Date posted: December 12, 2008

Friday,  December 12, 2008The Best of the Week December 8 – 12 The Howard Stern Show for December 12, 2008ROBIN IS UPSET WITH HOWARD FOR INTERVIEWING HIS SECRET SANTAKEN THE INTERN SURVEYS HIS JACKPOT

Howard asked to talk with Ken the Intern, the winner of the Secret Santa Lottery (Howard picked his name): “What’s your dream Christmas gift?” Ken said “this” – being on the show. Gary asked him what his favorite band was, so Ken cited Slayer and Pantera. Howard joked, “Would you like me to buy those guys and have ‘em play for you? Would you like to be in Pantera? I could hire Dee Snider to live with you…you like horror? I could give you the ultimate horror experience. You could go live with High Pitch Erik.”

Ken confessed that he had a Tinkerbell tattoo he no longer liked – he got it when he was 16 and wanted to show people he didn’t really care what they thought. Howard said he’d be glad to pay for its removal but then changed his mind and asked if Ken had any student loans. Ken said he still owed about a lot. Howard promised: “Let’s put it this way, you’re student loan is over. At least 500 dollars of it is over.” Robin, however, criticized Howard for interviewing his Secret Santa recipient as she felt it went against the “spirit” of the bit.

WILLIAM SHATNER IN STUDIO

WILLIAM SHATNER IS MIFFED

William Shatner stopped by to promote his new A & E interview show, “Raw Nerve,” and immediately complained about not getting the chance to appear in the latest “Star Trek” movie. Howard asked if it bothered him to see Leonard Nimoy get a cameo in the new film, but William laughed that he was more upset that Leonard won’t tell him what he does in the film. A caller then told a story about seeing William in a strip club, but William denied it ever happened.

SHATNER ON TAKEI

Howard asked William if filming the final episode of “Boston Legal” was painful, which he admitted it was: “Oh yeah. But on the other hand, I’m free.” William then asked what George Takei did on the show, so Howard explained how George sometimes appears as the show’s announcer. William said he regretted how much George resented him: “At the end of this life, wouldn’t it be nice to leave without animus out there?”

William promised to make good on his sentiment, noting that he hopes to interview George on the next season of “Raw Nerve,” assuming there is a next season. Howard joked that William should point all the cameras at himself during the interview: “Do it in my honor.” A caller asked if William had ever done drugs, so William said he’d gone to Amsterdam one time and tried mushrooms: “We ran up to the hotel room and stayed there for 24 hours and left the next day.”

GARY AND ARTIE AIR THEIR DIFFERENCES

ARE ARTIE’S LIES GOOD FOR THE SHOW?

Artie opened the show speculating that his “lie-and-then-confess-later method” of dealing with the truth actually benefits the show. Howard thought the argument was hilarious, but Robin insisted that Artie’s lies had flagged a deeper issue. Howard then played a clip of Brad Garrett during his last visit correctly guessing that Artie had stopped going to therapy and Artie lying in response: “I go Tuesdays and Thursdays…I will be there tomorrow.”

Artie speculated that Gary’s comments on the issue (on yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show) were indicative of an underlying resentment. Gary came in to laugh that, not only was the theory not true, but he thought the opposite was more likely the case – Artie resented him. Gary added that he felt betrayed by Artie’s dishonesty, but Artie argued that it was like he had slept with Gary’s wife: “I’m too honest. That’s the problem. You people shouldn’t even know that I’m in therapy [in the first place].”

Artie did admit that he has lied in the past: “I’ve had girls that I told I’ve never been with whores.” Gary said he thought Artie started to resent him after seeing one of his paychecks, but Artie laughed that off: “I can’t even believe that’s what you said. That’s not even on my mind.” Gary ignored Artie’s protests, saying he still thought the incident was an issue: “You thought it was too much.” Howard laughed: “I think it’s too much.”

Lisa G came in to say that Artie tried to show her Gary’s paycheck at his birthday party, but Artie claimed he was just joking. Howard asked Lisa if she was still upset with Artie, and Lisa said she went through her file of Artie quotes yesterday: “We’re not gonna have a good ending…I don’t feel good about this.” Artie told Lisa, “That’s crazy. You’re a nutto…I’m gonna bang you, but I’m worried. ‘Cause you’re crazy.” Jason came in to confirm Lisa’s story: “You had the check out and you were showing it around the party.” Artie said, “I don’t deny that I told people about getting the check [by mistake]. I had a couple drinks. But I didn’t even have it with me at the party, I was joking.”
ARTIE ADMITS HE’S NOT IN THERAPYTHIS MONDAY’S REVELATION: ARTIE’S NOT IN THERAPY

Artie confessed that he stopped seeing his therapist after the second visit – he has not, as he claimed, been visiting the guy twice a week for the last several months. Artie laughed: “The second time I left early…I felt bad for the guy. I wasn’t into it.” Robin was mock-shocked by the revelation: “He’s been lying!” Gary told Artie he had no credibility left, but Artie didn’t care: “Fine! Go f’ yourself…I feel bad, guys.” Howard just rolled his eyes: “Gee, I wonder what the Wrap-Up Show will be about today.”

THE HOTTEST FUNNIEST CHICK CONTEST

ESTHER KU IS HOT, FUNNY

Howard welcomed Esther Ku, the first contestant in the Hottest/Funniest Chick contest, and asked her about growing up in a conservative household. Esther told the crew her missionary parents would only allow their children to watch “The Ten Commandments” and “The Sound of Music” and now consider her a hell-bound sinner.

Howard wondered if Esther’s fellow comedians hit on her much, but she said she just ignores them – preferring masturbation instead. Esther then did a minute of her stand-up routine and kept the crew laughing the entire time.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS HAS A GREAT NAME, ACT

The second contestant, Whitney Cummings, told the crew she worked as a writer for the Comedy Central Roasts. Howard thought Whitney had an incredible body, which Whitney attributed to running and crunches.

Whitney also laughed that she once worked with Artie on an HBO special – they even shared a green room – but he ignored her the whole time. Artie said he regretted this decision.

Whitney noted that she wrote for the Bob Saget roast, and when Artie canceled, the producers frantically searched for a back-up fat guy to take his place as the butt of all the fat jokes everyone had written. Will then came in to say, “Howard, real quick – you gotta see her butt. Not to be disrespectful, but…” Whitney turned around and Howard was appreciative: “Wow.” Whitney then did a minute of stand-up about guys in L.A.

APRIL MACIE’S BRINGS THE BIG CANS

April Macie, the final contestant, came in with “my big cans, my Eastern European flapwagons” hanging out. April said she’d banged quite a few comedians, including Mitch Fatel – one of the show’s former interns.

Howard asked if she’d ever been married, so April laughed that she’d been engaged but had to cut it off after she discovered that her fiancé was renting their home out for porn shoots while she was out working. April then did a minute of stand-up about her years as a high school whore.

HERE SHE IS…THE HOTTEST FUNNY CHICK

Artie said, “Esther might be the hottest, but she’s the least funny…Gun to my head? I think the winner is Whitney.” Gary voted for April, but not before echoing Artie’s claim that Esther was the hottest.

Fred also said Esther was the hottest but voted for April. Robin registered a third vote for April.

Benjy voted for April and Howard agreed, though his vote didn’t matter at that point and Artie wished he could have gone last so he could have voted for Esther (since it wouldn’t affect the outcome) in an attempt to get a date with her. April thanked the crew and collected her prize.
Friday’s Show

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