Never forget the sheik – The Howard Stern ShowMonday,  September 29, 2008NEVER FORGET THE SHEIK The Howard Stern Show for September 29, 2008PAGING DR. SARANO

Howard started the show revealing that his wedding date was sometime in the next month and saying the pressure was starting to wear on him – and his back, which he tweaked while running yesterday. Howard explained that a lot of back pain is psychosomatic, so the injury must be a result of stress over his upcoming nuptials…he even went so far as to put a call in to his back pain guru, Dr. John Sarno.

When Howard expressed his concerns to Beth, she took it to mean that he didn’t want to get married, which Howard explained couldn’t be further from the truth.

ARTIE’S ANGEL HANGS IN MIDTOWN

Howard asked why he missed Norm MacDonald’s set at Caroline’s on Saturday, so Artie explained that he was “stuck in Jersey…with a broad.” Howard laughed that even he went, and, because he entered in through the back of the club, he didn’t get a chance to survey the crowd until Norm was onstage. To Howard’s surprise, the only hot chick who caught his eye was Artie’s sister: “Why doesn’t she have a boyfriend?” Artie replied that she spent so much time being the “angel on his shoulder,” she probably didn’t have time for a serious relationship.

ERIC THE MIDGET IS AN ENTREPRENEUR

Eric the Midget called in to say he was really annoyed by the idea of having a real doll modeled after him. Howard insisted the idea was brilliant: “It’s just too great for the show not to do it.” Eric yelled that the idea was gay. Johnny Fratto called in to say that he’s already getting requests from promoters who want the Eric the Midget Real Doll to appear at their events instead of Eric himself: “It would be easier.” Eric still refused to give his consent, but Howard told him it wasn’t his decision: “All we need is a picture.”

While they were talking pictures, Howard and Artie took issue with a photo Eric was selling on his Website, as the 8×10 features the little guy’s meeting with Artie – which Artie never consented to the photo’s sale. Eric explained that he’ll sells the signed photo for $17.95, with the contention that you could take the picture to one of Artie’s shows and have him sign it as well. Artie asked Eric to stop selling the photo, but Eric refused: “Stop f’ing with my business!”

Howard noted that he enjoyed his bachelor party last Thursday but didn’t go on to Rick’s Cabaret with the rest of the guys: “I was in bed by 10:30.” Artie complained that Ronnie the Limo Driver’s drunken behavior nearly ruined the party, and Howard agreed: “Ronnie gets up and goes ‘F’ man, why you getting married, man? Why do things have to change?’” In response, Ronnie instructed Howard to never invite him to anything again, and Howard shot back that it was a bachelor party – he didn’t invite him.

BEWARE THE IRON SHEIK

The Iron Sheik stopped by to promote his return to the Killers of Comedy line-up and told the crew that rumors about his recent behavior were untrue: “That jabroni Beetlejuice has a big mouth!” Sheik went on to complain about sharing a room with Beet when the comedy crew’s on tour: “It was insult!” Howard asked if he knew that Beetle was at least partially retarded, but the Sheik claimed not to have known this. Howard then noted that Sheik recently got kicked out of a bar after the bartender claimed she didn’t know who he was, so he let lose with some of his favorite insults. Sheik claimed it was all the bartender’s fault: “She make me very mad.”

The Sheik confessed that his wife of 35 years left him three months ago because he was poor: “She’s a no-good golddigger!” Howard said he’d heard she left the Sheik due to his alcohol and drug use, but the Sheik claimed he’d changed his ways: “No more hard. No more coke.” The Sheik’s manager came in to confirm the account: “I watch him on the road. It’s a full-time job.”

“I AM LEGEND! YOU ARE FAT PIECE OF SHIT!”Sheik then told several antagonistic callers that he was going to f’ them in the ass, but when Howard asked if the Sheik had ever followed through with the threat, the Sheik admitted that it was “against his Shiite religion.” A fake Macho Man Randy Savage called in and, as usual, the Sheik called him a “cheap Jew son of a bitch.” Artie then called in as “King Kong Bundy” to tell the Sheik he was gay, so the Sheik replied, “I am a legend! You are fat piece of shit!”

Howard noted that whenever he tries to dig into his family history, his parents always end up telling him shockingly depressing stories. Howard impersonated his parents voices to list a few of the scariest details and got a few mixed up, as Howard’s dad called in to ask, “If you ever do a biography of my life, don’t do it…I did not work at the Panama Canal and get yellow fever…It was scarlet fever.” Howard replied that he was happy to hear from his dad only because he’d made a mistake.