Lt rules the roost – The Howard Stern ShowTuesday,  October 28, 2008LT RULES THE ROOST The Howard Stern Show for October 28, 2008NO RALPHS ALLOWEDArtie started off the show telling a story: “One time when I was in Vegas doing stand-up, a guy gave me two hits of ecstasy to keep me up – because I’d stopped doing coke – and then I took a third one and it hit me…I was melting…I had eight hours to sleep it off, thank God.”
Artie said Ralph had had similar problems with ecstasy a couple times, but Howard doubted the validity of Ralph’s I-was-drugged stories: “Why is he always the one who gets slipped something? Why can’t he ever be slipped something that makes him a good guest?”
Howard laughed that since he’s now married and Sam Simon’s got a serious girlfriend, Ralph has few celebrity friends left to bother. Artie thought this might be a big problem for Ralph, as nothing was more important to him than leeching off his celebrity friends. Howard said Ralph had actually picked up a new celeb pal to make up the difference:

PREPARE FOR THE CRAPTACULAR’S RETURN Howard got Joey Boots and High Pitch Erik on the phone to discuss tomorrow’s Craptacular. Both complained that they needed money to load up on food, so Howard told them that he was more interested in the average amount of shit they make – not the maximum. Artie asked Joey when he’d last had gay sex, and Joey confessed that he got oral from a guy he met on the Internet three weeks ago.
Gary then asked High Pitch if he was going to take part in an upcoming promotion called The Wheel of Panic which involved doing things with dead fish for $5,000, but he refused: “I just want to get the Craptacular over…I have a fear of fish and I don’t want to do it.” When Howard asked Eric where he thought his fish problem came from, Eric answered, “The ocean.” Later in the show, Gary said he got an email from Eric saying he might be interested in doing the bit for $10,000 or $20,000.
JEFF THE VOMIT GUY IS SCARYJeff “The Vomit Guy” Levy called in to promote the haunted house that had hired him for the season and laughed that Jeff was the perfect guy for the “haunt” biz: “Jeff’s as scary as they come.”
Jeff said he was last vomited on by a Puerto Rican prostitute named Gina about 6 months ago: “It cost me about 85 dollars…she came cheap because she was kind of on the heavyset side and needed as much business as possible.” Jeff then set the scene, saying he lied down in the bathtub and masturbated with the whore’s puke.LT LAYS CLAIM TO HIS NAMEFormer NY Giant Lawrence “LT” Taylor stopped by to promote the video game he’s involved with, “Blitz: The League 2,” and Howard asked him to list some of the dumbest gigs he gets offered. LT joked that it was “marring people.” Artie told a story about meeting LT years ago: “He said, ‘Where can I go f’ some bitches?’ We ran out of there.
We thought he would take us to the bitches.” Howard asked LT when he last spoke to OJ, and LT said “Before the trial,” adding that if he were in OJ’s position, he’d have done the same thing: “I’d go get my shit back…[I told him] ‘I’ll see you when you get back’ [from jail].”
Artie wondered what LT thought of LaDainian Tomlinson who plays for the San Diego Chargers and is also called LT, but LT just laughed: “When I hear it on the TV, I’m like, ‘Wow. Am I doing something?’” Artie suggested the call LaDainian “Baby LT” or “BLT.”

LT’S SAFE SCHEDULE

Howard asked how much a handjob cost at his favorite strip club, and LT laughed: “I heard they were about 75 dollars…I heard that in the back, you gotta pay. But I don’t go in the back.”

LT explained that his schedule didn’t allow him any time to stray: “It’s better now that I do what I want and the stress of going out there [and messing around is gone]. I got what I need.” The crew then wondered if LT would ever want to be a coach, but his response was quick: “I would rather watch two chickens f’ than coach football.”

Howard played a few of the contestants for the “I Want To Be Howard Stern” contest, including submissions from A.J. Benza and Brian Dunkelman, Ham Hands Bill (Howard, after hearing just the intro: “Alright, he wins.” Artie agreed: “It’s not even fair.”), Goody Dickman (the “chorizo” Robin song parody guy), Timothy Judd (”The Angry Fan”), Dante (a former intern), Carlos Navarro and Marianne from Brooklyn.

Gerard Damiano, the guy behind “Deep Throat,” is dead.
Sarah Silverman will be on “The Jimmy Kimmel Show” tonight.
Isiah Thomas tried to pin the story of his overdose on his daughter.
The World Series was rain-delayed.
The body of Jennifer Hudson’s missing nephew has been found.
Will the Bradley Effect screw up the election? Kevin Costner
is stumping for Obama. Obama
is still leading in the polls. Ted Stevens
is corrupt.

Artie acted out his favorite scene from “The Blues Brothers.”
Howard did a Maya Angelou impression.
Howard played a clip of Hayden Panettiere refusing to talk about her boyfriend, Milo Ventimiglia, on “The Ellen Degeneres Show.”
Artie called Eli Manning a “pussy.”
Ralph said McG made bad movies.
Howard referenced the idiotic skinhead plot to kill Barack Obama and a bunch of school kids.
Howard said his home was controlled with a Creston device.
Tuesday’s Show