Sharon & ozzy are back – The Howard Stern Show

Date posted: April 2, 2009

Monday, March 30, 2009

SHARON & OZZY ARE BACK The Howard Stern Show for March 30, 2009

SAL IS SICK AGAIN

Early in the the show Gary read a text message Sal sent him yesterday: “Sick as a dog. Think it’s the flu. Left you office voicemail [cough].” Howard speculated that Sal has been out sick even more than Artie, and Gary agreed, as Sal averaged at least one late-day per month. Gary said Sal frequently blames his tardiness on LIRR delays, so Howard demanded that someone now check with the LIRR reports to see if Sal’s trains really have trouble. Howard joked that (given her recent shoveling out of Sal’s car so he could go to work) Sal’s wife, Christine, must be in their basement frantically trying to discover a cure for whatever Sal is suffering from.

THE MYSTERIOUS TECHNO BEAVER

Howard laughed at the “Gadget Gary” moniker Gary uses for his column in Sound & Vision magazine, which has now expanded to regular TV appearances on a local TV news show (the WB11). Gary came in to say that the magazine chose the title, but Howard thought they could’ve made a more popular move by focusing on Gary’s teeth: “How about ‘Techno Beaver’?” Plans for a beaver costume and mysterious identity were also thrown around, but before the end of the show, HowardTV’s Scott DePace informed the crew that someone had already snapped up the Technobeaver.com URL.

INTRODUCING SLIM SABEAN

After a break, Robin took Gary to task for asking Tim Sabean about the end of his 21-day detox: “Why are you making such a big deal out of the first solid meal? It’s no big deal…Why are you harassing a man who’s trying to maintain good health?” Howard couldn’t figure out why Robin thought the question counted as harassment: “He’s not treating [Tim] badly…you’re way out of line with this.”

Tim came in to say he’d lost almost 30lbs, leading Gary laugh that anyone could lose 30lbs if they didn’t eat for three weeks. Tim then planned out his first solid meal: “I’ll probably have a salad…I’m not craving anything.” Gary asked why Tim didn’t have a burger, so Tim claimed he wasn’t interested in burgers anymore: “I have more control over food now than I did before…I’ve got another 50lbs to go.”

FATTY WEIGH-IN

Howard asked Artie and Gary to step on the scale and see how far they’d let themselves go: Gary came in at 225lbs and Artie at 297.

OZZY & SHARON RELOADED

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne stopped by to promote their new TV show, “Osbournes Reloaded,” and Howard said they both looked great, adding that Ozzy’s appearance was even more impressive given all the substances he’s put in his body over the years: “You’re a walking advertisement for drug addiction.” Ozzy said he was “pickled,” and was no longer suffering from tremors – he quit taking the medication that caused them. Howard asked Sharon if she’d really had her stomach band removed, and Sharon confirmed the rumor, explaining that the band never curbed her food addiction: “It’s ish-ish under control.”

Ozzy laughed that he almost didn’t want “Osbournes Reloaded” to succeed, as it felt like a job: “I got into rock-and-roll to live the bohemian lifestyle and now I’m getting up at 5am!” Sharon said the sacrifice was worth the opportunity to do whatever they wanted on network television. Howard congratulated them on the gig anyway, noting that Fox seemed to be proud – the promos air almost constantly and “American Idol” will be their lead-in.

LOSE THE SHAKES – GET AN ERECTION

Sharon bragged that – in addition to ending his tremors – Ozzy being off prescription meds meant he didn’t need to take Viagra anymore. Ozzy said he and Sharon had sex five times a week, but his penis was nowhere near Howard’s 10″ estimate: “F’ off. If I had 10″, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” Howard also asked if Ozzy would ever mind doing “American Idol,” and Ozzy denied it: “I wouldn’t mind doing a couple of contestants.”

BEWARE SHARON’S SHIT LIST

On his children and rehab, Ozzy said: “It’s a family tradition…it’s rampant now, drug addiction.”

On the infamous shit-filled revenge boxes, Sharon laughed: “I said, ‘Well, eat this motherf’er’…you know what it is? I’m confrontational.”

After learning that Leno had blackballed the Osbournes for once appearing on “The Jimmy Kimmel Show,” Howard said: “He’s garbage and he’s a no talent nothing.” Sharon agreed

On suing Courtney Love for dragging Jack into the drug scene, Sharon said had to pass: “Because she’s sick.”