Date posted: November 3, 2008

The best of the week october 27 – 31 – The Howard Stern ShowFriday,  October 31, 2008The Best of the Week October 27 – 31 The Howard Stern Show for October 31, 2008JOHN THE STUTTERER VS SCOTT DEPACE JOHN THE STUTTERER HATES FAMILY VALUES

John the Stutterer came in to debate HowardTV’s Scott DePace on a few prominent political issues, but Howard denied his request to use notes. John claimed he needed his notes to keep him calm: his doctor is afraid John will have a stroke if he gets too upset. Howard threatened to call the debate off if John’s health was at risk, so John walked out.

Howard then called it: “McCain wins!” John then came back in and began shouting about Scott’s “family values” being in conflict with his love of strip clubs, but Scott had the obvious answer ready to go: “No, I [just] love women.” John screamed that Scott was hypocritical and began attacking McCain and Reagan: “I support ‘Hustler’ values! Larry Flynt is a liberal democrat.”

Eventually Howard allowed a debate to break out, and after calling the first issue for John the Stutterer, Scott accused Howard of being a “horrible moderator.” John immediately shot back: “And you’re a bald prick!” The debate quickly devolved into fighting words, so Howard asked John to demonstrate his fighting techniques – and was actually impressed: “Your shadowboxing actually didn’t look bad.” John’s punches winded him in less than a minute, however, and he had to sit down.

THE CALIFORNIA SNOWBALL IS SECULAR

Howard said he’d heard that John was using his “Straight Talk” salary on hookers, so John came back in to admit it was true: “Because I’m a liberal secular atheist!” John added that he had a new favorite sex act, “The California Snowball,” which has something to do with kissing the hooker that just blew him in order to share the results with her.

Ralph called in to say the act was gay, and Howard agreed, so John explained: “It’s my own…it’s the only way I can get girls.” Howard thought that if you were paying the girl, you didn’t have to do something that desperate as well.
NFL GREAT LAWRENCE TAYLOR LT LAYS CLAIM TO HIS NAME

Former NY Giant Lawrence “LT” Taylor stopped by to promote the video game he’s involved with, “Blitz: The League 2,” and Howard asked him to list some of the dumbest gigs he gets offered. LT joked that it was “marrying people.” Artie told a story about meeting LT years ago: “He said, ‘Where can I go f’ some bitches?’ We ran out of there.

We thought he would take us to the bitches.” Howard asked LT when he last spoke to OJ, and LT said “Before the trial,” adding that if he were in OJ’s position, he’d have done the same thing: “I’d go get my shit back…[I told him] ‘I’ll see you when you get back’ [from jail].”

Artie wondered what LT thought of LaDainian Tomlinson who plays for the San Diego Chargers and is also called LT, but LT just laughed: “When I hear it on the TV, I’m like, ‘Wow. Am I doing something?’” Artie suggested the call LaDainian “Baby LT” or “BLT.”

Howard then began investigating LT’s romantic resume, but LT stonewalled him on most fronts, including OJ’s daughter, Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife and even OJ’s girlfriend. LT confessed that he’s redirected the energy he used to spend on womanizing to the golf course, which usually involved a “friendly” wager and was often followed by dinner at his favorite strip club, Tootsie’s.

LT’S SAFE SCHEDULE

Howard asked how much a handjob cost at his favorite strip club, and LT laughed: “I heard they were about 75 dollars…I heard that in the back, you gotta pay. But I don’t go in the back.”

LT explained that his schedule didn’t allow him any time to stray: “It’s better now that I do what I want and the stress of going out there [and messing around is gone]. I got what I need.” The crew then wondered if LT would ever want to be a coach, but his response was quick: “I would rather watch two chickens f’ than coach football.”
TRACEY MORGAN IN STUDIO TRACY MORGAN LAYS IT DOWN

Tracy Morgan came in to promote the new season of “30 Rock” and bragged that he was off probation: “No ankle bracelet! There’s no cops in here, right?” Howard asked how Tracy’s love life was going, so Tracy confessed that he recently broke up with his girlfriend: “I don’t need to be with anybody who’s got a guilty conscience.”

Howard then went through Tracy’s romantic resume, and Tracy riffed on each one: J.Lo (”Her breasts smell like Carnation milk, man.”), Kate Hudson (”No! Absolutely not!”), Lil Kim (”I didn’t go out with her. We just went out for dinner…[laughs]“) and Britney Spears (”I lay the dick down!”).

Tracy turned to Robin and said, “You right there. If you ever gave me some, you’d get pregnant. I’m not pulling out.” Tracy added that he was enjoying his bachelorhood. Tracy also told the crew about his way of testing women for STDs – he sticks his finger in his ear and then in a woman’s vagina: “If she jumps, that means she got the clap. In the ghetto, they teach that in public school.”

TRACY’S WINNING PICK UP LINES

A caller asked if a recent tabloid report about Tracy’s behavior at Prince’s house was true, and Tracy said it was: “I woke up on the couch and he and his wife were at the door telling me, ‘You got to go’…I grabbed him by the shoulders and told him, ‘My father loved “When Doves Cry”‘…then I smoked a blunt in his driveway while the sun came up.” Tracy then laughed that he met his girlfriend by telling her “Hey baby, I want to get you pregnant.”
RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER LOVES MAMBO COLOGNE RONNIE THE LIMO DRIVER LOVES TO BAREBACK

Lisa G reported that Ronnie the Limo Driver told her he never wears condoms – he only has unprotected sex. Ronnie came in to say he was upset with Lisa, as he and his mother were listening to Bubba’s show when Lisa’s story originally ran. Howard wondered why Ronnie would ever tell Lisa something like that (and why he was listening to Bubba with his mother), so Ronnie claimed he didn’t think she’d focus her story on his response. Howard then asked Ronnie the obvious follow up question, where his load goes (”On her face? Do you pull out?”), but Ronnie would only say, “It depends.”

RONNIE’S 7FT “MAMBO” MUSK

Howard laughed that the whole staff was complaining about the amount of cologne Ronnie was wearing, but Ronnie countered that he was only wearing a moderate amount of his “Mambo” cologne. Howard checked out the scent’s Website and reported that it lasts 6 to 10 hours, and the recommended age group is: “mature.” Howard laughed that it sells at Target but Ronnie said it didn’t anymore: “It’s discontinued. You can only get it on the Internet.

I buy four or five bottles at a time…if you put them in the freezer, they last for five years. Right now, I have about ten bottles.” Howard then conducted an experiment, walking gradually closer to Ronnie until he smelled the cologne. Both Howard and Fred were hit with the Mambo at the 7 foot mark.
THE FINALE OF THE CRAPTACULAR 2008 THE CRAPTACULAR’S FINAL MOMENTS

Howard started off the show checking in with Joey Boots and High Pitch Erik, as the Craptacular was set to conclude in less than an hour. Shuli was on the scene and reported that High Pitch had crapped 10 oz. in the last 23 hours, and Joey had pulled ahead with 1lb 7oz.. Artie had money on the contest and began yelling at Erik: “You suck Erik! You can’t even shit good!”

High Pitch said his stomach was killing him and promised that he’d stay on the pot – and it paid off: he churned out another 12oz of diarrhea for a tie! A half hour later Erik shat again, putting himself ahead with a total of 1lb 10oz.

In the last minute, Joey and Erik got into a shit-off, in which Joey pulled even at 1lb 10oz. Erik stole it in the final seconds, however, crapping a 24-hour total of 2lbs.

Erik promised to split his winnings with Joey, and Artie got in the spirit as well, splitting the money he won off the contest ($200 each from Howard and Robin, who both bet on Joey) between the two contestants.

Friday’s Show