Pam on the loose – The Howard Stern ShowThursday,  July 31, 2008PAM ON THE LOOSE The Howard Stern Show for July 31, 2008IS ROBIN UNCLEAN?Howard started off the show noting that Robin’s new hairdo had lasted yet another day and wondered how she did it herself. Robin explained that it was the same style she was wearing yesterday: “Black people don’t wash their hair every day.” Artie was shocked: “You mean my uncle was right when he said you people don’t wash?” Robin explained that black people don’t have oily hair like white people – and even offered to let Howard inspect her scalp to see for himself. Howard passed.YOU CAN’T REPLACE MISS HOWARD STERNAndrea, Miss Howard Stern, called in to say she was upset by Gary’s claim that the show was thinking about finding a new Miss Howard Stern when the show goes to Vegas. Gary explained that he was just joking around on the Wrap-Up Show, so Howard admonished him: “Gary, you’re playing around with someone’s life.” Howard then promised Andrea that the next time the show goes to Vegas, they’d choose a new Gary instead.UNCLE LUKE SETTLES DOWNLuther “Uncle Luke” Campbell stopped by to promote his new reality show, “Luke’s Parental Advisory,” and Howard asked if the reality show would’ve been better if it documented his 2 Live Crew years. Luke said his show was a little more family oriented than the videos he shot back then – plus, he now only talks with one former member of the Crew. Luke then noted that he got married last week, as he finally found a special lady: “I just wanted to be friends with [the other girls]…they all wanted to be Mrs. Luther Campbell, but they didn’t cut it.”

Luke said his 14-year-old son has a 15-year-old girlfriend – who has a child of her own (by someone else): “I told him, ‘That means she was having sex at 13.’ I told him to break up with her.” Robin asked Luke how many children he had, and Luke laughed, “Four. I only claim four. Technically, five…one of them, I never knew her.” Luke explained that he was never good with women (“you know, relationships”) because he only dated gold-diggers.HOW TO SPOT A HOWith one eye on Robin, Howard asked Luke how often he washed his hair, but Luke was on Robin’s side: “About twice a week.” Luke then described the time he had sex with four women at once, noting that all four were black women: “[Asian women] just lie there in bed.” Luke also told the crew how to spot a STD-ridden ho: “If the house is dirty, the pussy’s dirty. If the car’s dirty, the pussy’s dirty…but it’s not foolproof. There was one girl from Long Island, and her buttcheeks smelled…I said, ‘Put your hand down there!’ Most girls need to taste [their own] s—t.” THE HULKSTER COMES OUT SWINGINGHulk Hogan stopped by and immediately shot back at the claims Jesse Ventura made on the show earlier this week: “Ask him about Plato’s Retreat and all the wife-swapping. Ask him about taking pills and pissing his pants.” Howard told Hulk that he could see how miserable he was at Bubba the Love Sponge’s wedding, and Hulk admitted he knew he was having marriage issues even before the “Hogan Knows Best” reality show started shooting.

Hulk told the crew that his daughter Brooke had been approached by Playboy, and while it doesn’t jibe with his “redneck mentality,” he didn’t think it was necessarily a bad idea: “[But] right now, it’s not the right time.” Howard said he was getting married soon, so Hogan replied, “Brother, we have to talk.” Howard changed the subject instead and asked how Hulk felt about Linda’s new 19-year-old boyfriend. Hulk said he was cool with it – but it’s been real hard on the kids.

The Iron Sheik called in to yell at Hulk, but Hogan thought the Sheik only sounded bitter on the

phone, “And then in real life he kisses and hugs you. He’s just working the gimmick.” The Sheik claimed he was going to forgive Hulk, so Hulk said, “Thanks, I love

you.” The Sheik replied, “I love you, too.” Hulk then told the crew about his new project: “Celebrity

Championship Wrestling” – starring Dennis Rodman, Danny Bonaduce, Todd Bridges, Dustin Diamond, Butterbean, Tiffany (80s pop star), Nikki Ziering, Trishelle (from “The Real World”), Frank Stallone (in drag!) and bunch of other “celebrities.”

PAM ANDERSON’S STILL GOT ITPamela Anderson stopped by to promote her new reality show, “Pam: Girl on the Loose,” and Howard thanked her for wearing such a hot outfit. Pamela said she was holding up pretty well for a 41-year-old chick, but now “I’m hot-ish. I’m just cool now…I’m funny! I’m hysterical!” Howard didn’t seem to agree: “You’re a sex symbol.” Pam told Howard to be careful about what he said, since her son was in the green-room. Not that it mattered – she recently had to tell her sons about the existence of her sex tape with Tommy Lee.
Howard wondered why Pam never hooked up with him, so Pam claimed, “You get up too early.” Howard also tried to get to the bottom of Pam’s bank account, but she refused to cooperate: “I’ll never tell you. You know why? You can never make more money than your man. And I want to play the role of the little girl.” Howard then asked who Pam would be most likely to have sex with again – Kid Rock or Tommy Lee – but she refused to play that game either.STAFF KARAOKE IS RETURNINGHoward announced that Staind would be coming in soon to be the backing band for Staffer Karaoke, and the song choices were hilarious: Jason will perform Aerosmith’s “What It Takes,” Ronnie will try his hand at Cher’s “If I

Could Turn Back Time,” JD will warble through The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” Tim Sabean’s set to croon “Folsom Prison Blues” and Scott Salem will hack up a version of Crosby Stills & Nash’s “Ohio.”MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAMEHoward got Mike Walker from The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:

1. Jimmy Kimmel’s “bromance” with Adam Sandler is the real reason for the breakup of his relationship with Sarah Silverman.

2. Mariah Carey is hooked on a bizarre pedicure treatment: she dips her feet in a bath filled with hungry little fish that nibble away the dead skin cells.

3. Miley Cyrus was confronted by a crazed demo-wielding fan on the set of “Hannah Montana.”

4. Robin Williams isn’t fighting his wife’s divorce in order to avoid a trashy public battle.

After Robin took herself out of the competition (she’d already read Mike’s column), Howard said he thought Robin Williams story was false. Artie doubted that Jimmy Kimmel was friends with Sandler, but Fred was suspicious of Mariah’s crazy foot treatments. Mike then announced that Fred had won yet again.

Steve Langford reported that Eric the Midget was furious about internal leaks from within the JFSC and constantly complains about them to Johnny Fratto. The miserable midget then called in to yell at Langford – but wouldn’t deny the story. Fred told Eric to watch Fratto, as he could be the leak in

the organization, but Eric didn’t want to hear it. Instead, he asked if he could co-host a wrestling show with Hulk Hogan on Howard101, but Howard was skeptical: “I’ll ask, but I can’t see why Hulk Hogan would want you as his co-host.”

Sherri Shepherd of “The View” had several abortions before finding god.
Ed McMahon is being sued.
Cheech and Chong have reunited.
Jaime Chicas died after a fishing lure got lodged in his brain.

Some kid turned in his forgery-happy mom.

The Olympics are coming.

Researchers have found the oldest joke.
Obama is laughing off McCain’s attacks.
Dunkin Donuts is introducing a healthy menu.
“Step-Brothers” is in theaters.

The story of Matthew Broderick’s affair didn’t sell any copies of Star magazine.
Shia Lebeouf’s DUI is costing the “Tranformers 2” production millions.Howard played a clip from The Scott Ferrall Show of Scott telling Ron Artest that he’d just been traded.

Howard complained about Exxon’s crazy quarterly earnings.

Pam Anderson denied having sex with Criss Angel.

Hulk Hogan confessed that he was a “Secret” convert.

Luther said he met his wife at Jerry’s Deli in South Beach.

Twenty minutes into the show, Howard laughed that Artie was already falling asleep and wondered if he wanted to try starting his day with a nap.

Robin noted the “Justice League” cartoon featuring the Martian Manhunter.

Howard explained Thor’s origin story.

A caller asked Howard what he thought of “chess-boxing,” and Howard said it sounded stupid: “That’s absurd…I don’t care.”Thursday’s Show