THE CHAMP STILL PINES FOR ROBIN The Howard Stern Show for April 2, 2009

ALI(ROBIN) VS. FRAZIER(HOWARD)

Howard opened this morning saying HBO’s “Thrilla in Manila” documentary really illuminated how Mohammed Ali mistreated Joe Frazier. Robin disagreed, speculating that Ali’s public attacks on Frazier were a product of his upbringing: “They were raised in a society that was crazy…you have no idea what racism does to people.” Gary also wondered why Ali would sometimes accept Frazier’s help if he disdained him so much – leading Fred to speculate that Ali always used Frazier: “Ali even cheated Foreman out of his championship.”

LISA G IS WILD AND CRAZY

Howard played a clip from yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show in which Lisa G claimed to have a wild past: “My thing used be, ‘Whatever, let’s go’…so now I guess I’m more conservative.” Asked to explain what “whatever” usually meant, Lisa said she would stay out all night – and even once had a one-night stand. In the clip, Gary guessed: “Lisa didn’t think it was a one-night stand, she probably thought [the guy] was in love with her.” Robin wondered if Lisa was used to get drunk and Howard laughed that he really didn’t see Lisa as the one passed out over a chair with her panties down around her ankles.

SAL IS NOW A LABORER

Sal told the crew he’s recently become a slave to his and his wife’s credit card debt: “I’m taking on the role of a laborer…I’m at a point now where I’m trying to put my foot down and make a change.” Howard told Sal to take back the checkbooks and credit cards and rip them up. Fred thought it was a partnership of failure: “He can’t stop her and she can’t stop herself.” Howard laughed: “Go straighten out your life and get back to me tomorrow.”

JOE FRAZIER AIN’T NO UNCLE TOM

Joe Frazier and his son Marvis stopped by to promote HBO’s “Thrilla In Manila” documentary and Howard asked Joe if he was true victor of the Ali-Frazier fights: “You can talk and walk and the other guy…he turned the black people against you. He called you an Uncle Tom.” Joe dismissed Ali’s attacks, saying that Ali was “light, bright and almost white.”

Howard asked Marvis if it was tough being Joe’s son when Ali was vilifying him in the press, and Marvis admitted it was: “Everybody and their sister would beat you up because you were Joe’s [son].” Joe also regretted that he listened to his trainer and refused to go out for the last round of the “Thrilla In Manila” fight, as Ali was unable to stand, but Robin thought he made the right choice: “Everybody’s alive today because of it. You two could’ve killed each other.” Joe laughed: “He may be alive, but he can’t walk.”

THE CHAMP DOESN’T GO DOWN

Howard asked Joe about his sex life, so Joe laughed that, when he takes unattractive woman to bed, he will put a pillow over her face – but leave her with a little room to breathe: “Just enough.” Joe also said he’s never given a woman oral sex: “I stay above the navel.” Marvis laughed: “You’ll never hear, ‘Down goes Frazier!’” Joe then invited Robin to go dancing: “We can go out boogey-ing.”

ARTIE TAKES ON LISA G

Artie took issue with some of the comments Lisa G made about his appearance in the hallway yesterday, so Lisa came in to apologize, saying, “It’s out of concern. [Next time] I should pull you aside.” Artie replied: “You just want to f’…Listen, I can change by exercise. You can’t change that skin unless you start shooting shit up your ass like Robin says.”

SAL’S LOVE SONG

Howard played a recently discovered “love” song that Sal had written for his wife after the whole “emotional friend” fiasco. Everyone got a kick out of the lyrics, which began: “I know why you hide your tears. Because you don’t want me to know who’s on your mind.” Howard cut the song off before too long, complaining that the singer Sal hired to record the song was impossible to understand.

Sal, however, blamed the choice of singer on Vinnie Favale who offered to find someone to record Sal’s song.

BETH O POLICES THE TREATMENT OF STAFF PETS

Beth O Stern called in to say she went to the TopShop opening in Soho last night, and instead of idle small-talk, everyone there was telling her that Scott DePace beats his dog. Howard explained he was trying to teach Scott how to train his dog by using the stern, “No!” but Scott insisted that he would continue using a rolled up newspaper to spank her instead. For obvious reasons, Beth said Howard’s method was the best – and also apologized for undermining Howard’s training methods by feeding Bianca table scraps.

ARTIE’S THERAPIST

Artie told the crew that he met with his therapist yesterday and things went well: “The guy is a bright guy, I think. I like him. I’m gonna go back.” Robin asked how often, so Artie laughed: “He thought three times a week would be good.” Howard said Artie at least had that going for him: “Mine wanted four times a week.” However, when Artie revealed that the guy was now reading his book, Robin laughed that he would probably up that to seven days a week pretty soon.

Artie also revealed that the trainer he hired to hit ground balls to him was a little more than that. Artie explained that the guy is a veteran and former cop (he’s also the guy who flies Artie around in his helicopter) who is going to help him clean up his life. This includes getting his weight under control, kicking Subutex and quitting smoking. Artie added that the guy even threatened to ram him with his car if he ever sees him scoring heroin again.

RICHARD CRIES FOR HIS PETS

Howard played another voicemail Richard’s father left for his son recently, telling him that he had to dig another grave in the family’s pet cemetery when one of their dogs got hit by a car. This led Howard to discuss Richard’s revelation on yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show that he cried when one of his beloved catfish, Catfishy 2, died, despite his attempts to revive the fish. Richard went on to tell about the first pet he cried for, Calfy, his pet cow, who went to the butcher. Howard asked if Richard and his family ate Calfy too, and Richard said they did, even though he cried when he was eating. Artie jokingly asked if he also cried when he shit Calfy out. Gary piped in that Richard currently has 5 fish (well 4 now) Catfishy, Catfishy 2 (RIP), Pinky, Bluey and Purple.

BENJY’S LETTUCE TROUGH

Fred interrupted the show with a quick note: “Before we go on, you have to look at Benjy’s salad of the day. It’s bigger than a shoebox.” Benjy said it was a simple, yet large, salad: “Just a little squirt of oil. It’s just lettuce. It’s 16 ounces of lettuce.” Howard thought Benjy was obsessed with volume, but Benjy insisted he’d changed: “I’m not stuffing myself anymore.”

THE GOSSIP GAME

Howard got Mike Walker of The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to pick the fake. After a quick hello, Mike read this week’s stories:

1. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were already broken up when they appeared together at the Oscars.

2. Jesse James turned down Jay Leno’s order for a motorized bar stool.

3. A high-end fashion house refused to bring a preview of their new collection to Madonna’s home – she had to go to their showroom.

4. “American Idol” contestants aren’t allowed to hug off-camera.

Howard and Artie thought the Leno item was too timely – and Robin and Fred went with the Jennifer Aniston item. Mike then announced that Fred was right to ignore his “never go with Robin rule” – they were right.

Steve Martin is a ripping banjo playerA California man choked to death on a live fish