Monday,  January 26, 2009LISA KNOWS RACE The Howard Stern Show for January 26, 2009THE N-WORD IS A PHONE SEX FAVORITE

Howard took a call from a guy who owned a stake in a few phone sex 900 numbers. The caller said Sal and Richard’s clip-assisted prank calls (ie: Tracy Morgan and Hateman) were quite accurate – the people who call phone sex lines love to use the n-word: “Black guys like to be called the n-word by white women and white guys like to say it to black women.” Artie joked that he was different: “I like to call white women the n-word.”
Howard asked the caller how much money was in 900 numbers, so the guy explained that there was a little – but he and his family (who own them together) didn’t talk about the income they made from the sex lines with friends and worked other jobs to make ends meet. The caller added that black girls were his big money makers, as they’re popular with desperate white guys.

$5 TO TALK, $2 TO LISTEN

The caller said his 900 numbers charged anywhere from $1.99 to $4.99 a minute, so Robin asked what the difference was. The guy laughed that you get pretty much the same thing for $1.99 that you get for $4.99: “The biggest overhead is paying the girls.” Sal came in to note that a call he made using Tracy Morgan-clips cost $65: “We charged it to Tim Sabean’s credit card.”
Howard asked the caller what the 900 number operators were like in real life, so the guy said they were anyone from college students to office secretaries trying to make an extra dime. The caller also revealed something kind of shocking: his cheapest service charges dudes to listen to other people’s conversations. Howard wondered if the callers knew they were being listened to, and the guy laughed: “Well, the girls do.”

A caller named Vince wanted to play a game, so Howard obliged, offering Vince the chance to play The Britney Stevens Game. Howard then read five questions and explained that Vince would win by correctly guessing how Britney answered them – either correctly or incorrectly.

Name the politician who lost to Obama. After some debate, Vince went out on a limb and said Britney would know it. To everyone else’s surprise, she did: “John McCain.”

SAL’S FILTER FAILURE

Gary reported that Sal recently said some pretty shocking things to celebrity chef Bobby Flay. Sal came in to tell how he was showing Bobby and his wife around the office and told him his Burger Palace burgers were “like having a “woman’s thing” in your mouth.” Sal explained that he felt he was filtering himself to not be crude in front Bobby’s wife – as he would have normally used the word “pussy” instead. Howard thought Sal was insane, and Artie agreed: “That’s the creepiest thing ever.” Sal admitted that Bobby’s wife (Law & Order star Stephanie March) overheard the comment and was quite offended.LISA LAMPANELLI

Lisa Lampanelli stopped by to promote her new HBO special, “Long Live the Queen,” and sarcastically said she was jealous that Sal once called a black audience member “King Kong,” because: “If I were funny, I’d have thought of that.” Howard asked about an invite Lisa sent him last week, so Lisa explained it was a viewing party for her special at the Friar’s Club: “It’s a thing where you go, wow, I have to invite people.”

Howard asked how Lisa felt about co-hosting Lisa G’s cookie party, so Lisa laughed: “Lisa [G] really knows how to party like it’s 1949.” Lisa added that when she and Lisa G go out to dinner together, she has too pull teeth to get Lisa G’s share of the tip: “I’m famous, Lisa, I have to leave 25 percent!” Lisa added that she was now dating again, but she refuses to date Asian dudes: “I like men like I like my coffee, not my urine.”

Jason Kaplan

Monday’s Show