlier in the halls and learned that she recently moved to an apartment near his own: ?You really need someone to show you around Hoboken.? Shawn agreed but said she already had plans: her fellow bi?curious friend is coming to town this evening. Artie replied that that was convenient, as he’ll be having a party in his apartment. Shawn shot back that she actually gets paid anywhere from $800?$1500 for ?hosting? jobs ? essentially ?to be a hot chick at a party.?THE SYBIAN RETURNSHoward then quieted the studio as Shawn got on the Sybian: ?Oh my god! Oh my god. [laughs] Holy shit! [unintelligible] I’m gonna block all of you out…Oh my god! Oh F?! OK ALRIGHT STOP IT…I let it happen! That’s why I jumped off! My legs are shaking right now.? Gange then came in to note that Shawn cried when she was told she was the next Miss HowardTV, so Howard told her that he was honored.

ERIC THE MIDGET IS ?ROMEO BLUES?…OR NOTSteve Langford came in to report that Eric the Midget’s SFN alias was Romeo Blues. Eric called in to deny the story and demanded that Langford reveal his sources. Langford refused. Eric quickly resorted to idle threats, saying he’d ?beat [Langford's] Canadian ass,? but Langford corrected him: ?Ex?Canadian.? Fred then played some clips from ?The Shining? in which the Danny Torrence character does his ?Redrum? finger voice, and Howard asked Eric if ? for comparison’s sake ? he’d say ?Redrum.? The miserable little guy would not play along.IT?S TIME FOR ROBIN?S NEWS?The Dark Knight? is getting great reviews.

Meet the world’s kinkiest Catholic school principal.

One of the Barenaked Ladies was arrested for coke possession.

Is Jay Leno going to ABC?

Former child star Brian Bonsall is in trouble.

Manson family member Susan Atkins was denied parole.

German officials are probing a forgotten Nazi massacre.
Bush is irritated by Obama?s criticism of the Iraq war.
Democrats are allowing Bush to blame them.

Obama doesn?t care about that New Yorker cover.

Arlen Specter has completed his last round of chemotherapy.

A ?Dark Knight? promotion caused panic at a San Antonio TV station.

Babe Ruth’s hat sold for $328,000.

?Project Runway? is back!

Megan Fox had to gain 10lbs for the ?Transformers? sequel.Shawn Carla cited Dave (aka ?12 Pack?) from ?I Love Money? as her fantasy man.

Shawn also reported that she’d dated Jeremy Piven.

Donald Trump said he was no fan of pit bulls.

Howard determined some of the Baba Booey Song Parody Contest finalists.
Artie laughed at Robin’s boat name: ?Right On Q.?

Howard played one of S.A.G.’s pre?recorded, guild?rallying phone messages featuring Sean Penn’s voice.

Artie told a story about Jennifer Esposito forgetting her lines on the set of ?The Bachelor.?

Howard noted that George Steinbrenner appeared at last night’s All?Star Game.

Howard wished K.C. Armstrong a happy birthday.Wednesday’s Show