Date posted: August 19, 2008

Former loser is a winner – The Howard Stern ShowTuesday,  August 19, 2008FORMER LOSER IS A WINNER The Howard Stern Show for August 19, 2008A BUDDING BRO-MANCEArtie started off the show noting that he now walks across town to his therapist’s office in the afternoon – and makes sure to detour through Central Park, as the “broads are amazing.” Howard congratulated Artie on being able to “enjoy his sobriety” – just like Tracy Morgan – and George asked to join Artie on one of his walks. Artie agreed, and the pair’s second man-date was set. A PRE-NUP FOR GEORGEHoward asked George if he had a conversation with Brad about a pre-nup last night, and George said he had: Brad agreed straight-out that it would be a good idea. George also confessed that Brad agreed to an additional day of sex every week, adding Wednesdays to their Sunday routine. Howard said he was glad to hear it. Dominic Barbara then called in to warn George that it was illegal to include twice-weekly sex in a pre-nup.

Howard played a clip from yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show of George revealing that he has two paintings of his fiancé in the nude, one of a young Brad and the other more recent. Howard asked George why he didn’t just have a photographer take a picture, so George explained that he was friends with the artists. Howard also wondered if George ever pleasured himself to the pictures, but George said no: “I can’t see them from the shower.”LISA G EXTENDS AN INVITE

Lisa G reported that Jillian Barbarie almost drove off the road yesterday when she heard Howard say that he was considering inviting her to his wedding. Howard shot back that he never officially invited Jillian, but Lisa claimed Jillian seems to have heard it differently. Howard said Lisa should’ve gotten his permission before phoning Jillian and then wondered if the whole Howard100 News department was a mistake: “They’re supposed to cover everyone around the show. Not me.” MEET ARTIE “G” -or- “LISA LANGE”While she was in studio, Artie asked Lisa if he could try on her sweater, and she agreed. Artie was

actually able to struggle into the small garment – Robin was shocked: “He got into it!” Artie then

took on the character of “Lisa G,” asking Howard questions about the wedding in a lilted voice: “I

emailed Jillian Barbarie today. She said f’ off.” Artie also snatched Lisa’s stories and read them all, punctuating certain words just like Lisa might.HELLO ERIC, ARE YOU THERE??? ERIC?Eric the Midget called in – but Howard and the gang pretended they couldn’t hear his repeated screams: “I’m here! Damnit, I’m here, retard!” When Howard eventually “heard” Eric’s cries, the little guy was on fire: “I was going to apologize for yesterday’s call, but f’ that…now I won’t.” Artie was so overjoyed; his laugh just turned into a high-pitched whine, but Howard quickly grew tired of the little guy and hung up. Later, Eric called in to tell Steve Langford he was “interfering with my business with Johnny [Fratto].” THE GAY POP QUIZHoward asked George a series of questions on modern gay culture, and George faired pretty well:

What is a friend of Dorothy? Correct – a straight person with many gay friends.

What is a rice queen? Correct – non-Asian who likes Asian men.

What is a size queen? Correct – a fan of large penises.

What is a stromo? Wrong – a gay man who acts straight.

What is a frat boy? Correct – someone who dresses very preppie. (or an older twink)

What is a grower? Correct – a small flaccid penis that becomes much larger when erect.

What is the highway to heaven? Wrong – the taint.

What is a yestergay? Correct – someone who claims to have been gay and is now straight.

What is a koala bear? Wrong – a guy with reddish-brown pubic hair. THE STAFF KARAOKE CONTESTHoward welcomed Staind to the studio to be the backing band for the Staff Karaoke Contest and brought in the first contestant, Ronnie the Limo Driver, to sing

Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time.” Ronnie complained about having to sing the song – he wanted to sing Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” – even though he loves Cher

(and had gone to see her perform at Madison Square Garden). Ronnie then pretty much just spoke the lyrics. Howard was pissed: “You suck! Sit down! You’re horrible…I’m turning this off. You’re horrible!”

Next up was Jason with Aerosmith’s “What it Takes,” which was horrifically off-key. After a couple minutes of Jason’s screeching, Howard told Jason to “Sit the f’ down.” Artie said Jason at least went for it, so Howard gave him

two points to Ronnie’s 0.0. Tim Sabean then came in to perform Johnny Cash’s “Fulsom Prison Blues.” Tim actually carried the song, although Staind had a laugh at Tim’s off-beat foot-stomping, and everyone else agreed that Tim was the leader so far.JD PHONES IT INJD was the next contestant, with what was sure to be a hilarious version of The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again.” Despite the dozens of lapdances he could buy with the

prize money, JD just spoke his lyrics Ronnie-style. Artie joked: “You gotta hear Jared Fox [JD's archrival] sing that song…it’s like you’re at a Who concert.” The

final contestant, Scott the Engineer, tried his hand at Crosby Stills Nash & Young’s “Ohio” and nailed it. Everyone agreed that the $500 prize belonged to Scott as he had the least worst performance. Staind then performed “Believe,” the single from their new album.

BEETLEJUICE IS A ROCK STARBeetlejuice called in to say he was going to see Staind tonight. Robin asked if Beet was going to sit in with the band, and Beet confirmed that he was. Howard

wondered if Beet was just going to do the “Bad As Can” song with the band or if he’d sit in for the whole set, and Beet claimed he was gonna be on stage “for the whole thing.” Howard and Robin laughed that someone should let Staind know.“Heroes” is coming back.

• What’s next for Michael Phelps?
12-year-old kid from Ellensburg, WA, is over 7ft tall.

• Who stole the two-headed turtle?

• Some kid pitched a perfect game in the Little League World Series.

College presidents are urging lawmakers to lower the drinking age.
Teenagers who don’t get enough sleep can have higher blood pressure.

• Soon you’ll chew gum to recover from colon surgery.

• Some video games may help your dexterity and problem-solving skills.

• Why are we having the party conventions again?

• The president of Pakistan has stepped down.

Christina Applegate beat cancer.

• The “Battlestar Galactica” movie is coming.

• Beware cyber-bullies.

• California doctors cannot refuse to treat gays and lesbians.Wendy the Retard called in to ask for money, but Howard hung up on her.

The gang discussed Mad Dog’s new deal.

Aaron from Staind presented Howard with a couple bottles of Hammer & Sickle vodka.

Robin noted that Barry Levinson cast Richard Belzer in “Homicide” after the comic appeared on the show.

Howard read a story about a movie Benjy’s sister is producing.

Daniel from the Bleeding Deacons called to promote the band’s attempt to win an opening slot on Motley Crue’s reunion tour.

Howard played clips of Gary and Wendy the Retard defending “Tropic Thunder.”

George said he was going to have “Climb Every Mountain” from A Chorus Line performed at his wedding.

Howard read a story about Phil Collins’ awful divorce settlements.Tuesday’s Show