Mike bocchetti on mike bocchetti – The Howard Stern ShowTuesday,  September 30, 2008MIKE BOCCHETTI ON MIKE BOCCHETTI The Howard Stern Show for September 30, 2008ROBIN’S HEALTHY FLUHoward started the show noting that Robin’s voice sounded odd, so she confessed she’d contracted “a little bit of the flu.” Howard laughed that Robin’s previous claim that she only got sick with “healthy colds.” Robin denied ever making such a statement and blamed her illness on the environment: “Don’t we breathe this air? Don’t we live in this electro-magnetic world?” Howard wondered if Robin just needed a coffee enema, but Robin said that couldn’t be it: “I just had a colonic yesterday.” Howard then speculated that she was just working out the last of Jim Florentine’s toxins. Fred-as-Jim agreed.RONNIE REQUESTS “A TRACTION” Ronnie came in to complain about one of the headlines from yesterday’s Rundown: “Ronnie Ruins Howard’s Bachelor Party.” Howard agreed and asked the Webmaster to change the headline to “Unwanted Guest Gives Horrible Speech At Howard’s Birthday Party.” Ronnie, unsatisfied with the edit, threatened to stay home from Howard’s wedding. The play backfired, though, as Howard liked the idea and – as if to explain why – played a clip of Ronnie screaming “Let’s f’ some whores!” at Bubba the Love Sponge’s wedding.JD TRANSCRIBED & CUFFEDFrequent caller Wolfie read his transcription of JD talking about his high school reunion on the Wrap-Up Show: “Yeah, I mean, no. Oh, well, no – I didn’t. Uh, listen, uh, the people I like was fewer than the people I don’t like – er whatever. I don’t know.” The caller’s other transcript was even more typical: “Um, I have-I doh-I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not sure.” [ed. - The punctuation here is generous and added only for readability.]

Gary came in to note that the TV show “24” wants to sponsor a bit where JD is handcuffed to Jared for 24 hours. JD came in to say he didn’t want to be chained to anyone for 24 hours – not even for a $2400 prize. Howard told JD he’d probably meet some cute girls, but JD didn’t care, “I would be the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been in my entire life.” JD waffled a little and eventually agreed after Howard amended the rules and prize package: $100 for every hour he could last.RICHARD SICKENS ENTIRE THEME PARKRichard Christy came in to tell the crew about his trip this past weekend to Universal Studios in Florida for the park’s Halloween celebration. Richard said he was so sick during the whole time he was at the park, he vomited hourly and had to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Howard couldn’t understand why Richard would spread his germs over an entire theme park, so Richard explained: “Cause it’s my favorite thing ever. I think I made myself sick because I was so scared of getting sick.”

A caller asked Lisa G to describe her lingerie, so Lisa claimed: “I’m not dating anyone, so it’s not really sexy. It’s cute…I would have to go buy new stuff.” Howard asked what Lisa slept in, and she described some pajamas with reindeers on them. Howard wondered if Lisa ever had lingerie at all, and she surprised him: “Of course! I had the stash. I like doing that kind of stuff. It’s an important part of a relationship.”

Lisa G reported that JD’s high school drama teacher thought JD was a natural actor and, when he starred in his school’s production of “Get Smart,” was better than both Don Adams and Steve Carrell in the role. Gary brought in the (18-page) stage version of the “Get Smart” script and the gang each took a role and acted it out. Howard complained that JD was distracted by Fred’s sound effects and his acting ability was lacking: “You’re horrible. Maybe in high school you were better. Maybe your acting has deteriorated…[You] must have gone to ’special’ school.”

ERIC THE HOT WATER BOTTLEEric the Midget called in to repeat his request that Howard not commission an Eric the Midget Real Doll, but Howard didn’t care: “I’m doing it anyway.” Howard quoted Jimmy Kimmel’s idea that the Real Doll almost wasn’t necessary: “He said, ‘You could just take a hot water bottle and put a pair of glasses and an A’s hat on it and f’ that.’” Gary came in to say he planned on getting every girl Eric has claimed to admire to come in and violate the doll with a strap-on. Eric then threatened to trademark the name Eric the Midget so Howard couldn’t use it anymore, but Howard laughed that the little guy might be too late.MIKE BOCCHETTI IS NOT RETARDED

Comedian, Mike Bocchetti stopped by to promote his new documentary, “Who’s Mike Bocchetti?” Howard asked if Mike was mentally impaired, but he claimed he just always hated school because he was picked on all the time: “I barely got out of high school.” Mike added that he tried to join the Marines, but they nicknamed him “Space Cookie” and kicked him out of basic training after less than a week: “The minute I got off the bus, it was sheer hell. They were in my face screaming, ‘We’re gonna play more games with you than Milton Bradley.’” Howard asked Mike when he last got laid, so Mike admitted it’s been over three years: “I just never found the right woman. I’m very picky. I like young chicks.” Mike said he lived in his mom’s basement, which complicated most sexual situations – the last woman he was with was a prostitute. Mike explained that he masturbates in the basement instead – sometimes three times a day – but he always has to make sure his mom isn’t home before he does the deed.

Steve “The Intern” Brandano came in to tell the crew about meeting Howard’s daughter: “I tried to hit on her a little bit.” Howard told Steve that she had a boyfriend, but if she moved on, he’d like her to date Steve: “I wouldn’t mind if you were my son in law.” Steve then told the crew that, like JD, he also had a problem with Jared: “He’ll come into the back office and say, ‘I went to my doctor today and you know what he told me? How great my abs are.’”

Robin confessed that she’d been out on a date with Mark, the guy who recently came in to ask her out. Ralph called in to say he caught Robin texting Mark the other day, and Robin eventually admitted the story was true: “He’s the hottest guy I’ve ever texted.”

The crew had a lot of difficulty getting more details out of Robin, and she carefully sidestepped names, pronouns and slip-ups that might give anything else away.

IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWS A father killed a sex offender who broke into his 17-year-old daughter’s room.
Sarah Palin is now a maize maze.
DJ AM now takes the bus.

There was another stampede in India.
Lance “totally queer” Bass kissed a girl on “Dancing with the Stars,” no word yet on whether he liked it.

The Large Hadron Collider might send us into a black hole.
Don’t surf in Volusia County, Florida. Meg Ryan won’t shut up about Dennis Quaid. Bruce Springsteen will play the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman might be back together.
There may be a Britney Spears sex tape. Robert Plant won’t be touring with Led Zeppelin any time soon.
Former schoolteacher Kelsey Peterson transported a minor to Mexico so they could have sex.
There’s still one MLB playoff spot left. Sarah Palin is being prepped for the Vice-Presidential debate at the McCain ranch. Good luck with that.
The financial bailout plan was defeated in the House of Representatives. Barney Frank is awesome.
Howard said Sal still wasn’t invited to his wedding.
Mike Bocchetti did an impression of Joe Pesci.
Mike said he was a big fan of Balloon Blast.
Howard noted that Sarah Palin is witchcraft-proof.
Richard explained the difference between the two versions of Twisted Sister’s, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.”
Howard read an Onion article about Twisted Sister.
Artie said he loved Metallica’s cover of Bob Seger’s “Turn the Page.”
Howard discussed the difference between Louboutin and Louis Vuitton.
A caller asked Howard if he thought Anne Hathaway had a hairy bush.
Tuesday’s Show