Gary is the stunt labia – The Howard Stern ShowWednesday,  October 15, 2008GARY IS THE STUNT LABIA The Howard Stern Show for October 15, 2008GARY IS TOO DUMPY FOR TV Howard started off the show talking with a caller who thought that Gary looked “dumpy” on his episode of “Mancaves,” and Gary agreed: “It’s not an expensive show. There’s a lot of handheld cameras…I don’t know if they were giving me are hard time, but there were a lot of teeth shots.”
ARTIE’S HANDS ARE FULL…OF FOODGary told Howard that he tried to hand Artie his breakfast bagel this morning, but Artie couldn’t take it, as he had cupcakes in both hands. Gary wondered why Artie didn’t just put the bagel in his mouth and carry it that way, to which Artie replied: “Because I’m not an animal.”

HAS “HEROES” JUMPED THE SHARK?Howard complained about the most recent season of “Heroes,” as all the characters are heroes now and anyone can have superpowers. Jon Hein came in to say audiences agreed with him:
“It had its worst week two weeks ago…[with only] a 6 [rating share]…It’s been terrible the last couple episodes.” Robin said she hated one of the new characters, a girl who runs fast, and Howard agreed: “If she slowed down, I’d kick her right in the snatch.”
GARY’S LIPS SAVE THE DAYA stripper stopped by with her plastic surgeon to show Howard her pre-labiaplasty vagina (or at least that’s what the email she sent the show said), explaining how she wanted to have her labia made smaller because she works as a go-go dancer and frequently wears tight pants: “It just looks puffy down there.”

When Howard asked to see the offending labia, she refused (“It’s personal for me.”), so Howard promptly kicked the pair out: “Why do you think we booked you? Get out of here!” Gary then came in to ask if he could cut the plugs out of the replay, and Howard agreed.

Richard came in to make up for the segment’s failure by crafting a makeshift labia out of Gary’s lips:
“He’s gotta lay on the couch. On his side.” Gary laid down and Richard pulled a pair of panties over Gary’s lips. Howard was disgusted: “She needs an operation!”

Howard directed the scene, telling Gary to open his mouth to “spread the lips” and make sputtering noises. Sal then burst in with a dildo and tried to put it in Gary’s mouth, but Gary tackled him and shoved it in his instead.

DAVID ALAN GRIER IS JEALOUS David Alan Grier stopped by to promote his new Comedy Central series, “Chocolate News,” and told Robin that she once ignored him at the gym years ago. Robin said she didn’t remember the incident, so David shot back that it was a race issue:
“You were [ignoring me, talking to your white trainer] like, ‘Excuse me, black man.’” Howard asked if David had ever pulled a Chappelle-style flip-out over race issues and gone back to Africa, but David dismissed the idea: “I went to Africa to look at animals.”
Howard told David that he always thought he was gay, but David countered: “No, I love pussy…My wife is Korean…My first wife was Puerto Rican.” David then told a story about one of Jim Carrey’s hilarious characters that never made it to the air on “In Living Color”: “He [would] pull out 40 feet of colon use it as a rope to lasso people.” David added that he never would’ve predicted fellow cast member Jamie Foxx’s success: “If you would’ve told me that ‘Ugly Girl’ would win an Oscar…I’m jealous as f’.”
DAG ISN’T A “SEINFELD” FANDavid told the crew about auditioning for the role of George Costanza on “Seinfeld”: “It was the worst audition ever…[Jerry] was horrible! He was horrible, he made me horrible.
[I thought] this will never work.” David laughed that he was also repeatedly approached to become a character on “Cheers”: “Every six months or so they said, ‘They’re looking for a black bartender’…[it always came to] nothing!”
RAY STERN WANTS ANSWERS

Howard’s mother called in to complain about the questions asked during Monday’s “Who Knows Howard Best?” contest: “You berate [your father] all the time…and certainly don’t give him a clue that he’s your hero.” Howard thought his parents should at least know how many tattoos he had but tried to console her anyway:
“You still had eight right answers.” Ray didn’t want to hear it and instead made a dig at Howard’s thrice-weekly therapy sessions: “I can’t imagine what has been going on [with your psychiatrist] for so many years.”
Howard quickly turned the tables: “You want to be honest? I talk a lot about you…Listen, you and I were locked up in that house together and a lot went down. You told me I was your ambassador to the world. That turned me into Jesus Christ!” Robin asked Ray if her relationship with Howard had improved since he began therapy, but Howard cut in: “Of course it has.” Ray, however, begged to differ: “That’s what you think.”
I JUST NEED TO SHOW SOMEONE MY COCKGary reported that the Website Christy Brinkley’s former husband, Peter Cook used to video-chat was called Adult Friend Finder. HowardTV logged Howard into the site and Howard began chatting live with a girl in the New York area: “[Write that] I need to talk to a chick now and show my cock.” Howard balked at following through himself, however, telling Artie: “Go in Gary’s office and show her your cock.” Sal came in to tell how he used to frequent video-chat sites himself: “I would put on a wig and sunglasses and dim the lights and go into the lesbian chat rooms…I would get to see these lesbians naked.” Gary laughingly asked, “Didn’t your wife once wake up in the middle of the night and catch you in the wig?” Sal confessed that she had.
WHO IS THE SECRET SUPERFAN?

Gary said Natalie Maines, Jeff Probst and Jillian Barbarie will be hosting this week’s “Superfan Roundtable” live from Nobu in LA. Guests will include Jimmy Kimmel, Neil Patrick Harris and a secret special guest who will reveal their status as a superfan for the first time.
Barbara Walters’ interview with Peter Cook might have violated his divorce’s confidentiality agreement.
Michelle Lowenstein won “The Wheel of Fortune’s” first million dollar prize. Neil Hefti, the composer of the “Batman” TV show theme song, is dead.
Universities are paying students to re-take the SATs in order to improve their scores.
You can’t cremate your grandmother in the backyard.
Do you have a work-spouse?

Mayor Bloomberg wants a third term.
Rolling Stone magazine is getting smaller. DJ AM is joining Jay-Z’s upcoming tour. The crew discussed – and then listened to Howard’s childhood radio play based on – the old “Batman” television series.

Fred whipped out his guitar and performed a cover of The Who’s “My Generation” with Artie and Robin on back-up vocals.
The gang laughed at clips of the Reverend Bob Levy attempting to read parts of Artie’s new audiobook.
Howard and Artie sang along to Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down.”

JD said he once “accidentally” had chatroom sex with a guy.
Howard laughed at Peter Cook’s bizarre behavior during his Barbara Walters interview.
Howard said he planned to watch “The Incredible Hulk” for a second time this week.

David Alan Grier admitted that he once dated Lori Petty.
David Alan Grier noted that the Wayans brothers were from Manhattan’s Chelsea projects.
Howard congratulated Guy Ritchie on his divorce from Madonna.
Wednesday’s Show