Date posted: August 22, 2008

So not smarter than an 8th grader – The Howard Stern ShowThursday,  August 14, 2008SO NOT SMARTER THAN AN 8TH GRADER The Howard Stern Show for August 14, 2008SAL IS OFFICIALLY DISINVITEDHoward started off the show noting that Beth sat him down to discuss something “very serious” last night, and he knew that it was going to be about Sal. Howard said Beth was upset by Sal’s claim that his invite to the wedding meant she had “finally come to her senses.” Robin agreed, adding that Sal must be having some kind of “psychotic break.” Howard said, “Here’s how it’s working: He and his wife were coming…Now they’re not.”



Howard then played a few clips of Sal on yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show. In the clips, Sal was puzzled by the idea that Howard wasn’t always like his on-air persona: “He’s not? Then who am I?” Sal then burst into the studio (which Fred brilliantly scored with The Who’s “Who Are You?”) to say that “the last thing I want from you is for you and Beth to be uncomfortable…the best place to put me is to put me out.” Sal wished Howard and Beth the best: “I made my bed.” Howard thanked Sal and told him not to change – just don’t show up at the wedding.ROBIN CAN’T LISTEN TO JIM’S VOICEHoward played a clip of Jim Florentine’s appearance on yesterday’s Bubba the Love Sponge Show. In the clips, Jim said he and Robin never told each other “I love you” – but he did claim they “made love” instead of f’ing. Howard asked Robin what she thought of Jim’s statement, and Robin replied, “I think he did a fine job…[but] I don’t want to hear any of it!” MEET ROBIN’S NEW MAN

A 25-year-old kid named Mark stopped by to ask Robin out, and the crew remarked that he looked kind of like David Beckham. Robin thought he looked a little more like K.C. Armstrong. Mark showed that he wasn’t just handsome: he’d brought Robin some items from a vegan bakery. Howard asked Chad how old he thought Robin was, and Chad correctly answered that Robin was 56: “She looks even better in person.” Robin was pleased: “He says all the right things.”

Mark also said he had no problem having anal sex with Robin: “I can be very accommodating.” Howard asked Mark how many women he’d had sex with, and Mark claimed he didn’t keep track. Mark added that he wouldn’t be insulted by Robin’s refusal to swallow, as he loved big breasts: “Who doesn’t?” Artie wanted to know what Mark made for a living, and Mark proudly answered, “Close to six figures.” Mark then asked Robin out for a Vegan dinner, but Robin was evasive, telling him he could leave his number and she might call gim.HACKS VS. JACKSONHoward welcomed Jackson “Baby Booey” Dell’Abate (Gary’s 13yr old son), Sal Governale and the Reverend Bob Levy

to the studio to play “Are You Smarter Than an 8th Grader?” Howard noted Sal’s community college education and Bob’s inability to finish

high school – and then asked the game’s questions, promising the comics “some kind of prize” if they win, and the task of washing Baba Booey’s feet if they lose:

1. Name the odd numbers between 1 and 10. Bob and Jackson: “1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.” Sal: “1, 3, 6 and 9.”



2. Dog is to Puppy as Goat is to ____. Sal: “Kid.” Bob: “Sheep.” Jackson: “I have no idea.”



3. Out of 20 games, a team won 10 and lost 4. How many ended in a tie? All had 6.



4. Spell “canoe” All had c-a-n-o-e.



5. What letters do you add to “six” to make it plural? Bob: “S?” Jackson: “E and S.” Sal: “none.”



6. Change 3/10 to a decimal. Bob: “9.” Jackson: “0.3.” Sal: “0.03.”



7. You have 16 dimes. How many more do you need to make two dollars? All had four.



8. What do you call the distance around a circle? Bob: “Parameter?” Sal and Jackson: “Circumference.”



9. Spell “Alaska.” All had a-l-a-s-k-a.



10. Spell “apparatus.” Bob: “A-p-r-a-t-i-c-e.” Jackson: “A-p-p-e-r-a-t-u-s.” Sal: “A-p-a-r-a-t-u-s.”



11. The 2008 Summer Olympics are being held in what city? All had Beijing.



12. Spell “weight.” All had w-e-i-g-h-t.

13. Name four continents. Sal: “Asia, Africa, Tokyo and Mexico.” Bob: “South & North Americer, Africer and Asier.” (that’s the way Bob said it) Jackson: “South & North America, Europe and Asia.”



14. In what country did the Great Potato Famine take place? Bob: “Poland?” Jackson and Sal: “Ireland.”



15. At what temperature does water freeze on the Celsius scale? Sal: “20?” Bob: “32?” Jackson: “Zero.”



16. Who was the second president of the United States? Sal: “The guy after Washington.” Bob: “Madison.” Jackson: “John Adams.”



17. Which ocean is the state of Hawaii located in? All had Pacific.



18. In which hemisphere is Antarctica? Sal and Bob: “Northern Hemisphere?” Jackson: “Southern Hemisphere.”



19. Spell Connecticut. Bob: “C-o-n-n-i-t-i-c-u-t.” Sal: “C-o-n-n-e-c-i-u-t.” Jackson: “C-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-c-u-t-t.”



20. What currency does Russia use? Bob: “I have nothing.” Jackson: “Euros?” Sal: “Isn’t it the Euro now?”

Baby Booey whipped their asses! Howard then presented him with a $500 prize: “Is that more money

than you’ve ever had?” Jackson was elated: “Yes!” Gary then came in and – to everyone’s horror – took off his shoes and socks: “I didn’t shower this morning.” Sal

removed his shirt claiming this would prevent his clothes from reeking of Gary’s feet and

Bob gagged repeatedly. The guys then began scrubbing, but Sal complained the whole time: “He’s got open red sores on his feet! It’s disgusting!” Gary said he’d forgotten: “I was scratching mosquito bites.”MADONNA’S BROTHER (AND OFFICIAL BREAST-WIPER)Christopher Ciccone stopped by to promote his new book, “Life with My Sister Madonna,” and Howard asked him if it was weird to have to wipe the sweat off his sister’s sweaty breasts during concerts. Chris admitted it was a little strange: “We were dancers and I sort of got used to it…When I look back on it, it looks a little creepy.” Howard wondered if Madonna tried to prevent the book from being published, and Chris admitted that she’d called and emailed, but he never answered, preferring not to give her any say in the matter what so ever.

Robin asked when Chris had last spoken with Madonna, so he cited a conversation they had a couple weeks before the book was published. Chris then explained how he put the book together: he was offered $50,000 for an exclusive interview and discovered that he could get a lot more if he wrote a whole book. Howard asked Chris about the rumor that Madonna had actually penned the book, but Chris denied it: “If she did, she’s doing the best acting job I’ve ever seen.”TOO HOT FOR YOUR TELL-ALLChris claimed he left nothing out of the book – except for a few things that would offend his family. Howard wondered why the lawyers didn’t let Chris include the story of Madonna’s abortion, and while Chris confirmed rumor, he said “it wasn’t important to the story.” On Chris’ way out, Howard asked him if he missed his sister, but Chris was evasive: “I miss working on the tour. I miss the cheer of the crowd when everything’s perfect…I don’t miss [Madonna's husband] Guy.” MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAMEHoward got Mike Walker of The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:

1. Dustin Hoffman offended nearby diners at a fancy restaurant with some dirty jokes.



2. Robert Downey Jr. could be heard peeing on-mic at a “Tropic Thunder” press conference.



3. Martin Sheen is pissed at Denise Richards for denying him access to his grandchildren.



4. NBC News anchor Brian Williams wears flip-flops under that desk.



Howard, Robin and Artie said the first story must be false, as people are too enamored with celebrity to not want to hear every word out of Dustin Hoffman’s mouth. Fred thought the Robert Downey Jr. item was suspicious, laughing that Mike probably just wanted to say “Tinkleman.” Mike happily reported that no one’s analysis was correct – Brian Williams always wears appropriate footwear.Kids are growing more apt to abuse prescription drugs.
John Mayer finally got sick of Jennifer Aniston.
Madonna’s still having adoption issues.

A Vancouver man will soon be giving three-hour tours in the original Minnow from “Gilligan’s Island.”
Birth control pills could cause women to choose the wrong partners.

When is someone dead?
Abortions don’t cause mental health problems.
Indians are considering rat farms.
Cindy McCain has a handshaking injury.
Obama is losing ground among uneducated, working class white people.
Oprah is going to the Democratic National Convention.

A 3-year-old boy is alive after being trapped underwater for 15 minutes.
Michael Phelps is a ratings machine.
Joe Francis is battling a $2 million casino tab.Artie said he loved Jennifer Aniston’s SmartWater ads.

Howard confessed that he worked with black surgical gloves on yesterday because he was so scared of germs getting into his system through his new wedding band/tattoo.

Gary compared Kerri Walsh and Misty May’s celebration after their 2004 Olympic Beach Volleyball win to the iconic beach scene in “From Here To Eternity.”
Howard said he was a big fan of “Brooke Knows Best.”

Howard said his wedding suit was designed by Tom Ford.

Howard started the show discussing the videos of John Edwards that were produced/directed by his former mistress, Rielle Hunter.Thursday’s Show