Date posted: July 24, 2008

Sleeping it off – The Howard Stern ShowThursday,  July 24, 2008SLEEPING IT OFF The Howard Stern Show for July 24, 2008RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER WANTS TO MEET GUYSHoward and Fred started off the show wondering what Ronnie the Limo Driver meant in the infamous clip in which he says “I’m about meeting girls. I’m about meeting guys…” Ronnie came in to explain himself, but before he could get anywhere, Howard noted that Ronnie was again wearing an open-collar shirt instead of his previously preferred mock turtleneck. Ronnie said he was just trying to adjust to the hot weather: “What’s wrong with you?”
Howard asked Ronnie if he knew how many t-shirts he owned with skulls on them, and Ronnie replied: “A lot…I got a t-shirt back at KROCK from [the free stuff/“glom” box] with a skull on it that said ‘Born to Kill’ and I loved it…I still have it.” Ronnie said the shirt was now too washed out to wear, so he had the shirt’s graphic tattooed on his arm. Howard then showed the crew a vintage Ronnie look from their trip to Vegas. Robin was disgusted: “Whoa!”“WHO’S SHORTER THAN RONNIE?” Howard got Ass Napkin Ed on the line to play the “Who’s Shorter than Ronnie?” game. After noting that Ronnie was 5′ 7.5”, Howard got started:

Minnie Driver. ANE correctly said taller: Minnie is 5′ 10”.

Hillary Clinton. ANE incorrectly said shorter: Hillary is 5′ 8.5”.

Mariah Carey. ANE correctly said taller: Mariah is 5′ 9”.

Katie Holmes. ANE correctly said taller: Katie is 5′ 9”.

In other words, nobody’s shorter than Ronnie.SORRY BOB, YOU’RE SCREWEDArtie told a story about getting a call from the Reverend Bob Levy: Bob claimed that if he could get Artie to appear at his comedy “club” before October, his landlord (The Ramada Inn) would keep the “club” open. Artie said he didn’t want to go to Levittown, PA for the gig, so much so that he’s considering just paying off Bob’s landlord directly. Howard then played one of Bob’s parody songs – one titled “Artie’s a Fat F’” – and Artie changed his mind immediately. DO YOU HAVE BLACK FRIENDS?Howard noted that HowardTV wanted the crew to go through their Rolodexes to see if they had any black friends listed. Artie quickly announced how he was in the clear: one of his best friends from high school is black. Howard looked through his phonebook and found two: his former housekeeper and Robin Givens.

Artie laughed that this game would be a lot more fun if they played it with Kim Kardashian, as she’s notorious for only dating black men. Howard wondered if that was a fetish, saying he used to know a Jewish girl who drove her parents crazy with her love of black men. He then went through the rest of his phonebook in search of African Americans: “Christie Brinkley, David Arquette, David Spade, Eddie Van Halen, Esthero, Jimmy Kimmel, Joe Piscopo, Linda Lopez, Mary McCormack, Meg Griffin, Rebecca Romijn…no blacks.”WILL THE STERNS HAVE BACHELOR(ETTE) PARTY/IES?Ralph called in to say Howard was being ridiculous for insisting on a “B” tattoo instead of a wedding ring. Howard didn’t care what Ralph thought: “Sometimes I think that Ralph has good taste, but then I remember that his apartment is full of crap.” Sal came in to ask if Howard was going to have a bachelor party, but Howard said no. Artie asked if Beth was having a bachelorette party, and Robin answered that she’d already asked her: “Beth didn’t want it.” SAL IS “RICKY LUNCH MAN”

Ronnie the Limo Driver reported that Sal was becoming a “lunch man” – a guy who spends his lunch hour at Rick’s Cabaret. Sal came in to explain that he just recently did a magazine interview there – and then his friends came to town and he wanted to show them the “Stern clubhouse.” And then some more friends from school. As the evidence began to stack up, Sal insisted he was only extending his tours of the studio to the next logical stop on the tour…Ricks.

While Sal was in the studio, he again made his case (yet again) for a wedding invite, but Howard repeated Beth’s wishes: hell no. Sal tried claiming that he’d never wronged Beth after they’d made up (and he’d promised not to insult her anymore) after the infamous roast-joke-that-shall-not-be-repeated. Howard was dismissive: “We’ve already proved you lied.”MEET SEAN THE STUTTERERHoward welcomed a guy named Sean to the studio to talk about his stutter, which makes him sound as if he is singing. Sean explained that he has a particularly hard time with the word “sp-spiders” and sings difficult words to the tune of Howard’s old “WnnnnnNBC” call letters to power through them. Sean said the stutter gets worse when he’s nervous, but he’s managed to start and own his own business – and has never had a problem finding girls: he’s married.

Sean told Howard about his recent vasectomy, saying the weirdest part was when the doctor Nair-d his balls: “And then there was a lot snipping and cutting and moving the balls around.” Sean described the post-procedure pain as something like getting slapped in the balls, which made Howard wince. Artie then told a story about a pregnancy scare he had, noting that he actually wanted the girl to have the baby. Howard, of course, thought Artie was crazy.KNOW YOUR SCIENTOLOGISTSHoward let Sean play the “Know Your Scientologists” game, in which Howard listed three celebrities and Sean had to pick the wacko:

Sonny Bono, Tobey Maguire or John Cusack?. “Sonny Bono?” Correct.

Charles Manson, Edward Furlong or Jake Gyllenhaal? “Edward Furlong?” Wrong – Charles Manson.

Lisa Marie Presley, Meg Ryan or Lindsay Lohan? “Meg Ryan?” Wrong – Lisa Marie.

Brendan Fraser, Patrick Swayze or Kiefer Sutherland? “Kiefer Sutherland?” Wrong – Patrick Swayze.

Juliette Lewis, Johnny Depp or Gene Hackman? “Juliette Lewis.” Correct…You Win!!MEET THE WEASLE’S FORMER ASSISTANT

Sean’s wife Laura came in to talk about their relationship, but after the gang discovered she used to be Pauly Shore’s assistant, the subject changed abruptly. Laura said Pauly used to go to the Playboy Mansion all the time but would never bring women home. Sean joked: “Now, dudes…” Howard asked why Laura left the position, so she explained that she freaked out about the devastation Y2K would bring to the world and ran for the hills. SAL’S BIKINI BOTTOMSHoward wondered if anyone on the staff wore a bikini bottom/Speedo-type bathing suit, and Artie announced that he knew Sal did, citing a picture he saw from Sal’s Italian vacation. After seeing the photo, the crew was appropriately disgusted, particularly Fred: “What the f’?! Jesus Christ!” MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAMEHoward got Mike Walker from the National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:

1. David Archuletta’s “American Idol on Tour” co-stars are complaining that he sings too loudly in his sleep.

2. Paula Abdul traded an autographed “American Idol” album for carside service at a Jamba Juice.

3. Mel Gibson called Kevin Federline to offer fatherly advice, but Kevin didn’t want to hear it: “Dude, just get me some work.”

4. Larry Flynt got in an argument with Ed McMahon over who should pay their lunch bill. Ed won.

Howard didn’t think Ed McMahon had any money left over to pay for anything, but everyone else thought the Paula Abdul story was the obvious fake. Mike confirmed that they were correct.SAL IS THE CUPCAKE DOUBLE DIPPERSteve Langford revealed that Sal Governale has been caught on a security camera stealing the best cupcake toppings and using them to “double dip” in the icing. Steve said Sal was caught checking to see if anyone was watching, and then picking away at three separate cupcakes. Sal came in to say he never touched the cupcakes themselves – he only stole the cookie/candy that tops the icing. Sal continued to dispute the “double dip” element of the story, so Howard bet him that he did, with the penalty being Richard’s balls in Sal’s mouth. Just wait ’til next week when HowardTV has the footage ready…ERIC THE MIDGET WANTS A HUG-AND-DYE

Eric the Midget called in to complain about a supposed inaccuracy in one of Steve Langford’s reports, but Howard quickly moved on, telling the little guy he’d love to give him a hug: “You love life don’t you?” Eric said he did. Howard went on: “And I love the fact that your mom comes over to wash and dye your hair…I want to hold you…I love you, Eric.” Eric replied that if Howard loved him, he would fire Langford, but Howard said that wasn’t going to happen.

Howard referenced this Internet hoax
Howard again said he was looking forward to “The Watchmen.”

Artie suggested they check Kim Kardashian’s address book if they want to find black people.

Howard referenced The Flaming Lips’ audience ball
Howard’s stalker, John the Wine Guy, called in to say he didn’t want to be a stalker anymore: “I just wanna be the wine guy.” Howard then allowed him plug his wine, Lieb Cellars
Howard and the gang checked out a picture of Corey Feldman’s wife.

Artie said he was enjoying “The Two Coreys.”

Howard defined “swarthy.”

Howard asked Robin if she was good at oral sex, so she claimed: “When I go for it, I go for it…I can be good at anything.”

Artie remarked that a friend of his saw Ashley Alexandra Dupree at the Jersey Shore.

Howard said he always wanted to bang Susan Anton.Thursday’s Show