The best of the week august 11 – 14 – The Howard Stern ShowFriday,  August 15, 2008THE BEST OF THE WEEK AUGUST 11 – 14 The Howard Stern Show for August 15, 2008TUES: WACK PACK WAXING – FRED THE ELEPHANT BOYELEPHANT BOY IS LONELY

Fred the Elephant Boy stopped by to play “Wack Pack Waxing” and reported that he would soon turn 50 years old, adding that he was just 28 the first time he was on the show. Howard said he could already detect a hint of Elephant Boy’s legendary stench, and asked him where his girlfriend, Mary, was. Elephant Boy said she was in jail for [something about oxycontin addiction]: “She had carpal tunnel in both wrists.” Howard wondered if she didn’t like Elephant Boy and was just telling him she was in jail, but Elephant Boy claimed she was actually having a pretty bad time, having also lost her job and her house in addition to going to jail.

WACK PACK WAXING ROUND 1

Howard then turned to Cleo, who would be waxing Elephant Boy today, and asked Fred what he thought. Fred said something like “She looks nice.” Howard then asked Fred a series of questions, promising a prize of $500 for each question he got right, and a painful waxing if he failed:



1. Name the wrestler who smacked 20/20 announcer John Stossel. “David Shultz.” Correct.



2. Who was the manager who negotiated Ric Flair’s move to the WWF? “Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan.” Correct.



3. Who did former WWE wrestler Brock Lesner beat in his first MMA match? “I don’t know mixed martial arts. I’m getting waxed.”

Elephant Boy stripped down, prompting a round of guffaws from the crew. Howard wondered if Cleo thought Elephant Boy’s penis was small, and she said “it is.” Elephant Boy defended himself half-heartedly: “I always say it’s

below average.” Cleo then “cleaned up the area” with a special spray and wipes, applied some wax, and tore away a strip of ass crack forestation. Artie was particularly disgusted, screaming in a high pitched voice: “Oh my geeah-ahd!”


ROUND 2

4. Regis Philbin had his nose broken by which former WWE wrestler? “Stone Cold Steve Austin. To me, that’s something he’d do to Regis.” Correct.

5. Who was the first WWF champion? “Nature Boy Buddy Rogers.” Correct.




6. Who managed The Road Warriors? “Paul Adouin.” Correct.


…AND THE BONUS ROUND!

Sal came in with a bonus $100 question for Elephant Boy:




7. What is Brutus the Barber Beefcake’s real name? Correct. For a bonus $100.



Gary also offered up three more $250 questions, and Elephant Boy took them on:

8. In what year did Andre the Giant make his WWF debut? “1975.” Incorrect – 1973! Cleo turned her attention to Elephant Boy’s asshole, prompting a sharp “WAAH!” from the poor guy.



9. In Wrestlemania 2, who did Rowdy Roddy Piper fight in a boxing match? “Mr. T.” Correct.

10. What was the name of the pay-per-view event at which Owen Hart fell to death from the ceiling? “Unforgiven?” Incorrect – “Over the Edge”! Cleo then ripped another clump of hair from Fred.



Howard offered Fred one more question for a dollar, and he accepted:



11. What was Chris Canyon’s WCW name? “Mortis.” Correct, for a total of $3,101.MON: SETH ROGEN SETH ROGEN IS ONE RICH STONER

Seth Rogen stopped by to promote “Pineapple Express” and said he was happy with the film’s success, as its box office take over the first weekend nearly covered its break even point. Howard asked if Seth smoked a lot of weed, and Seth admitted he did: “Like every day in high school.” Howard told Seth that two of the female interns had battled over the privilege of handing him his release forms, so Seth admitted it was “weird” to be sex symbol: “I watch a lot of porn…now it’s weird, ’cause they’ve become so attainable.”



Howard noted that Katherine Heigl had spoken out against “Knocked Up” since its release, and Seth expressed surprise: “I think she just likes to, um, talk.” Seth told the crew about writing and starring in the upcoming production of “The Green Hornet” and said he’d be working on the script with his writing partner, Evan (“He’s just some Jew I went to high school with.”): “I’m trying to lose weight…you have to believe I can do physical activity.”TUES: SAL GETS INVITED TO HOWARD’S WEDDINGHELL HAS FROZEN OVER

Howard played some clips from yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show of Sal insulting Dominic Barbara. Sal came in to defend his statements, but before he could get started, Howard asked him what he got in the mail the other day. Sal revealed that Howard had sent him a wedding invitation, adding, “I definitely won’t turn it down.” Howard then explained why he’s friends with Dominic: “He’s interesting. [My friends] don’t have to be funny.” Howard continued, “I like Sal. But he’s an employee. I don’t have to be friends with him.”WED: SAL GETS UNINVITED TO HOWARD’S WEDDING – PLUS BENJY NEEDS A MEETING BENJY’S PRIVATE MEETING

Howard started off the show noting that Benjy wanted to have a private meeting with him, but he didn’t want it to happen. Benjy claimed he had something to tell Howard that was “even bigger than the last thing he told him” (a reference to the sort-of-famous-woman-with-a-connection-to-the-show that Benjy slept with a few weeks ago). Howard asked that Benjy just tell him in a note, and Benjy said that was fine for the other issue he wished to discuss (a raise), but he didn’t feel comfortable about writing down his main issue.
SAL’S GOT A THEORY

Gary came in to tell Howard that Sal had just “floated a theory” that his invite to Howard’s wedding subtly belied Howard’s desire for “something weird” to happen at the event. Howard was freaked out by the theory: “Sal, you’re crazy. I’m taking away the invitation. You won’t be allowed in.” Sal refused to hear it, shouting over Howard, “Don’t say it! I can’t hear it! I’m taking my headphones off! I can’t hear you!”

Gary then came in with an announcement: Beth had just sent him a one-line that read, “Please tell Sal to show some class and not show up to the wedding.” Sal said he felt bad for Howard, because he’s painted him into a corner where he must disinvite: “I apologize because I put you in a strange situation…I just went with a theory.” Howard replied that the wedding will be a big day for Beth, and he can’t allow Sal’s insanity to be present.MON: ARTIE TELLS THE STORY ABOUT HIS LIFE WHICH NOW INCLUDES REHAB ARTIE RELAPSE REDUX

Robin started off the show noting how hard it was to wake up for work this morning, and Howard replied that Artie probably had a harder time. Artie said, “My plane crashed into the side of the mountain” over the break, explaining that he “fell off the heroin wagon” about seven weeks ago. Howard tried to keep things light, joking that he now knew why Artie went to Afghanistan: to be closer to the poppy fields. Artie replied that he’d actually been hanging out with the wrong crowd in Jersey “and one thing led to another and I ended up with heroin.”


Artie said his relapse was triggered by a night out drinking – a night in which he skipped his Subutex dose – and when he was drunk at the end of the night, he was offered heroin. Artie bought a couple bags for $40. After he returned from Afghanistan, he scored again. Howard was surprised: “This is dark, bro.” Artie agreed, noting that he was saved when his mom and sister began suspecting he was in the middle of a relapse – and when Richard Lewis called him up out of the blue to recommend an addiction doctor/specialist who saved his life.


RICHARD LEWIS, LIFESAVER

Artie continued, saying he was supposed to see Springsteen the night of the last live show and then head to LA for the Bob Saget roast, but he blew off the concert and began going through withdrawl the morning of the roast. The roast’s producer offered to fly him to LA on a private jet – with a medic on board – but when he alluded to what was going on, they changed the offer to a car to the hospital. Artie turned them down, checked himself into rehab and called the doctor that Richard Lewis recommended. Things have been improving ever since.THUR: ARE YOU SMARTER THAN AN 8TH GRADER TWO DOPES VS BABY BOOEY

Howard welcomed Jackson “Baby Booey” Dell’Abate (Gary’s 13yr old son), Sal Governale and the Reverend Bob Levy

to the studio to play “Are You Smarter Than an 8th Grader?” Howard noted Sal’s community college education and Bob’s inability to finish

high school – and then asked the game’s questions, promising the comics “some kind of prize” if they win, and the task of washing Baba Booey’s feet if they lose:

1. Name the odd numbers between 1 and 10. Bob and Jackson: “1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.” Sal: “1, 3, 6 and 9.”



2. Dog is to Puppy as Goat is to ____. Sal: “Kid.” Bob: “Sheep.” Jackson: “I have no idea.”



3. Out of 20 games, a team won 10 and lost 4. How many ended in a tie? All had 6.



4. Spell “canoe” All had c-a-n-o-e.

5. What letters do you add to “six” to make it plural? Bob: “S?” Jackson: “E and S.” Sal: “none.”



6. Change 3/10 to a decimal. Bob: “9.” Jackson: “0.3.” Sal: “0.03.”



7. You have 16 dimes. How many more do you need to make two dollars? All had four.



8. What do you call the distance around a circle? Bob: “Parameter?” Sal and Jackson: “Circumference.”



9. Spell “Alaska.” All had a-l-a-s-k-a.



10. Spell “apparatus.” Bob: “A-p-r-a-t-i-c-e.” Jackson: “A-p-p-e-r-a-t-u-s.” Sal: “A-p-a-r-a-t-u-s.”



11. The 2008 Summer Olympics are being held in what city? All had Beijing.



12. Spell “weight.” All had w-e-i-g-h-t.

13. Name four continents. Sal: “Asia, Africa, Tokyo and Mexico.” Bob: “South & North Americer, Africer and Asier.” (that’s the way Bob said it) Jackson: “South & North America, Europe and Asia.”

14. In what country did the Great Potato Famine take place? Bob: “Poland?” Jackson and Sal: “Ireland.”



15. At what temperature does water freeze on the Celsius scale? Sal: “20?” Bob: “32?” Jackson: “Zero.”



16. Who was the second president of the United States? Sal: “The guy after Washington.” Bob: “Madison.” Jackson: “John Adams.”



17. Which ocean is the state of Hawaii located in? All had Pacific.



18. In which hemisphere is Antarctica? Sal and Bob: “Northern Hemisphere?” Jackson: “Southern Hemisphere.”



19. Spell Connecticut. Bob: “C-o-n-n-i-t-i-c-u-t.” Sal: “C-o-n-n-e-c-i-u-t.” Jackson: “C-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-c-u-t-t.”



20. What currency does Russia use? Bob: “I have nothing.” Jackson: “Euros?” Sal: “Isn’t it the Euro now?”

Baby Booey whipped their asses! Howard then presented him with a $500 prize: “Is that more money

than you’ve ever had?” Jackson was elated: “Yes!” Gary then came in and – to everyone’s horror – took off his shoes and socks: “I didn’t shower this morning.” Sal

removed his shirt claiming this would prevent his clothes from reeking of Gary’s feet and

Bob gagged repeatedly. The guys then began scrubbing, but Sal complained the whole time: “He’s got open red sores on his feet! It’s disgusting!” Gary said he’d forgotten: “I was scratching mosquito bites.”

WED: BOB SAGET IN STUDIO BOB SAGET’S EDITED ROAST

Bob Saget stopped by to promote his upcoming Comedy Central Roast. Howard asked if Bob had some of the Olsen Twin jokes removed in the editing process, but Bob denied it: “I was upset about a couple of the lines…but I believe very much in the freedom of speech.” Bob cited Gilbert Gottfried’s “Ass-hurt” joke as a particularly offensive line and laughed that it was his own line that got cut: “I said, ‘I see Gilbert Gottfried, Susie Essman and Jon Lovitz. The dais would be a great line-up – if this was Auschwitz’…[Comedy Central] didn’t like that.”

Howard asked if Artie’s absence cast a pall over the Roast, but Bob confessed they just booked another fat comedian (Jeff Garlin from “Curb Your Enthusiasm”) in his stead. When asked about Artie’s “problems,” Bob thought Artie would listen to the show’s crew about his addiction before any of the Roast comedians, as “you guys spend four hours each day inside of each others’ heads.” Howard then decided it was time for Bob to lead an intervention. Artie’s voice then began to rise as he yelled that a real intervention required a mental health professional to be present.
“DIRTY WORK 2”: COMING SOON!

Artie said, “If you think I should be away at a facility for 30 days, maybe I should do that.” Howard asked if Artie’s therapist thought so, but Artie claimed he did not: “I’m choosing to listen to this guy.” Artie added that he

appreciated Bob’s concern (“He’s a real friend.”), so Bob claimed he didn’t deserve too much praise: “I said [at the Roast], ‘We’re shooting “Dirty Work 2” soon. Norm will film his part this fall, and Artie’s part will be filmed tomorrow…during the autopsy.’”
Friday’s Show