Date posted: October 17, 2008

The best of the week october 13 – 17 – The Howard Stern ShowFriday,  October 17, 2008The Best of the Week October 13 – 17 The Howard Stern Show for October 17, 2008MON – WHO KNOWS HOWARD BEST?WHO KNOWS HOWARD BEST?

Beth Stern and Ralph stopped by to face off against Robin and Howard’s parents, Ben and Ray, in a game of ‘Who Knows Howard Best?’ Howard introduced Beth as “Beth Stern,” and she confirmed the name-change. Howard said the sex is even better now that he’s married and started with the questions:

What was the name of the camp where Howard was a counselor? Everyone knew it was Camp Wellmet.

Name the girl who took Howard’s virginity. Only Robin got the answer correct, as she shares a name with the lucky lady.

Besides Beth, who would Howard say was currently his best friend? Everyone knew it was Ralph except for Howard’s mom: “Ralph’s better friend to you than I am?”

What was Howard’s major in college? Everyone knew it was Communications.

What was the happiest moment in Howard’s life? Everyone guessed the birth of his children, but they were all wrong. Howard laughed: “I said summer camp!”

Other than broadcasting, which profession would Howard most like to try? Everyone knew Howard would like to be a chef – except Ralph, who guessed that Howard would want to return to his pre-radio field, advertising. Howard was almost offended: “I hated it!”

What was Howard’s favorite subject in school? Robin and Howard’s parents knew it was English. Beth guessed Math and Ralph went with History.

What is Howard’s favorite drink? Only Beth knew it was cranberry juice and seltzer.

What is Howard’s favorite food? Everyone knew it was pasta.

What was the name of Howard’s pet chicken? Howard’s parents and Beth knew it was “Pecky.”

Who was Howard’s childhood hero? No one knew it was his father.

What is Howard’s Hebrew name? Only Howard’s parents knew the answer.

Has Howard ever had sex with an Asian woman? Everyone knew he hadn’t.

Who is Howard’s favorite comedian? Everyone knew it was Chris Rock.

What is the oddest thing Howard ever collected? Ralph and Robin knew it was skulls.

What does Howard consider to be his worst habit? No one knew it was picking his teeth.

What is the name of the black woman Howard dated? Everyone but Howard’s parents knew it was Robin Givens.

How many times a week does Howard see his psychotherapist? Ralph and Robin knew it was three.

Howard then announced that Robin had won, and Robin promised to donate the $5,000 prize to charity.

WED – DAVID ALAN GRIER IN STUDIODAVID ALAN GRIER IS JEALOUS

David Alan Grier stopped by to promote his new Comedy Central series, “Chocolate News,” and told Robin that she once ignored him at the gym years ago. Robin said she didn’t remember the incident, so David shot back that it was a race issue:

“You were [ignoring me, talking to your white trainer] like, ‘Excuse me, black man.’” Howard asked if David had ever pulled a Chappelle-style flip-out over race issues and gone back to Africa, but David dismissed the idea: “I went to Africa to look at animals.”

Howard told David that he always thought he was gay, but David countered: “No, I love pussy…My wife is Korean…My first wife was Puerto Rican.” David then told a story about one of Jim Carrey’s hilarious characters that never made it to the air on “In Living Color”:

“He [would] pull out 40 feet of colon use it as a rope to lasso people.” David added that he never would’ve predicted fellow cast member Jamie Foxx’s success: “If you would’ve told me that ‘Ugly Girl’ would win an Oscar…I’m jealous as f’.”

DAG ISN’T A “SEINFELD” FAN

David told the crew about auditioning for the role of George Costanza on “Seinfeld”: “It was the worst audition ever…[Jerry] was horrible! He was horrible, he made me horrible.

[I thought] this will never work.” David laughed that he was also repeatedly approached to become a character on “Cheers”: “Every six months or so they said, ‘They’re looking for a black bartender’…[it always came to] nothing!”
MON – CHRISTIAN SLATER IN STUDIOCHRISTIAN SLATER CAN’T REMEMBER

Christian Slater stopped by to promote his new TV show, “My Own Worst Enemy,” and remarked that he once “ran around” Vegas with HowardTV executive producer Doug Goodstein. Howard asked if was a bummer to go from film to TV, and Christian response was slow: “Yeah…no.” Howard noted that Christian’s currently dating the founder of Jimmy Choo shoes. Christian explained how he met her on a blind date, which he felt was a good sign, as he met his now ex-wife in rehab.

Christian added that he was so upset over his marriage’s dissolution, he went to London, got loaded and ended up fighting with a cop. Howard pressed for more details, but Christian didn’t remember much – just that he was roof-hopping and ended up getting tasered: “I tried to grab the cop’s gun out of the holster.” Christian said he’s since sobered up (again) and has been alcohol and drug-free for three years. Howard noted that Christian’s dad was also known for being a little nutty, and Christian agreed: “He’s changed his name eight times…he’s got a weird theory about syllables.”

CHRISTIAN’S RESUME

Christian said that before he started seriously dating his current girlfriend, “We had to go through a whole procedure and meet with lawyers. There were papers signed.” Howard laughed and nervously moved on before confirming whether Christian was being sarcastic. A caller asked if Christian had ever had his salad tossed and Christian was honest: “Of course! Is that bad?” Artie told him it was ok: “It’s just an extra fifty bucks.” Another caller asked Christian about sex with Winona Ryder. Christian rolled with it: “You know, it’s the best stuff. It’s great.” However, Christian would not say whether Winona had tossed his salad: “Uh…”
WED – NO LABIA, NO AIR TIMEGARY’S LIPS SAVE THE DAY

A stripper stopped by with her plastic surgeon to show Howard her pre-labiaplasty vagina (or at least that’s what the email she sent the show said), explaining how she wanted to have her labia made smaller because she works as a go-go dancer and frequently wears tight pants: “It just looks puffy down there.”

When Howard asked to see the offending labia, she refused (“It’s personal for me.”), so Howard promptly kicked the pair out: “Why do you think we booked you? Get out of here!” Gary then came in to ask if he could cut the plugs out of the replay, and Howard agreed.

Richard came in to make up for the segment’s failure by crafting a makeshift labia out of Gary’s lips:

“He’s gotta lay on the couch. On his side.” Gary laid down and Richard pulled a pair of panties over Gary’s lips. Howard was disgusted: “She needs an operation!”

Howard directed the scene, telling Gary to open his mouth to “spread the lips” and make sputtering noises. Sal then burst in with a dildo and tried to put it in Gary’s mouth, but Gary tackled him and shoved it in his instead.
THURS – MAUREEN MCCORMICK IN STUDIOMARCIA BRADY DID WHAT FOR COKE?

Maureen “Marcia Brady” McCormick stopped by to promote her new book, “Here’s the Story,” and told the crew that her relationship with Eve Plumb (aka “Jan Brady”) was different than most thought: she was always jealous of Eve (Eve’s boobs were bigger).

Howard noted that the book’s coke stories are making headlines, and Maureen laughed that coke turned her into a slut: “I was if they had coke…I felt like I could do anything.

I felt like I was perfect.” Howard noted that Maureen once even let a guy videotape her nude, and Maureen admitted it was true: “I was 18 or 19.” Howard then appealed to the audience: “If anyone has that tape, can they send it to me?”?”

GREG ALMOST TOOK MARCIA’S CHERRY

Maureen told the crew that cocaine use wasn’t her only youthful mistake – she also planned to lose her virginity to Barry Williams (aka “Greg Brady”):
“It’s really weird. And I’m glad we never did it…his parents walked in on us…I didn’t do it so I must not have really wanted it.” When asked about her current relationship with Eve Plumb, Maureen confessed:
“We don’t really have a relationship…she was my best friend when we were doing the show. I loved her…we would undress in front of each other…I [jokingly] said that I kissed Eve [on a late night show] and she hasn’t spoken to me since.”

Howard asked Maureen about her date with Steve Martin, and she moaned that she “blew it. I was so coked out of my mind…I had nothing left in me…I didn’t get any of his jokes and I wasn’t laughing.”
Maureen said she also went on dates with Michael Jackson and Wilt Chamberlain. Ham Hands Bill called in to ask if Maureen was ever molested, and she said, “Maybe when I was 17…” Another caller wanted to hear Maureen swear, and she obliged with the C-word.

MON – HOWARD’S WEDDING RECAP

HOWARD & BETH’S BIG NIGHT

Howard started off the show remarking that he was now a married man – adding that the wedding was much more than just “a celebrity thing.” Artie agreed, joking: “There were a lot of shitheads there [too].” Robin laughed that the presence of shitheads went without saying: “JD was there.” Howard also speculated that Donald Trump was the one to leak the wedding’s date and location to Page Six, as his name was the only one mentioned in the story.

Howard said several guests were so impressed with Beth’s revealing dress, they got a little extra touchy-feely after the ceremony. The crew raved about the night’s big performances, including; Billy Joel, Phoebe Snow, Natalie Maines, Pat Monahan and Howard himself (accompanied by John Stamos on drums). Howard noted that his vows included promises to continue shaving all his body hair and Tivo-ing their favorite shows. Robin effusively repeated that “It was amazing.”

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