Date posted: February 9, 2009

Friday,  January 30, 2009The Best of the Week January 26 – 30 The Howard Stern Show for January 30, 2009JD’S SEX LIFE EXPOSED!JD HAS A GIRLFRIEND?

Howard learned that JD was dating someone, so JD came in to explain: “It’s something very new.” Howard asked if JD hung out with the girl at his apartment (”Yeah.”) and banged her: “Kinda…it only happened once.” JD added that he didn’t want to discuss it: “I’m just afraid of talking about any of it.” Howard wondered how he met the girl, so JD laughed: “The Internet is a wonderful thing.”


The crew then asked JD how he first got it on with the girl…and after a series of questions to break through the “uh”s and “I don’t know”s, they were finally able to piece together that the couple spent their first date in JD’s apartment watching a movie. JD bedded her soon after and lasted “a little while.” Howard wondered if the girl stayed the night, but JD said no, explaining they just watched some Seinfeld (”We talked a little bit…I don’t know!”) and then left. Robin laughed: “Maybe you’ll be able to keep your tax return this year.” [JD spent last year’s tax refund at Ricks.]

NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR JD

Howard talked with Susie, a girl who wrote the show to request a date with JD and told her that JD had figured out who she was: “And he totally rejected you…JD’s making it like you’re not up to his standards.” JD came in to say he wasn’t interested in dating someone from Florida: “I’m sure she’s very pretty or whatever, but when we met after [Artie's] show, her eyes were a little crazy…maybe I’m retarded. I don’t know…I’m very shallow.”


Howard wondered how JD got so picky, so JD explained: “I don’t want a date off the show or date on the show.” Robin asked Susie if she thought JD was a “marriage candidate,” and Susie was quick: “Of course!” The answer scared JD: “I’m not interested at all. I’m sorry…can’t you just be not attracted to somebody?”

JD’S GOT BOOTY LINED UP

Howard asked JD if he’d consider just having sex with Susie, but JD claimed he already had plans for the next time he was in her area: “I, uh, sort of might have things set up for Florida.” When asked to explain himself, JD became irritated: “People, dude! I don’t know…I mean, things could change between then and now.”
GARY’S HOME THEATER TAKES OVER THE SHOWGARY’S STOOL PROBLEM

Gary told the crew that he was having some people over to watch the Super Bowl in his home theater, but Howard thought it was weird that Gary planned on entertaining during a game he wanted to watch (and giving up all the good seats to his guests). Gary quickly became annoyed with Howard’s criticism: “Everybody’s got an opinion.” A caller came to Gary’s defense, so Howard explained his issue was more general: “He just does everything wrong.”

GARY FILIBUSTERS

Gary slipped and said he stood behind the decision, and Howard seized the opportunity: “You’re right. You will be standing.” Gary admitted that there were 8 “comfy” chairs and 3 stools at the bar in the back of the room. Adding that he and his wife would probably be on the stools (with Sal: “So I can keep an eye on him.”), and the guests Mary invited would get the comfy chairs. Gary quipped that the guys in the back always wonder who Howard’s “wheel” would land on on the days there were no guests on the show: today was Gary’s turn.

Howard looked at pictures of Gary’s home theater and asked if Gary got paid for allowing it to be photographed. Gary refused to answer and repeatedly yelled “LALALALALA” over the crew’s questions/discussion on the topic.

Everyone cracked up over Gary’s behavior and added that Gary made a mistake by allowing Sound & Vision magazine to publish both pictures and floor-plan of his home.

A FORMER MISS USA’S NEW PORN CAREERMISS USA DOES PORN?

Former Miss USA Kelli McCarty stopped by to promote her new porn career, saying she’d come a long way since winning the Miss USA crown in 1991. In between, she was on “Beverly Hills: 90210,” “Melrose Place,” “Passions” and few Disney shows. Her career never really took off though, so now she’s doing porn for Vivid – her first film, “Faithless,” comes out next month.


Howard asked Kelli about a particularly rough scene in her movie, and Kelli explained: “It’s not really a rape scene…well, sort of.” Steve the (former) Intern came in to say he was upset that Kelli was betraying her Miss USA title: “Doesn’t Miss USA mean anything?” Artie shouted his reply: “No!” Steve thought Kelli could hurt the little girls that look up to her: “You should lead by example.” Howard disagreed: “It’s not like she’s the Queen of England…it’s just a thing put together by television executives.”

SHE DID TURN DOWN SEINFELD THOUGH

Howard asked what Kelli did as Miss USA, and she said it was a lot of charity work – and fielding calls from celebrity paramours, like Jerry Seinfeld: “I hadn’t even seen his show…he was like, ‘Hey, I wanna talk to her,’ so they set it up. I didn’t even know who he was at the time. He was like, ‘Hey, wanna hang out,’ and we did a couple times…he was just kinda boring.” Kelli said Jerry even tried to get her to let him come up to her apartment, but she turned him down.

Howard wondered if any other celebrities ever asked her out, and Kelli cited Pauly Shore as particularly aggressive: “Me and everybody else…he started calling my parents house.” Kelli said she also hooked up with David Spade after meeting him at a salon: “He was coming in to get a facial as I was leaving.” Howard asked if David had a big penis, and Kelli was shocked that Howard was in the dark: “Everybody knows.”

BENJY AND DEPACE HUNT FOR SILICONE

Gary chimed in that Scott DePace doubted Kelli’s D-cups were all natural, as she claimed. Kelli said she wouldn’t let him feel them with his hands, she did let Scott give her a “hug test.” Scott quickly ran into the studio to administer the test and reported that they flattened like the real things – so they must be real. Benjy didn’t believe it though and wanted to administer some other test that would require Kelli to lie down. Kelli, however, said Benjy scared her and wouldn’t comply. She did let him touch her breasts with his elbow though and Benjy claimed he could feel an implant. DePace though Benjy was wrong though.

SAL’S FILTER FAILURE

Gary reported that Sal recently said some pretty shocking things to celebrity chef Bobby Flay. Sal came in to tell how he was showing Bobby and his wife around the office and told him his Burger Palace burgers were “like having a “woman’s thing” in your mouth.” Sal explained that he felt he was filtering himself to not be crude in front Bobby’s wife – as he would have normally used the word “pussy” instead. Howard thought Sal was insane, and Artie agreed: “That’s the creepiest thing ever.” Sal admitted that Bobby’s wife (Law & Order star Stephanie March) overheard the comment and was quite offended.


Howard then played a bit Sal thought was really funny in which Sal calls a department store and asks them to page his son “Nick Gerz” (say it out loud). He then recorded the page as the woman asked “Nick Gerz” to come to the front of the store. Howard asked Sal if he understood this was wrong – making someone else say the N-word like this is not funny. Sal continued to argue with everyone that it really was funny and not racist.Friday’s Show

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website