Date posted: September 16, 2008

Introducing (the almost) beth stern – The Howard Stern ShowTuesday,  September 16, 2008INTRODUCING (THE ALMOST) BETH STERN The Howard Stern Show for September 16, 2008GET OFF MY LAWNHoward opened the show talking about the amount of noise Beth was making this morning. He explained that she was very busy with wedding and marathon planning and was up early making all kinds of noise in the apartment. Robin asked if Howard got the present she sent him, he said he had and thanked her for the house warming gift – and joked that it was a beautiful “old style” lawn jockey. He noted that he hadn’t seen a black lawn jockey since he was in high school and a guy down the street had one. He remembered how someone would spray paint the face white every night, causing him to have to repaint it each time. A caller said he had a supply of black lawn jockeys and offered to send a few to him for Howard’s new house. Robin thought they might look funny in the studio but Howard declined.A STAR IS BORNFrequent caller Wolfie asked Howard how JD had gotten past the interview stage to get his job as the “Tivo Guy” on the Howard Stern Show. Howard recalled that JD had started as an intern and had taken some initiative in creating the job he now holds. Gary said that the girl who had been pulling before JD had been fired after she tried to sell “her boyfriend’s beats” to 50 Cent, adding that Ronnie had to pull her out of the green room to get her away from the rap star. Howard thought it would be interesting to have a show of all the people who had NOT been chosen as interns and Gary remembered one guy who sat down for his interview and put his feet up on the desk. Howard wondered where that guy was now.

Gary then brought in JD’s resume and Howard ran through some of JD’s accomplishments, including directing a high school video project and working as an assistant manager in a video rental store. Howard asked JD how he would relate his video store experience to whatever job he was interviewing for, and JD mumbled something about working with people. Artie speculated that Jared Fox would have had no problem with that question and JD asked why everyone always had to bring Jared into everything. Howard thought it would be funny to create a cartoon of Jared and JD doing things together – like going on a job interview.
LUCAS DELL’ABATE…LUCAS DELL’ABATE

Howard reported that Benjy was arrested yesterday while interrupting the numerous newscasts taking place outside the nearby Lehman Brothers headquarters building.

Howard was curious why Benjy had been yelling the name of Gary’s son, Lucas Dell’Abate. Benjy explained that Lucas had told him how much he loved it when Benjy “hijacked” newscasts, so Benjy promised the boy he would yell his name the next time he did it. Benjy agreed with Howard it wasn’t all that funny, but he always kept his promises, adding that he “Lucas Dell’Abate’d” on CNN, Fox and Sky News from the UK. Gary said he was calling home to let Lucas know. Later in the show, Gary reported that Lucas was very excited when he heard what Benjy had done.
A ONE MAN BANDThe owner of one of the most popular gossip Websites on the Internet, PerezHilton.com – who also happens to be named Perez Hilton – stopped by to say hi. Howard noted that, other than his sister and mother, Perez pretty much runs the site himself. Perez explained he gets up at four in the morning and trolls the Internet for stories and photos to post (and draw on). Howard observed that one of the drawbacks of his success was that the things he used to get away with when no one was paying attention get him into trouble now that his site is so popular. Perez agreed, noting he now has to pay for the photos he uses on his site. Perez asked Howard if it was true he and Beth would be getting married in the next few days. Howard laughed that news outlets had been reporting the same thing almost every weekend this past summer, adding that Beth had been approached by a couple of magazines offering up to $2 million for photos from their wedding. Howard said they had considered taking the money to give to their charities, but in the end turned the offer down.
PEREZ HAS THE DIRTHoward asked Perez about the story he’d read of a wild night on the town Perez had spent with John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. According to Perez’ version of the story the trio shared a very hot few minutes in a club, although John Mayer’s people denied the story. Howard asked what Perez has been hearing about politics in Hollywood and Perez reported that most everyone was pretty vocally supporting Obama – except Kid Rock who doesn’t think people shouldn’t talk about their politics in public. Perez thought the recent addition of Sarah Palin to the race was great from a gossip columnist’s point of view…adding that the most recent thing he’d heard about the Governor of Alaska was that she had a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion, although she claims she paid for it with her own money.
BETH MEETS A HILTONBefore Perez left the studio Howard checked with Gary to see if Beth had arrived for her visit, explaining she visits PerezHilton.com several times a day. Gary said she was there and Beth came in, arguing that she only visits once a day. Beth explained she does love the site but has some problems with a few things, mainly with the way he treats the children of celebs, like Adam Sandler’s infant daughter and Rumer Willis. Perez replied that Bruce and Demi’s eldest daughter had earned her treatment on her own and explained the photo of Sandler’s daughter was something did in hopes of getting a response from Adam, hoping he might earn a spanking from Adam as a punishment. Perez asked Beth if he could have the exclusive on their wedding photos, but she declined. Perez thought it was a shame to waste the beautiful custom Marchesa wedding dress, suggesting that maybe Beth would release a wedding picture of just her in her dress, and Beth seemed to like that idea.
HANGING OUT IN LOCKER ROOMSAfter a break, Beth and her friend Jill Martin came into the studio to the strains of Shaw Blades singing “When I See Beth Smiling.” Howard noted that Jill is a sports reporter for MSG and Howard immediately asked if she ever saw the athletes she interviews naked in the locker room. Jill laughed that the rooms she interviews in are usually separate from the changing and shower rooms, so she never noticed any naked athletes…even Beth didn’t think she was being truthful. Howard explained that Beth and Jill were in promoting their appearance on the Tyra Banks show later today, when they will talk about finding great fashion bargains. After pointing out to Artie that Jill was single, Howard recalled that Jill dated Steve Gutenberg for about a year. Howard said Jill told him that they would go to Steve’s apartment and watch his movies like “Cocoon” and “Police Academy.” However, Beth remembered when they were first dating Howard made her watch “Son of the Beach” episodes, but Howard said that was different; he wasn’t in those and he had to watch them for work.
RUBBED THE RIGHT WAYHoward asked Jill if she thought was ok to get a professional massage from a male masseuse – while she was in a relationship – but she didn’t think that it would be a problem as she had never been touched inappropriately by a masseuse. Howard then had Beth tell the story about the time she got a massage from a woman who rubbed very closely to “a very sensitive area” and how she started to enjoy the feeling…although she had to stop the woman when it seems things were going to the next level. Howard then got back to the issue of Steve Guttenberg and the alleged size of his penis. While Jill skirted the issue of his size, she did say Steve had the stamina of a stallion. Dominic Barbara called in and asked if Beth could re-tell her massage story…but slower this time.
TO STERN OR NOT TO STERNMariann from Brooklyn called to ask if Beth had decided whether or not she would change her name after she and Howard tie the knot. Jill thought, since Beth O was her trademark name, she should go with Beth O’Stern – but Beth nixed that right away.

Pink Floyd’s Richard Wright has died.

Hallmark now has cards for couples like George and Brad.

One educational activist wants to pay kids to show up at school. An Olympic swimmer was molested as a kid.
Russian devil worshipers are evil.

United Airlines is now charging $50 for your second bag.

HP is cutting jobs.

Asian markets are tumbling too.

President Bush says the current Wall Street problems can be painful…ya think?

John McCain says the markets are in turmoil.

Barack Obama doesn’t understand how McCain could think the fundamentals of the economy are sound.
Train operators should not use cell phones at work.
Hurricane Ike visited Texas.

Oil production was not hurt much by Hurricane Ike.

Lindsay Lohan will be on “Ugly Betty.”

Pacino and DiNiro are in “Righteous Kill” (which Nick renamed “Grumpy Old Guineas”).

Brad Garrett is in “Till Death.”

Parents who argue a lot may cause their kids to have problems.
Howard joked that Robin gave him a lawn jockey as a house warming present.
Beth O will be wearing a Marchesa wedding gown.
Perez Hilton is tough on Rumer Willis.

Perez has some interesting things to say about John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. Jill Martin came in with Beth O today. Nick DiPaolo talked about his trip to Afghanistan with Artie and Gary.

Benjy said he got a desk appearance ticket while he was yelling Lucas Del’Abate’s name for the news cameras.

Dominic Barbara called in to offer Benjy legal council to fight his desk appearance ticket.

Robin picked a newsclip featuring a Hallmark spokesperson named Kolell, which Howard immediately mistook for Kal-el.

When the discussion turned towards Robin’s story of being molested as a child, Fred played
Ham Hands Bill’s now famous “song.”
Tuesday’s Show