Date posted: January 29, 2009

Friday,  January 23, 2009The Best of the Week January 19 – 23 The Howard Stern Show for January 23, 2009DAN THE SONG PARODY MAN VS STEVE LANGFORDTHE SONG PARODY MAN IS ANGRY

Dan the Song Parody Man came in to talk about the loan Artie had given him, which keeps getting brought up on the air. Dan claimed he was expecting a “windfall” that will help him repay the debt – and though he thought it would come earlier, it’s been delayed. Artie told the crew that he actually did Dan a favor by only loaning him half the $15,000 he had originally asked for, and Dan admitted the story was true.


Dan then said he was angry with Steve Langford for reporting on the story further (”It’s between myself and Artie.”) and claimed he’d asked Steve not to run it: “You’re a human piece of f’ shit…You better walk past me fast if you walk past me.” Howard told Dan not to forget that he was at fault for initially borrowing $7,500 and was, therefore, fair game for the Howard 100 News department: “As mad as you are at Steve…we’re all a team here.”

RICH CRONIN, FORMER BOY BAND STAR

RICH CRONIN GOT PENNIES

Former LFO lead singer Rich Cronin stopped by to promote his new record, “Billion Dollar Sound.” Rich laughed, as Howard played LFO’s biggest hit, “Summer Girls,” that Lou Pearlman (LFO’s former manager) was one pervy dude: “He wanted to bang everyone. He wanted to bang everyone there…he’s disgusting.” Rich added: “He needed you to sing a little bit, but really he just wanted you to be good-looking.”


Howard asked Rich if he thought Lou took any of his money, and Rich laughed that LFO sold 4 or 5 million records but he only saw pennies: “I should’ve made, like, at least 2 or 3 million dollars.” Rich said Lou even sold the publishing rights to the hits he’d written from underneath him: “I’ve had to go to therapy…He’s really a creepy guy.” Rich then described Lou’s “wonderland for guys” mansion, saying it was full of Star Wars memorabilia – with a fat, boxer short-clad weirdo lying in the middle.

LOU WAS A HANDS ON MANAGER

Rich told the crew about auditioning for Lou: “He goes, ‘You could be a star…take off your shirt’…then he’s like, ‘Turn around.’” Later, Lou really poured it on: “He’s massaging my shoulders and he’s like, ‘You wanna watch Top Gun?’” Howard asked if Lou ever rubbed Rich’s privates, and Rich admitted that Lou tried: “Eventually he did…some other dudes went for it. And if you did, he took care of you. He’d buy ‘em cars…” Rich laughed that one of those dudes is now famous.

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT IS FOREVER

Howard asked Rich about dating Jennifer Love Hewitt, so Rich replied that he met her at an awards show: “I decided to talk to her and she kept talking to me and talking to me.” Rich eventually flew out to LA for their first date (at Universal Studios) and she asked him to stay with her that first night: “She made me wear two condoms.” Rich laughed that Jennifer even gave him a ring: “She said, ‘Listen, I wanna marry you. We’re gonna be together forever.’” Later, Rich found out she gave the same ring to other guys as well.

BENJY AND ROBIN GET ETIQUETTE LESSONS

ROBIN ORDERS FOR THE TABLE

Howard said he had dinner with the crew over last weekend and allowed Robin to order the wine – only to find out she had ordered an $800 bottle: “I looked at the bill and it took my breath away.” Howard laughed that one would have been ok, but it took three bottles to serve the whole table, bringing the wine tab to over $2,400. Robin explained that she ordered a special wine for a special occasion (”You should’ve ordered yourself!”), adding: “I don’t even look at the price when I take you out. I pay.”

Robin claimed she was going to pay Howard back for the cost of the wine: “I’m going to give it to you and you’re going to take it.” Howard insisted that he would never accept Robin’s check, so Robin repeated: “I don’t care what you say. I’m paying for the wine…to bring this up is very rude. Don’t take me to dinner ever again.”

BENJY CAN’T FOLLOW THE SIGNALS

Howard also laughed that Benjy, after arriving a half hour late, ordered tuna tartar as an appetizer and a trout dish as his entree announcing that he loved fish – even though he’s repeatedly refused to eat fish in the past. Howard admonished Benjy for taking forever to eat his entree, and Gary seconded the compliant, telling Benjy he that should have known better: “You know [Howard] likes to keep things moving along…You know he gets tired early.” Howard told Benjy to be punctual next time and “follow the signals.”
WILL THE FARTER FARTS IN HIS MOM’S FACE FOR MONEYBORN WITHOUT AN ASSHOLE

Will the Farter stopped by with his mom, Priscilla and Howard asked Momma Farter when she first knew Will was special. Priscilla explained how Will discovered his ability when he was 10 years old: “I was worried…I said, ‘I don’t want you ruining anything. What if you hurt yourself?’” Priscilla went on to explain that Will was born without an anus and had to be surgically corrected: “They had to wait until he was three.”

The crew was blown away by Momma Farter’s revelation, so she continued, saying Will had to wear a colostomy bag for the first three years of his life. Howard wondered: “Do you think the operation created his bionic ass?” Momma Farter nodded (”It must have.”) and later denied that Will was “slow.” Howard also asked Momma Farter to describe Will’s Internet fans, and she obliged: “Queers…the gays.”

FART IN YOUR MOM’S FACE

Pricilla explained that she needed $1000 to get her car fixed, so she agreed to endure 30 seconds of her son’s talents in exchange for a cash prize.

Howard then asked Pricilla to lie down and had Will squat over her face: “There’s a chance you could have an accident all over your mom’s face.” Will promised to resist: “I’ll try not to.” Pricilla withstood the onslaught for a while (”I’m living!”) but moved several times, forcing them to restart the clock each time: “I tried to do anything but think about the smell.” Afterward, Will apologized: “I’m sorry. Do you still love me?” Pricilla was unsure: “Well…”

STUMP THE BOOEY

STUMP THE BOOEY

Howard welcomed a guy named “Chuckles” and his ex, Jenna, to play Stump the Booey. Howard explained that Chuckles and Gary would be asked to name 80s tunes based on a short audio sample, and if Gary got more right, Jenna would have to get naked.

Howard asked Jenna why she and Chuckles broke up, and she was honest: “’Cause I’m a c**t.” Satisfied, Howard started playing the audio clips:


Chuckles guessed the first song was by Bananarama, but Gary knew it was “In My House” by The Mary Jane Girls.

Chuckles couldn’t identify the second song and Gary thought it was “Heaven” by Warrant. The correct answer was “When I’m With You” by Sheriff.

Chuckles was stumped by the third clip, and while Gary got the song title right (”I’ve been in Love Before”) he cited Heaven as the artist – the correct answer was Cutting Crew.

Chuckles again couldn’t even guess, and Gary again got the title right (”It Might Be You”) but mistook the artist – Gary said it was Chistopher Cross, not the correct answer, Steven Bishop.


Both guys knew the final song: “Modern Love” by David Bowie. Gary won!

THE SYBIAN MAKES HER ITCHY

Howard then raised the curtain and revealed a fully-nude Jenna: “First of all, you’re tattooed heavily, which shows you’re a crazy wild girl.” Artie loved the view: “She’s got a really nice ass.”

The crew was disturbed by the tattoo of a uterus on her abdomen, but not so much that they refused her a Sybian ride: “Can I do it in my ass? I’m on the rag.” Howard allowed it, so Jenna hopped on: “I don’t think it’s as good as I was expecting…It’s kinda making me itchy. It’s not for me.”

Jenna still wanted a chance to make some money, so Howard asked if she liked being tickled. Jenna said she hated it – which everyone decided was a perfect opportunity – and, after negotiating some prize money, agreed to get strapped into the tickle chair. After watching the guys tickle her for about a minute, Howard quickly cut things off and handed over her prize: “That looked like date rape.”
Friday’s Show

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