Date posted: August 1, 2008

The best of the week july 28 – 31 – The Howard Stern ShowFriday,  August 1, 2008THE BEST OF THE WEEK JULY 28 – 31 The Howard Stern Show for August 1, 2008PART 1: MONDAY NEWSFLASH: ROBIN & JIM ARE OFFICIALLY OVER

Robin revealed that she and Jim broke up over the weekend: “I guess we wore out.” Howard didn’t believe it, because Robin was so into Jim, leading Robin to explain that Jim broke up with her: “We hit a patch there a couple months ago and I guess we’re not gonna get through it.” Howard asked if Robin was ever in love with Jim at any point, but Robin still refused to say: “I think very highly of Jim.” Robin continued, saying they had a talk and then some time to think and decided that the relationship was over: “It just happened yesterday.”

Ralph called in to ask if Jim could be booked on the show for tomorrow morning, but Robin resisted: “I don’t think that so much…Maybe in a year.” Shuli, Jim’s close friend, came in to say he was happy to hear of the break-up, as he could now tell stories about Jim’s farts without Robin getting angry. Greg asked how weird it was that Jim was probably listening right now, and Robin confessed that she hated the idea. Howard wondered if she regretted “giving herself” to Jim, and Robin admitted she did: “Yes. Not because of who he is as a person. But because of who he is on the show…He has too much information.”PART 2: WEDNESDAY MEET THE BABA BOOEY SONG PARODY CONTEST FINALISTS

Howard welcomed the Baby Booey Song Parody Contest finalists to the studio and turned first to Matt, who wrote “Carmina Booey” and said he worked in engineering

and production. The next contestant Yioryos, who wrote “Baba Blues Brothers,” told the crew he worked in foreign relations in DC. Howard asked if “foreign

relations” meant FBI or CIA, but Yioryos didn’t want to say: “Let’s just leave it at that.” Yioryos said his girlfriend was in the green room, so Gary brought her in, and Howard was amazed: “Most guys who write Baba Booey songs don’t have girlfriends…She’s hot!”

The third contestant, Josh, who wrote “Law & Booey,” said he came up with the song in a couple hours. The next contestant (and former Robin song parody contest

winner), Ham Hands Bill, who wrote “Grab My Cock at the Ball Parts,” confessed that he hasn’t been laid since his ex moved to Miami a few

months ago – and then performed his song live! Bill also admitted that he needed the $5,000 badly: he had recently bet his life savings that Roger Federer would win this year’s Wimbledon (he didn’t).

A CROOKED LOSER

The final contestant, Brian, who wrote “Angry Young Booey” with his friend Michael, told the crew that the song took three days to put together. Brian also said he suffers from Peyronie’s disease: “Basically, it means I have a

crooked cock…it goes down and to the left.” Brian said he’s only had sex three times in his entire life and is now using a cream that supposed to straighten his member out. If it doesn’t work, his only option is surgery.

Howard then turned to the staff for their votes: Robin, Artie and Benjy voted for “Angry Young Booey.” Gary, Fred and Howard voted for “Carmina Booey.” To break the tie, Howard turned to the three contestants who didn’t get a vote. All three voted for “Carmina Booey.” Heather and Ita, a pair of beautiful Becks representatives, then came in to present Matt with the $5,000 prize.
PART 3: TUESDAY JESSE VENTURA IS PRO-UNION, …

Jesse Ventura stopped by and immediately started talking about how professional wrestling ruined his hips with a move called a “backdrop.” Howard asked if Jesse had any enemy kills when he was a Navy Seal, but Jesse still refused to say: “That’s something any military man keeps to himself.” Jesse said even his own father would only tell him the “fun stuff” about war – he had to hear from his mother that his dad had driven a tank over fields of dead bodies.

Robin complained that Jesse no longer shaved his head, so Jesse laughed that he not only had hair now – he also dyes it. Howard asked why Jesse didn’t like Hulk Hogan, which led Jesse to tell a story about trying to unionize the WWF wrestlers, only to almost be fired after Hogan ratted him out to Vince McMahon. Jesse said the wrestlers don’t have a union to this very day – they’re considered “independent contractors” by the government.

…AN INDEPENDENT TRUTHER, …


Howard asked Jesse why he decided not to run for one of Minnesota’s seats in the US Senate, so Jesse explained that an independent candidate doesn’t get support or protection from “the good ol’ boys club” and is therefore subject to abject scrutiny. Howard wondered why Al Franken – one of the guys Jesse would’ve been running against for the seat – has had such an unsuccessful campaign, and Jesse cited Al’s carpetbagging condescension as a major turn-off for Minnesota voters.

Howard asked if Jesse would ever run for the presidency, but Jesse dismissed the idea, saying an independent president would be assassinated immediately. Jesse added that he wasn’t even a believer in the official version of September 11th anymore and began spouting “truther” theories: “I think [Osama Bin Laden] is the modern Lee Harvey Oswald…We have the Boogeyman out there.” Howard replied that he didn’t think Bush was evil enough to attack his own country.

…AND GOING COMMANDO


Jesse told the crew about his time in Vietnam, which led Robin to ask if he ever patronized Vietnamese prostitutes. Jesse said, “Hell no! I did that in the Philippines.” Jesse also confessed that one of the rules of the Navy SEALS was that they never wear underwear: “And I still don’t.” Jesse then pulled down his pants to show Howard that was telling the truth.PART 4: TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY FRED IS THE SCOURGE OF THE PARKING LOT

Steve Langford also reported that Fred was seen getting into a confrontation in a parking log last weekend. Fred explained that his wife had hurt her foot and was wearing a cast – and walking with a cane – so he wanted to pick her up at the store’s exit. However, the car in front of him wouldn’t move out of his way, so Fred honked his horn a few times. Steve said his source claims Fred was very angry, so Fred finally confessed: “I might have been a little hot…The person was being obnoxious and being an asshole.”

BENJY INVESTIGATES LANGFORD

Howard played a clip from yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show of Fred and Benjy confronting Steve Langford about his own personal history. In the clip, Benjy asked Steve how long he’d been married, and Steve said, “8 years.” Benjy’s

response: “Interesting…have you ever used the n-word?” Steve denied ever using a racial epithet and said Benjy was just in one of his schtickcomas, leading Benjy to start screaming that he was “just reporting what people said.”PART 5: THURSDAY THE HULKSTER COMES OUT SWINGING

Hulk Hogan stopped by and immediately shot back at the claims Jesse Ventura made on the show earlier this week: “Ask him about Plato’s Retreat and all the wife-swapping. Ask him about taking pills and pissing his pants.” Howard told Hulk that he could see how miserable he was at Bubba the Love Sponge’s wedding, and Hulk admitted he knew he was having marriage issues even before the “Hogan Knows Best” reality show started shooting.


Hulk told the crew that his daughter Brooke had been approached by Playboy, and while it doesn’t jibe with his “redneck mentality,” he didn’t think it was necessarily a bad idea: “[But] right now, it’s not the right time.” Howard said he was getting married soon, so Hogan replied, “Brother, we have to talk.” Howard changed the subject instead and asked how Hulk felt about Linda’s new 19-year-old boyfriend. Hulk said he was cool with it – but it’s been real hard on the kids.

THE HULK’S NEW LIFE


Howard wanted to know what it was like to be single after 20 years of marriage, and Hulk said, “I was breathing all this dirty air…and was used to this mindset of being negative, as soon as I breathed clean air, I was like, ‘Oh, man’…I’m happier now than when I was married.” Hulk added that he recently met a hot blonde in a health food store, and he could tell by her eyes that she was a healthy person. Two weeks later, he ran into her again, and they’ve been dating ever since.

“CELEBRITY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING” IS COMING

The Iron Sheik called in to yell at Hulk, but Hogan thought the Sheik only sounded bitter on the

phone, “And then in real life he kisses and hugs you. He’s just working the gimmick.” The Sheik claimed he was going to forgive Hulk, so Hulk said, “Thanks, I love

you.” The Sheik replied, “I love you, too.” Hulk then told the crew about his new project: “Celebrity

Championship Wrestling” – starring Dennis Rodman, Danny Bonaduce, Todd Bridges, Dustin Diamond, Butterbean, Tiffany (80s pop star), Nikki Ziering, Trishelle (from “The Real World”), Frank Stallone (in drag!) and bunch of other “celebrities.”PART 6: WEDNESDAY ALL PRAISE THE MERGER HERO

Mel Karmazin stopped by to explain the nuances of the Sirius XM merger. Howard asked how Mel dealt with the government’s resistance, so Mel said it was dreadful: “It’s not that complicated. [They] could have said yes or no and [they] could have done that real early.” Howard wondered if he was the reason the government was so hesitant, and Mel said it had crossed his mind: “I thought it was you all the time…after you came, anything involving satellite radio became big news.”

Mel then thanked the NAB for their opposition, as it clearly demonstrated that Sirius and XM compete with terrestrial broadcasters – proving any monopoly claims wrong. Howard asked if Mel ever doubted the merger, and Mel confessed that he doubted it right up until the moment it went through.

THE FUTURE OF SATELLITE RADIO

Mel said the only company that has more subscribers than Sirius XM is Comcast: “The question is [no longer] will satellite radio make money? This merger creates efficiency…[and] now enables us to make money. The question is how much money.” Mel noted that the new company has deals with every major car company – and promised that “all XM radios out there” will be able to tune into Howard’s show as early as this coming September.PART 7: THURSDAYUNCLE LUKE SETTLES DOWN

Luther “Uncle Luke” Campbell stopped by to promote his new reality show, “Luke’s Parental Advisory,” and Howard asked if the reality show would’ve been better if it documented his 2 Live Crew years. Luke said his show was a little more family oriented than the videos he shot back then – plus, he now only talks with one former member of the Crew. Luke then noted that he got married last week, as he finally found a special lady: “I just wanted to be friends with [the other girls]…they all wanted to be Mrs. Luther Campbell, but they didn’t cut it.”

Luke said his 14-year-old son has a 15-year-old girlfriend – who has a child of her own (by someone else): “I told him, ‘That means she was having sex at 13.’ I told him to break up with her.” Robin asked Luke how many children he had, and Luke laughed, “Four. I only claim four. Technically, five…one of them, I never knew her.” Luke explained that he was never good with women (“you know, relationships”) because he only dated gold-diggers.
HOW TO SPOT A HO

With one eye on Robin, Howard asked Luke how often he washed his hair, but Luke was on Robin’s side: “About twice a week.” Luke then described the time he had sex with four women at once, noting that all four were black women: “[Asian women] just lie there in bed.” Luke also told the crew how to spot a STD-ridden ho: “If the house is dirty, the pussy’s dirty. If the car’s dirty, the pussy’s dirty…but it’s not foolproof. There was one girl from Long Island, and her buttcheeks smelled…I said, ‘Put your hand down there!’ Most girls need to taste [their own] s—t.”
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