The Best of the Week February 9 – 13 The Howard Stern Show for February 13, 2009

PENTHOUSE PET SHAWNA LENEE

Shawna Lenee stopped by to promote her Penthouse cover and told the crew she was 21 – and has been in porn since she was 18 and 5 days. Howard asked Shawna about reports that she once tried to kill herself, so she confessed to going through “a lot of baby-daddy issues…it’s hard to balance family and what you want to do.” Shawna added that she had the kid when she was 17, but he’s not living with her right now: “My baby-daddy won’t let me take him outside the state of Ohio.”

BOB LEVY’S READING TEST

THE REV. BOB LEVY CATCHES “STRAP METAL”

Howard welcomed the Reverend Bob Levy and The King of all Grammar to report on the reading test Bob took first thing this morning. Howard heard Bob say “shrapnel” wrong on the tape and had him repeat it live, so Bob tried again – it came out as “strap metal.”

Howard also played clips of Bob bungling the pronunciations of words like synopsis, obscure, resplendent, facetious, and several others – and displaying no comprehension of a sentence he’d just read.

…AND READS AT A 6TH GRADE LEVEL

The gang all placed bets on the results of Bob’s reading test. Howard predicted that Bob read at a 5th grade level. Robin went with 3rd grade, Artie 2nd and Fred 6th. The King of All Grammar then announced that Fred was right – Bob reads at a 6th grade level. Bob was stoked: “That better than I thought! I’m f’ing thrilled. I thought I was, like, 4th.”

The King put Bob’s reading comprehension a little lower, at the 3rd grade level: “I wouldn’t say Bob’s retarded. Bob’s a street-smart guy.” Bob thanked everyone for their support: “Anytime you guys wanna feel good about yourselves, I’ll be back.” Howard wondered how Bob made it through school and asked if it had been a traumatic experience. However, he was afraid Bob might not know what traumatic meant, but Bob knew exactly what it meant: “You mean like this morning?”

COMEDIAN NORM MACDONALD

NORM MACDONALD DOESN’T WANT YOUR WIFE

Norm MacDonald stopped by promote some upcoming comedy gigs and said a limo driver in Florida recently offered him his wife: “All week long, guys were like this is my wife and this is the other wife.” Artie explained that married comedy fans frequently want to party and hook you up with their single friend: “There’s always a hot-tub and ecstasy and pills and they’re like, ‘Come back and we’ll all f’.’”

Norm said he hated partying with couples: “My thing is – for sexual encounters – I like to lie on top of a lady.” Norm said he thought even less of Artie’s recent Rolling Stone profile: “It’s the weirdest f’ing thing I’ve ever read in my life…I’ve never read an article about an entertainer where the entertainer is described as a liar…I thought I was [supposed to be] reading about a f’ing comic.”

NORM TURNED DOWN PAUL NEWMAN
Howard asked Norm about the time he won a half million dollars on Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire and donated it to the Paul Newman Foundation, so Norm said he was invited to Paul’s ranch afterward and turned it down: “It comes down to just you and Paul Newman in a room…and I got no [good] stories, like ‘One time, Will Ferrell…’” Norm said the worst part was that he knew the answer to the million dollar question.

SEXY STARLET ELIZA DUSHKU

“Did you go tanning?”
“No I was in South Beach baby.”

AL ROKER UNLEASHED

AL ROKER IS DOING BETTER THAN ARTIE

Al Roker came in early to promote his TNT show, “DEA,” as he has to head over to his other job on “The Today Show.” Al immediately told Artie he loved his book, calling it the feel bad book of the year, adding, “I was feeling bad before I read it. Now I’m like, ‘Hey, I feel ok. As long as I’m not dead, I’m doing better than this guy.’” Continuing their earlier discussion, Howard asked if Al ever ran into an unclean woman in his travels, but Al denied it: “No. I got a little nervous when one had an EZ Pass, but no.”

Howard asked Al about the bargaining chips he uses with NBC during negotiations, but Al claimed he never tried to play the I’m-getting-other-offers card: “I met with Mel Karmazin once when he was at CBS, but that was just because he was an interesting guy.” Al did admit that his salary has improved dramatically over his first gig, when he made just ten dollars a newscast: “I was thinking, ‘I’m gonna do this until I get a real job.’”

AL BINGES ON FRIES AND ICE CREAM
Howard wondered if Al was always overweight, and Al confessed that he’d gained a little since the all-time low he hit after gastric bypass surgery: “I’m never gonna be back to where I was…[but] when I eat way too much, I feel horrible.” Howard asked if Kathie Lee made Al want to gorge, but Al avoided the question (”I like Kathie Lee.”), choosing instead to cite his favorite binge foods: “Either vanilla ice cream or French fries.”

CHRIS “MAD DOG” RUSSO

MAD DOG ON THE STATE OF SIRIUS

Chris “Mad Dog” Russo stopped by to promote the launch of Mad Dog Radio on Sirius channel 123 – and said he was disappointed by Artie’s Rolling Stone profile (and his absence this morning): “Howard’s giving you a chance every day for four or five hours! Come in and have fun!” Howard asked how he should reach out to Artie, but Chris didn’t know if it were possible: “It’s almost like he thinks he’s John Belushi.”

Chris took issue with Howard for even thinking about retiring in 2011: “You’re gonna be here for a long time! Please!” Chris also commented on the solidity of Sirius, saying the company has continued to build his new channel and arranged his trips so he could broadcast live from MLB Spring Training: “I don’t get the impression that we’re about to fall apart.”

MAD DOG ON TIM SABEAN’S WEIGHT GAIN

Chris reported that his office was across the hall from Tim Sabean’s, so he’s been witness (thanks to Sirius’ glass walled offices) to the source of Tim’s recent weight gain: “He’s eating muffins here, egg sandwiches there.”

MIKE DROPS WITHOUT MAD DOG
Gary reported that Chris’ old station was losing ratings without him, but Chris refused to comment: “Why are you so wrapped up in that?” Howard laughed that if Chris didn’t want to talk ratings, he’d talk about his former co-host. Chris said he last talked to Mike in November “like long lost friends,” but when he ran into him at the Super Bowl, “That was awkward because we were both at the same event to cover [it]. We were both looking for the same guests…so it’s a tricky situation.” Chris laughed that he, of course, got the guests and exclusives – even Mike’s good friend Bill Parcells.