Norm returns – The Howard Stern ShowThursday,  September 25, 2008NORM RETURNS The Howard Stern Show for September 25, 2008TALL PEOPLE SEX Howard started the show talking with a caller who wondered if Howard brought Beth to orgasm every time they had sex. Howard confessed that he didn’t always manage to succeed, but he consistently “delivered” between 92 and 95 percent of the time. Howard said he failed the other night because Beth got him in the one position he can’t resist: “Once I’m in that position, I’m done…I turn the woman over on her side…I’m up on my knees…and then I bang [her] hard.” Artie thought the position over and decided he couldn’t pull it off: “That’s tall people sex.”
THE ERIC THE MIDGET REAL DOLL GOES TO COURT Howard noted that Jimmy Kimmel emailed the show to beg them to make a real doll double of Eric the Midget, causing Eric to call in to threaten Howard: “If you do it, you’re gonna face some legal problems.” Howard told Eric that he didn’t need his permission: “I’ll go to court with you over that…I’ll take the Eric the Midget real doll and fly it around with balloons.” Richard came in to say he couldn’t wait to take the doll’s “little claw-hand and wrap it around my cock.”
Artie finally brought in the package of pictures that Eric the Midget had signed for each member of the crew. Howard asked if the 8×10 of Eric had been doctored, as there were no splotches on the little guy’s face, and Eric admitted there may have been a few touch-ups. Howard then opened Eric’s other gift, a copy of Jewish Chess Masters on Stamps, and read Eric’s loving inscription. Robin complained that she couldn’t hang her picture anywhere, because Eric’s inscription calls her a witch and tells her to shove vegetables inside her.
BENJY IS A MESS Lisa G reported that the interns have to spend more time cleaning up after Benjy than any other member of the in-studio crew, so Benjy explained that he writes lines and jokes on sheets of paper and hastily tosses them aside as they’re used or new ideas come along. Howard told Benjy to toss the papers in one of the three trash bins around him, but Benjy became irritated and started shouting that Robin did the same thing. Robin replied that she didn’t throw her stories on the floor anymore (“The interns complained.”) and instead just leaves them on her desk for collection/filing.
THE NEW O.J. TRIAL IS BORING Tom Riccio, one of the key witnesses in the current O.J. Simpson robbery/assault trial, called in to talk about the “brawl” that happened in the courtroom yesterday. Before he could get into the details, Howard cut him off saying he didn’t care about the new O.J. trial and was bored by pretty much everything about it: “No offense…my eyes start to roll to the back of my head. What can I say?”
A MOMENT WITH FRED A caller asked for a moment with Fred, and Fred used his time to recommend “Pan’s Labyrinth.” Fred said the film’s ending was a little depressing, “but it’s such strong story. I was trying to explain it to Artie and I couldn’t even explain it properly. Just watch it and enjoy it and be amazed.” Howard said Fred’s recommendation had inspired him to suffer through the film’s subtitles: “I’ll watch it this weekend.”

Artie confessed that he recently broke down and cried during a therapy session about “A bunch of stuff…I don’t know. Dana, gambling, heroin stuff.” Artie added that he was really down lately: “What’s going to get better in my life?…I’m slowly withdrawing…I’m not even into the Yankees anymore.” Fred suggested that Artie bring Jared (instead of JD) on the road with him to encourage more physical activity.

Norm MacDonald stopped by to promote his three-night stand at Caroline’s in New York and Howard immediately asked him what the hell he was doing these days: “Did you retire?” Norm said he was just doing stand-up like he always has: “I just do stand-up, right? And then sometimes they offer me stuff that I’m no good at and I do that. Then I go back to stand-up.” Norm added that he stays out of the big-time comedian social circle: “I don’t want to seem like I want something. I don’t care if I ever do another movie.”

DON’T TREAT THIS MAN

Howard asked if Norm was still a big gambler and poker player, but Norm said he wasn’t really anymore. Howard speculated that Norm had gone to therapy to deal with his gambling problem, but Norm denied it: “I’m not you. I don’t do that shit.” Norm claimed he’d seen a therapist when he was a seventeen and the guy killed himself a week later. Howard tried to pry more, but Norm struck back: “You go three times a week. I see a guy once when I’m seventeen and I’m f’ed up?”
Howard played a clip from The Adam Carolla Show of Norm blaming the Stern Show for’s drug problems, so Norm explained that he didn’t think Howard or anyone else on the crew was at fault, he just feels weird about Artie’s problems being fodder for the show. Artie said his problems, when viewed in retrospect, have their own arc within the context of the show and “eventually became interesting,” so they’re fair game.

Ralph called in to tell a story about having dinner with Norm and a few others and Norm reaching over to put his hand on Ralph’s thigh. Ralph didn’t say anything so Norm left his hand there for several minutes before finally announcing that “Ralph’s really gay! I’ve had my hand on his leg for five minutes and he hasn’t moved it or said anything.” Norm laughed that the move was just his way of testing a guy’s sexuality, but Ralph claimed he wasn’t gay, although he wasn’t really sure why he put up with it either: “I don’t know. I thought it was funny!”

MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAME Howard got Mike Walker from The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:

IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWSVint Cerf, father of the Internet, says we’re running out of Internet (IP) addresses.
Jon Stewart reaches 2 million people every night.
A daredevil claims he’ll attempt to fly over the English Channel with a jetpack.
Some kid spiked his teacher’s water with poison.
Alicia Lane is litigious.

All of Hef’s girlfriends are moving on.
Barry Bonds will stand trial on perjury charges.
Lance Armstrong is training for his eighth Tour de France.
Bono is in town to campaign for the Clinton Global Initiative. Bush addressed Americans last night about the economy.
Obama says the debate is on.
David Blaine is no longer boring on-lookers in Central Park.
Richard Gere is starring in “Nights in Rodanthe.” Norm MacDonald surprised the crew by revealing that he was pro-life advocate.
Fred recommended the film, “Pan’s Labyrinth.”
Norm noted that he was going to appear on Pete Dominick’s Comedy By Request at 12pm ET today on Raw Dog 104.
Howard noted that Chris Coolie of the Washington Redskins accidentally posted a photo of his penis on the internet.
Howard read a story about the teacher who showed his students pornography.
The gang thought John McCain was stupid for lying to David Letterman.
Howard read a story about the arrest of a Long Island millionaire who allegedly murdered Dee Snyder’s brother-in-law.
Sal said Gary was an “ignorant dope”: “I don’t talk like [a racist] around my kids, asshole.”
Howard laughed that the president of Pakistan was turned on by Sarah Palin.
Thursday’s Show

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website