Date posted: June 30, 2008

Got free (stuff)? – The Howard Stern ShowWednesday,  June 25, 2008GOT FREE (STUFF)? The Howard Stern Show for June 25, 2008ARTIE’S AC-INDUCED SICK DAY

Howard started off the show noting that Artie wouldn’t be in today. Gary came in to say that Artie called him at 5:15 and claimed to be having voice troubles due to his window-mounted AC unit (King of All Blacks would later call in to question why a man of Artie’s obvious wealth didn’t have central air). Howard countered that Artie’s health might be suffering for another reason, citing an email from a doctor who described the dangerous and debilitating consequences of long-term Subutex use. Howard then read an excerpt from the email, which detailed why Subutex should only be used in extreme cases of opiate addiction, and even then just for a short period.



A lot of the symptoms described in the email (sluggishness, exhaustion, excessive sweating, etc.) perfectly matched Artie’s behavior. Howard said he might’ve made a mistake yesterday by giving Artie a copy of the email, as it probably freaked him out. Gary agreed, saying it might’ve hit Artie hard enough to think he needed a break/rest. Howard countered that Artie was most likely just upset over losing his Lord of the Anal Rings title, the first assessment to get Fred’s seal of approval.ERIC THE MIDGET IS BITTEREric the Midget called in to complain about not getting the chance to speak with Richard Belzer when he was on the other day, so Howard told him that Belzer would not care what a midget had to say. Howard also said Eric was better at endlessly promoting the programming on The JFSC than asking interesting questions. Eric actually seemed to take this criticism well. Later, Eric yelled at Steve Langford, proving that his new attitude was only temporary.RONNIE’S VANITY ‘STACHEA caller remarked that Ronnie was acting strangely on yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show. Howard agreed, noting that Ronnie first came to his attention with strange behavior, like sending Howard a “psycho” letter scrawled in crayon. Ronnie came in to say Howard remembered it all wrong, but before he could make a

coherent argument, JD came in to make fun of the fact that Ronnie had dyed his mustache. Ronnie fessed up: “Yeah, it’s a little darker…[I used] that Just for Men bullshit. The Keith Hernandez stuff.” SAL IS STILL BANNED FROM THE WEDDINGSal came in to complain about not being invited to Howard’s wedding – and implied that Howard was allowing Beth to make decisions for him. Howard replied that he made the decision himself: “You lied to my girlfriend. You dissed her…She said, ‘I don’t want him at my wedding’ and I understand why.” Howard added that he had a relationship in which things are talked over, but he’d sound like an asshole if he tried to defend Sal’s actions.DUDE, WHERE’S YOUR POINT?Harry Franklin, the guy who paid Fred and Will to read and review his book, called in to finally hear thier review. Fred said the book was too long and could stand to lose 200 pages – but then recounted the plot point-by-point. Howard told Fred to shorten it up, so Fred said it was in desperate need of some editing: “There’s too much preaching going on…[I give it] a ‘D.’” Will agreed, adding that Harry needed to lose the Howard Stern-ish character’s ridiculous subplot. MATCH THE WEDDING SONG TO THE STAFFERHoward ran through some of the (often hilarious) songs played during the bride-and-groom’s first dance at certain staffer’s weddings:

Sal: “When A Man Loves A Woman.”



Scott Depace: Brian Adams’ “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”



Scott Salem: Barbara Streisand’s “Evergreen.”

Doug Goodstein: Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose.”



Jon Hein: The Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody.”



Steve Langford: Stevie Wonder’s “Ribbon in the Sky.” THE ESSAY-APPEALS START ROLLING IN

Howard said High Pitch Mike was the first to turn in his essay application for a Stern-Ostrosky wedding invite, and it had easily convinced Beth. Howard then read the essay, which detailed all the milestones Mike doesn’t believe he’ll ever experience in his own life (like having a child, getting married or even being invited to a wedding – Will and Jason both neglected to invite Mike to their ceremonies) and requested just one seat, as he’d never be able to get a date to join him, no matter how exclusive the event. Howard the essay was profoundly moving: “I read it and it broke my heart. I’m seriously considering inviting him to the wedding.”

Gary then brought in Brian Phelan’s essay, which was short and to the point: Brian argued that since his three kids rarely leave him with the chance to get out of the house, he’ll relish the opportunity to have a “good time” and keep the wedding from getting too boring. Gary said Brian was spot-on: “He’s always fun and never embarrasses anyone but himself.” Howard thought he’d like Brian to be there, but he’d have to see how many seats he had left to give away.THIS ONE’S ON WENDY THE RETARD

Howard got Wendy the Retard on the line to discuss why she wants to leave the show, so Wendy explained that the income she gets from her appearances ends up placing too much pressure on her to help support her extended family. Robin told Wendy that she needed to keep her money to herself, but Wendy insisted she needed to buy groceries “for the house.” Robin asked Wendy why she didn’t try to find a husband at her local bowling alley, but Wendy said she’d rather focus on her game, noting that she recently bowl a 156.NOT THE “REAL” GILBERT GOTTFRIEDGilbert Gottfried stopped by and Howard told him that, for once, he’d like to have a conversation with the “real” Gilbert. Gilbert laughed that it would never happen. Howard then played a clip of Gilbert laughing at the death of Rodney Dangerfield and cited it as an example of the difficulty Gilbert has dealing with reality. Gilbert said he really wasn’t on the best of terms with Rodney anyway: Rodney once approached Gilbert before they got on a plane together and told him not to annoy him during the flight.

Howard asked Gilbert if having a daughter had changed his opinion of women, but Gilbert said no: “You know how people say that every woman’s a C’ except for their mother? I don’t.” Howard then took a call from a Fangoria magazine employee, who noted that Gilbert’s one the mag’s most loyal readers. Gilbert said the guy was right and admitted that he was a big fan of classic monsters and monster movies, like “The Wolfman.” The Fangoria guy said Gilbert was so cheap, he once came by the mag’s offices with an empty backpack so he could score a bunch of free back-issues. Howard laughed that Gilbert’s frugality was infamous: Gilbert is always in search of freebies, so much so that he has boxes in his house filled with complimentary bottles of shampoo and conditioner from his hotel stays. Gilbert admitted that he even has trouble buying toys for his daughter, because he knows she’d be just as happy playing with a crumpled piece of paper.A new building in Dubai will be constantly in motion.
Shaq’s rap has cost him his badge.

The BET Awards were last night.


Obama’s kicking ass.



A New Mexico man was killed by a mountain lion
A Florida teen lost an arm to a gator.

Larry King’s wife is an addict.
Amy Winehouse is not afraid of emphysema.

Anne Hathaway’s ex is in big trouble.

The Clintons are throwing their weight behind Obama.



Have Cuban scientists found a lung cancer vaccine?


Tiger Woods had surgery on his left knee.



Your drugs came from Afghanistan.


Poor Americans are being devastated by worms and parasites.Gilbert Gottfried blamed the controversial joke of the day on Groucho Marx.


An employee of Fangoria magazine called in.



Gilbert correctly cited Stan Lee as one of The Incredible Hulk’s creators.



Gilbert told a story about being on “Hannah Montana.”


Howard cited “The Catcher in the Rye” as his favorite book.

Fred referenced “The Fountainhead.”

King of all Blacks called in to say he recently had rhinoplasty so he’d have more of a “white nose.”Wednesday’s Show