The Best of the Week October 19- 23 The Howard Stern Show for October 23, 2009

MEDICATED PETE IS A KARAOKE STARSteve Langford reported that Mediated/Tourette's Pete (earlier in the show, frequent caller Johnboy, complained about Pete’s moniker and Howard changed it to Medicated Pete) was a karaoke king, so Pete came in to explain: "When I get onstage, I'm more comfortable than when I'm in a crowd of people." Pete added that he was recovering from laryngitis but promised to wow the crew with his rendition of “Purple Rain” when he was better.KARAOKE: HOWARD VS. MEDICATED PETE
While Pete was in-studio, Howard asked if he was well enough to show off his karaoke skills. Pete grabbed a mic and belted out a hilarious version of “Purple Rain” as Howard laughed: "He's turning purple! Sing it!" To be fair, Howard tried to prove he was better, but Fred determined that Howard had lost: "I think you had some timing issues. Your vocal was actually pretty good but your timing was off. That threw you."

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
Clarence Clemons stopped by to promote his new book, “Big Man: Real Life & Tall Tales,” and explained the subtitle: "Some of it was made up, most of it is just bullshit." Howard noted that Clarence met Bruce Springsteen in 1974, and Clarence nodded, explaining he felt an instant connection with his future E Street Band companion: "When I first saw him, I knew it. I knew this was it."

THE E STREET BAND YEARS
Howard asked about the years in which Bruce wasn't working with the E Street Band, and Clarence acknowledged that the (temporary) split upset him: "I was pissed." Howard read a quote from Clarence's book in which Redd Foxx told him to "Watch Bruce Springsteen...just remember that he's white. I don't mean anything bad by that, but when he looks at the world, it's different." Clarence laughed that he had paid the advice no mind: "I was never shocked by anything Redd Foxx said. He was kinda pissed off at the world."

Clarence also credited the E Street Band's longevity to their largely-separate lives: "We don't hang out with each other and get in each other's lives." Clarence also told a story about an "I go or Clarence goes" ultimatum that Vini 'Mad Dog' Lopez reportedly gave to the Boss, leading Howard to commend Bruce's loyalty: "Sometimes you can trust white people! He made the right decision." Clarence said he had no hard feelings toward Vini: "I have no malice – no hatred for him. I can't say sympathy, but...we miss each other."

WEED, WOMEN & BROKEN CONDOMS
Clarence told the crew he no longer smoked weed: "I decided it was time to look at the world a different way. I'm a more mature person now...no more weed, man. No more nothing. I stopped drinking alcohol." He also revealed that he once had an orgy with 6 women ("I watched a lot.") and was happy to have knocked up a groupie along the way: "He's a great kid and I'm glad the condom broke."

TRACY MORGAN IS THE NEW BLACK
Tracy Morgan stopped by to promote his new book, “I'm the New Black,” and everyone laughed at his huge diamond rings and long black trenchcoat outfit. Tracy shrugged: "When you're driving around in a Lamborghini, you can do whatever you want. Because I'm eccentric now! I'm driving around with slippers on!"

Howard asked about a recording that leaked from Tracy's audiobook of him talking about how Cheri Oteri and Chris Kattan mostly ignored him when they were on SNL together, but Tracy dismissed it: "You wanna see me and Cheri have a fight...you wanna see a titty pop out or something." Tracy instead told the crew about his days as a crack dealer, including the time he let a crackhead pay for her rocks with sex: "She had a banging f ‘ing body...I said, 'Put this bag on.'"

RAISING TRACY
Tracy told the crew he had a rough childhood in Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, referencing a time he shit in a pubic pool: "Because they stole my sneakers...big brown shark comin’." Tracy laughed that water helps him move his bowels to this day: "I guess it relaxes my muscles. My neighbor had a slip-n-slide [and I] shut that down."

Tracy felt remorse for some the stories he'd written about his dad: "I don't think my father thought I was going to write a book and put it in there." Tracy said he last spoke to his mother "about 8 years ago...I know what I get from my mother. My stubbornness...I don't think it was one incident...I'm still figuring out me and my mother's relationship now." Howard asked if Tracy worried that they wouldn't reconcile before her death, and Tracy shrugged: "I think everyone in the room worries about that shit."

ARTIE'S BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN
Howard kicked off the show noting that Artie was back in the studio, proving Fred – who'd speculated that Artie might only return as a guest – wrong. Fred welcomed Artie back: "I'm happy for Artie. I hope he's doing well." Artie confessed: "Listen, I had what you might call a mini-nervous breakdown...I was in therapy doing well and I had a pattern of repeating mistakes in my life and that's something my father had."

A TWO-CITY BREAKDOWN
Artie said his therapist thought he was subconsciously trying to live a life of mistakes, as it was the model of masculinity he'd learned from his father. Artie said his breakdown began after doing a charity gig in Detroit and being hit with "anxiety, depression, all that shit...I just turned 42 and I didn't realize how tough that was going to be."

Artie added that the charity gig for a paralyzed guy in a wheel chair compounded his anxiety about aging: "I hadn't really been next to [a paraplegic] since my old man and it affected me." Artie said didn’t go to therapy when he returned home: "I made myself physically ill. I was dry-heaving. I was sweating." His girlfriend cared for him while he convalesced: "I love my girlfriend. I'm in love."

...ALMOST BECAME A RELAPSE
Artie said he'd canceled most of his gigs after the end of the year: "2010 I will not be on the road...this schedule and the road is bad. And this is more important – of course." He might even do a detox diet: "Stacy wants me to do the Robin thing...I just like cheeseburgers so much. I don't know if I can be a part of it." Artie claimed he was glad he didn't turn back to heroin: "I was close to going to the bad shit because I just wanted anything to feel better...you start to question everything in your life."

ERIC THE MIDGET TO DO STAND-UP, VISIT THE SHOW?
Eric the Midget called in to ask if his upcoming stand-up debut (opening for Artie on December 12th) was still on. Artie wanted to move the gig: "If I flew you into a local gig here in Jersey is that something you would do?" Eric said sure – but Gary had an amendment: "If he's flying he's gotta come in here too." Artie asked: "Could I get corporate to split the plane ticket with me?" Gary nodded: "Absolutely."