Date posted: September 11, 2008

Like mother like daughter – The Howard Stern ShowThursday,  September 11, 2008LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER The Howard Stern Show for September 11, 2008THE PEOPLE METER ATTACKSHoward started the show discussing the way radio ratings are determined, specifically the PPM “people meter,” a device that you wear that detects what you actually listen to. Howard asked Tim Sabean if he liked the PPM more than the old radio “diary” system, in which people wrote down what they purposefully listened to, so Tim speculated that the PPM could cause a rash of “up-selling,” where the jocks are always promoting what’s going to happen in the next 15 minutes.

Howard replied that he almost liked the PPM better, as it canceled out the people who refused to admit that they listened to his show in their “diaries.” Both men agreed on one thing: it’s damn nice to be out of terrestrial radio and not have to worry about this sort of thing anymore. Chris Booker called in to say the PPM is really only for the type of people who are willing to carry around a beeper-style device all day – certainly not hot chicks.
OVERHEARD: HOWARD’S “JACKRABBIT” STYLE

While he had Booker on the line, Howard asked him about his sex life with his super-hot girlfriend, Alicia Lane, but Booker said it was pretty normal. Booker laughed that he once heard Howard and Beth going at it: “In the middle of the night, you were going at it like a jackrabbit…I think your speed is fast. You were pounding away.” Howard admitted that Chris was right: “That’s my style.”
IS RALPH A MONEY-SWIPER?Howard noted that Ralph has been on some kind of anti-Artie campaign recently, as he’s still upset about Artie accusing him of stealing money. Artie repeated the story in question, explaining that when the crew last went to Vegas, they all played a card game – and at the end of the game, Ralph swiped a $100 bill from the table even though he’d lost. When confronted about what he’d done, Ralph claimed he was wrongly accused and slapped down the $100, saying, “I didn’t take it. But here, take a $100 from me.”

Artie said it wasn’t the only time it happened that weekend – Ralph also supposedly swiped a $100 from a tip left on a table for a cocktail waitress. Howard then played a clip of Ralph disputing the two stories, in which Ralph said Artie’s credibility was shot after lying multiple times about his heroin use. Artie had a defense ready: “What would my motive possibly be in all this?…I got back from Vegas and said I can’t wait to lie about Ralph? Dominic Barbara called in to put up $5,000 for Ralph if he passes a lie detector test about Artie’s accusations, and Ralph called in to agree to the stunt.
THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER PORN DUO Howard welcomed Desi and Ellie, a mother-daughter porn star duo, and Robin marveled at Desi’s (the mom) boobs: “Look at those things!” Desi reported that she’s 48 and has been working in porn with her daughter since November. Ellie started in the business first, and her mother followed shortly after. Desi added that Ellie’s father recently became a crack addict and is now in jail for having sex with a 12-year-old.

Ellie confessed that she first blew a guy when she was 12: “It really wasn’t a blow job, though. I just licked it.” Artie said that was enough. Ellie then told the crew about interviewing for her porn job, which started with the expected disrobing – and then immediately continued in a back room as an actual porn scene. A caller asked if the pair ever did ass-to-mouth scenes, but they claim they didn’t, explaining that they always have to be 10ft apart in their scenes.
WHAT WON’T THEY DO? The crew then tested the pair’s limits:

Will they have sex on the same bed? Ellie said no: “That’s an intimate space.”

Will they have sex with the same guy one after the other? Only if he cleans off in between.

Is the grandmother interested in joining in? Desi said no: “She’s very religious.”

Are any other family members porn stars? No, but “we do have a dog that’s a slut.”

Do they cum-swap? No.

McCain or Obama? “Obama. Of course.”

LEVY & BONADUCE FACE OFF

The Reverend Bob Levy and Danny Bonaduce stopped by to promote their upcoming boxing match, and Howard told Bob that he should re-think the whole affair. Bob said Danny’s lifelong training meant nothing: “This is all I need for Danny.” Danny stripped off his shirt to show Bob the shape he’s in and explained how the two started feuding: “Bob comes in and slaps me [in front of the cameras at some event] and thinks he’s gonna get famous.”

Danny said he was taking a lot of steroids to prepare for the show: “I have no concern for my health.” Danny also bragged about his new girlfriend, a 26-year-old tenth-grade math teacher. Howard asked Danny how he planned to take Bob out, and Danny explained that he would take one of Bob’s punches. If it hurts, he’ll take Bob out early. If it doesn’t, he’ll torture Bob for all three rounds. Howard pleaded with the guys to call off the fight, but both refused.
CHRIS ROCK’S BROTHER IS HIS OWN MAN

Tony Rock, Chris’ brother, stopped by to promote his new TV show, “The Tony Rock Project,” and said that while his brother is the number 1 comic, he’s “probably number 7.” Tony told the crew that it’s never been easy working as a comic in his brother’s shadow: for a long time, he’d just get booed off the stage. Howard asked if Tony was doing well now, and Tony said he was: “This is my third TV show.” Tony said his last show was on the air for four years, and he has several projects in the works.

Tony laughed that, like Howard, Chris told him not to get married, and he’s taken the advice to heart: “If you’re single and want to f’ a Rock brother, I’m your man.” Tony added that he went to fashion week party last night: “It was easy pickins, man.” Howard asked if Tony was voting for Obama, and he said he was, “Of course.” Tony also claimed he’d dated some b-list celebrities, like Michelle Williams from Destiny’s Child and a few others.
“THE EDGE GOES TO DANNY”

Danny noted that he was stabbed twice last month during a robbery, explaining that he saw three youths carrying box-cutters, but when one of them tried to take his money, he told them: “I can’t, dude. My girlfriend’s watching.” Danny then pulled off his pants to show that he’d tattoo’d Bob’s name on his ass: “If he knocks me down, I want him to hit the mat first.” Howard asked the crew who they thought would win, and Fred asked Bob to shadowbox before he would register his vote: “Sometimes it’s a good way to see technique.”

Bob tossed on some gloves and threw a few jabs. Afterward, Fred analyzed: “He’s leaving his arms wide open.” Gary agreed, noting that Bob’s punches could be seen coming from a mile away: “Every one of ‘em is telegraphed.” Artie thought it would be “a better fight than you guys think.”

Danny then showed his technique, dancing and throwing with skill. The guy behind the gloves said Danny was the only one whose punches pushed him back.
Fred agreed: “Bob’s right looked pretty solid, but the edge goes to Danny.” MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAMEHoward got Mike Walker of the National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:

1. Star Jones spurned Michelle Obama’s relatives at the DNC.

2. Jessica Simpson panicked and dialed 911 when she saw a sea lion at the beach.

3. Kiefer Sutherland forgot his Bic lighter at a hotel room and sent his limo to pick it up.

4. Robert Downey Jr. laid down his motorcycle and immediately jumped back on because he’s afraid of California’s displaced mountain lions.

Howard thought the Kiefer Sutherland story was too ridiculous. Robin went with the Star Jones item, Artie defended Robert Downey Jr. and Fred picked the Jessica Simpson item. Mike then announced that Fred had won – Howard’s streak is over.

IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWS

Chubby Checkers’ “The Twist” is Billboard’s top song of all time.

The world’s most f’ed up story continues.

Some sick kid beat up a kangaroo.

A (formerly) Nazi-sympathizing insurance company wants its name on the new Giants/Jets stadium.

Will the large hadron collider cause a black hole that swallows the earth?…hope not.

Kim Jong Il is not dead…yet.

Superman-creator Jerry Siegel’s home has been saved.

Tall people make more money.

President Bush will read a story to children today.

The Presidential candidates will meet at Ground Zero today.

VP candidate Joe Biden’s son is headed to Iraq.

McCain once used the very phrase he’s upset with Obama for using.

Obama killed on Letterman.

The Jonas Brothers don’t care about being made fun of.

LA now requires fast food places to display calorie counts.

Eric Carmen is a drunk driver.

Jack Tarrance might’ve been the Zodiac Killer.

Tom Brady has torn both is ACL and MCL.

Tyler Perry’s new movie comes out this weekend. Sour Shoes called in to sing a song in memory of September 11.
Robin saw Harry Potter’s penis.
Artie joked that “Manic Monday” was the top song of all time.
Howard talked with his friend Hunter, who’s currently stationed in one of the most dangerous war zones in Afganistan.

Thursday’s Show