sternbuzz.com » Monday, December 15, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

Date posted: December 15, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008HOLIDAY CASH FOR WENDY The Howard Stern Show for December 15, 2008RIDING SHOTGUN IN MICKEY ROURKE’S OFFICEHoward started off the show telling a story about Mickey Rourke, who at one point was operating out of an “office” that was really a car parked in front of Giuseppe Franco’s salon in LA. One morning Mickey cold-called Howard from the “office” to offer him a part in “some movie” about 4 guys from Long Island who hang out in a diner.
When Howard said he wasn’t sure about the idea, Mickey handed the phone over to the project’s director on the phone – who was sitting in the passenger seat – but not before he yelled all kinds of obscenities at the guy.

BENJY’S HUNGER STRIKE TAKES A TOMATO BREAK

A caller asked Benjy if he was still on his hunger strike until Bubba the Love Sponge signs a new contract with Sirius. Benjy said he had nothing but water for 48 hours but had a tomato yesterday: “I had a vision of Bubba and he said it was ok for me to eat a tomato.” Benjy then stripped down (despite everyone’s protests) and stepped on the scale – revealing that he’d lost 14lbs (236lbs) since starting the strike last Wednesday. Howard thanked the caller for reminding the show about Benjy’s fast: “He would just wither away and I’d never notice.”

TRACEY RETURNS, TAKES NAMES

Howard played a clip from Thursday’s Wrap-Up Show in which Tracey, Howard’s office manager, returned to the airwaves. In the clip, Tracey took down a caller with the same eviscerating language that she used to destroy Steve Grillo: “Shut your d’- licker. F’ you.” Artie loved it: “Honestly, she’s the best.” Howard agreed: “She doesn’t take anything from anyone…why should she?”

REPORTS OF HOWARD’S DEPARTURE ARE PREMATURE

Howard was puzzled by widespread reports that he was leaving Sirius when his contract ends in two years, explaining that his statements about retiring were taken out of context. Howard said he still wasn’t sure what he would do when his contract ran out: “I gotta watch what I say…what I was saying was that this has been the most wonderful opportunity in my career…this is the best place to be creative and to be fun.”

WENDY THE RETARD NEEDS SOME CASH

Wendy the Retard called in to wish everyone a happy holiday…and to ask for money. Robin and Howard asked what happened to the deal they made last time (the show gave Wendy some money under the condition she never call back to beg for more), so Wendy coughed that she wanted to renegotiate.

Howard asked if Wendy was coughing/sick because she was overweight, and Wendy admitted that the theory was probably true, as she’s up to 230lbs. Howard told Wendy that she should grow taller instead of fatter, but Wendy didn’t think that was a possibility: “Because I came out a little retarded.” Howard then promised Wendy $500 if she could answer a few questions correctly:

What is math? Wendy: “Math is where you add, subtract, take away and divide.”

What is 8 plus 7? Wendy: “20.” {Howard laughed that he’d give it to her anyway because she was within five.}

What do you do if there’s a fire in a movie theater? Wendy: “You should go to the fire exit.”

What’s wrong with the Jews? Wendy: “They need to spend more time with Chinese people…[and] they don’t have more common sense than other people.”

Why does everyone hate the Jews? Wendy: “Because people do not get along with them…because the Jews hate everybody and the Jews hate everyone that they don’t like.”

How can you tell if a person is a Jew? Wendy: “They tap your shoulder when they introduce themselves to you.”

Are a Jew’s horns 2, 3 or 5 inches tall? Wendy: “3 inches?” (When asked how she knew the answer, Wendy explained that she’d never seen a Jew’s horns herself, she just knew the answer from a test she took before graduating high school.)

Why would a white woman sleep with a black man? Wendy: “Because they love the black person.”

What do you get when you mate a black person with a horse? Wendy: “A donkey?”

Why are black people scared of water? Wendy: “Because it’s deep.”

What do you get when you mate a donkey with a Jew? Wendy: “A horse?”

What do you get when you mate a Jew and a black person? Wendy: “A donkey?”

Howard congratulated Wendy on answering all the questions correctly and awarded her $500. Wendy said she planned to use the money to buy her mom a deep fryer.

A BRAVE MAN VISITS THE STUDIOHoward talked with Anthony, a Pennsylvania National Guard Veteran and his brother John who were visiting the studio, about the tours he served in Afghanistan and Iraq. Anthony said he’d been stationed near the Eastern border by Pakistan and laughed that he hadn’t expected to be shipped off to war when he signed up for The National Guard. He also complained that the worst part was the government’s strict (Middle Eastern) combat zone rules: “You couldn’t even have a Playboy magazine.” THIS WILL GIVE YOU DOUCHE CHILLS

High Pitch Erik called in to say he was being jerked off by a girl named Angel. Howard demanded to speak with Angel, so she grabbed the phone and laughed that she had to let go of Erik’s “appendage” to talk. Later, Erik said Angel had jerked him off a few times last night as well: “It was the best feeling ever.” Erik claimed that Angel looked like Molly Ringwald, so Howard demanded to see her: “Bring her down here tomorrow.”

While High Pitch was on the line, Shuli came in to tell a story about Double A, Beetlejuice and High Pitch Erik partying the other night. Double A called up an escort to come over, and when she saw who she’d be servicing, she demanded triple her usual fee. After some haggling, Double A got her back to $500 (to do all three of them) and took the first crack at her. Beetlejuice went next and reportedly finished in two minutes. High Pitch tried to bat clean-up, but the hooker refused him, saying he was too hairy. Erik admitted that the story was true: “I’m no Beetlejuice. I’m High Pitch.”