Date posted: October 8, 2008

The doctor is in – The Howard Stern ShowWednesday,  June 13, 2007THE DOCTOR IS IN The Howard Stern Show for June 13, 2007“ONE OF THE BEST VOICES IN ROCK”Howard mentioned that he spent all day yesterday singing “Black Hole Sun” after Chris Cornell’s appearance yesterday, and Fred admitted to doing the same thing. Fred commented that Chris had one of the best voices in rock, and Howard agreed, adding that he was also impressed by Chris’ guitar playing. Robin said she didn’t care to know what the song was really about, as it takes on a different meaning for everyone. Howard read an email that said Howard was a hypocrite for supporting Chris and criticizing Andy Richter for going solo. Howard said he admired Chris’ courage, but didn’t know if it was necessarily the right decision.A HOWARD STERN SHOW CONVENTION?Howard played a clip of Gary Garver interviewing fans at a Star Wars Convention. Garver called up to say that they were all in costume and he had to interview them through their masks. Howard then played a clip of a guy dressed as a storm-trooper refusing to choose between Jesus and George Lucas, because it was a “loaded question.” Howard said he didn’t understand how Garver could make fun of the Star Wars fans after he tried to win his wife back by quoting Bible passages. Garver claimed he was more into Star Trek.

Howard decided that he was going to have his own convention where fans could show up in costume. Robin replied that she’d come as Bo the lesbian stripper. Howard said he would be Anthony Zipper and his stuffed daughter, as the most obscure references always garnered respect at Star Wars conventions. Howard then claimed he’d come as Kerry, Robin’s former assistant, and, to everyone’s amusement, Robin incorrectly replied that her old assistant’s name was Sherrie. said he would be Ed Torrian, the lie-detector guy.SAL NARROWLY AVOIDS DIVORCEHoward wanted to know why Sal wouldn’t agree to getting couples therapy on-air with Dr. Keith Ablow, and demanded that Sal come in to the studio. Sal came in and proceeded to reveal that he and his wife, Christine, almost divorced last month, but they’ve been going to counseling, which has helped. Sal said it started when he got a mystery phone call about “an emotional relationship” his wife had developed with a co-worker. Sal said he took his wife for granted, and even though she doesn’t given him oral, he’s trying to make an effort.

Sal claimed he has learned through therapy that he pushed his wife away by not supporting her, and that’s why she doesn’t want to be intimate with him anymore. Howard asked if she was still talking to her “friend”, and Sal replied that she was not. Gary came in to say that Sal’s therapist told Sal that it might take as long as 2 years before their normal sex life resumes. Sal said their sex life just started back up. Sal confessed that he felt like his wife died and he now has the opportunity to get her back.AN EVOLVED STOCKBROKERSal said he’d hired “something like” a private investigator to find out about the alleged relationship, and presented all the evidence, including an email in which she told her co-worker that she loved him by using the code “143” (1 letter “I”, 4 letters “love”, 3 letters “you”), on Mother’s Day. Sal added that he’s such a mess, he doesn’t even

masturbate anymore. Robin asked if Sal would be able to get past it if his wife had cheated, and Sal said he could, but it would be hard. Artie asked what Sal would do if he saw his wife’s co-worker, and Sal replied that he’d already made peace with the guy.

Robin and Howard remarked that they were impressed with how evolved Sal had become. Gary came in to ask if Sal’s wife knew this was going to be discussed on the air. Sal called her from his cell phone on the spot, but she refused to come on air. Artie noted that Sal twitched “a lot” while he was on the phone with her. Howard and Robin again applauded Sal’s efforts. Sal said he knew he was no angel, but he wants to make things work. In closing, Howard said he wanted to do something nice for Sal, so

he asked Richard Christy to come in to lick his balls. Richard, however, said the ball licking was more of a joke than anything sexual so he would actually have to “blow” him for it to be meaningful, but declined to do it in the studio.“SMART PEOPLE LOVED IT”Film critic, Richard Roeper came in to talk about this summer’s movies and Howard noted that he’s been in contact with his partner, Roger Ebert’s wife. Richard replied that it’s been hard for Roger not to talk, eat, “hold court”, or review movies, but Roger still gives Richard notes and suggestions for the show. Richard said they’ve had a variety of people sit in the other chair on the show, but Harold Ramis was the best. Howard asked if the celebrities who sat in had negatively reviewed any of the movies, and Richard replied that John Mellencamp wouldn’t negatively review anything and didn’t even know who Meg Ryan was.
Howard asked Richard what he thought of the “Sopranos” finale. Richard found that smart people loved it, and others did not. Fred angrily responded that he hated that argument, and repeated that he thought the episode was a cop out. Richard said the genius of David Chase was that he got Fred to say more than two words, and remarked that the finale rightfully reminded us what the characters were all about.THE (NOT SO) FANTASTIC FOURHoward asked Richard about the thank you note Artie sent him after he positively reviewed “Beer League.” Richard replied that “Beer League” succeeded at being what it wanted to be, unlike “Spiderman 3,” which had boring villians and Kirsten Dunst’s singing. Richard said he was on the fence about the new “Fantastic Four” movie because the characters were “too joke-y,” but was looking forward to the new Jason Bourne movie. Richard also mentioned that he loved Angelina Jolie’s Oscar-caliber performance in “A Mighty Heart”.

Howard said Eli Roth has claimed that Richard Roeper loved “Cabin Fever” during the screening, but gave it a negative review. Richard said he regretted giving the thumbs-up to “Coyote Ugly” and “Legally Blonde”, but he stands by most of his other reviews. Howard asked if Richard was still dating his hot Asian girlfriend, and Richard replied that he was not. Gary said that Richard claimed to have had threesomes with her on the Wrap-Up Show the last time he visited Sirius, and Richard replied that the Wrap-Up Show had no credibility. Howard then played a clip of Annabelle admitting they have threesomes, but Richard had nothing to add.HOWARD’S “BORING” COUPLES THERAPY SESSION

Howard claimed that he and Beth’s therapy session with Dr. Keith Ablow was going to be boring. Fred agreed, as most couples argue about money, sex, work, children, or housework, and didn’t think any of those were a problem for Howard (except “children, which seems to be a gray area”). Beth came in, and Howard said she looks so great he could never argue with her. Beth told that she wrote a long email to Dana recently, but Dana had yet to respond. Artie said that Dana’s “going through a crazy time” with this being the end of the school year, so she sometimes doesn’t get to her email. Beth replied that she just wanted to reach out, and understood that Dana was busy finishing school.

Beth told Dr. Keith that she didn’t understand why they’re trying to analyze her relationship with Howard when they’re in their blissful post-engagement period. Beth admitted she hates when Howard walks on “her” white carpet with his dirty boots, but that’s the only thing that “irks” her on a daily basis. Howard replied that taking off his boots and putting them back on takes 20 minutes, and added that she should never have gotten white carpets in the first place. Howard remarked that he didn’t want to live in an old lady’s house where everything was covered in plastic. Beth said she has solved the problem by ordering new, non-white carpets…with Howard’s credit card.

Howard said that neither of them wants bad feelings in the relationship, so they make concessions. Beth agreed, saying that she’s perfect for Howard because she doesn’t do much that upsets him. Dr. Ablow said this could be problematic. Beth claimed that she senses that Howard doesn’t like it when she goes to events a couple times a month. Howard admitted that he has issues with controlling people and being alone. Howard acknowledged that it was hard for him to watch Beth go out, so he pulls away emotionally.A CHESS “ANNIVERSARY” & A TRIP TO PITTSBURGH

Howard confessed that he was difficult to live with, which surprised no one, particularly Robin. Gary came in to say that Howard becomes obsessed with things, and Howard has recognized that his latest obsession, chess, sometimes gets in the way of his relationship. Beth said that Howard was her number one hobby, but Howard’s number one hobby is chess. Beth then revealed that Howard is going to be celebrating his one-year anniversary of “seriously studying chess.”

Ralph called to ask Beth how she puts up with Howard’s constant complaining. Beth said she just brushes it off. Dr. Ablow declared that Howard must encourage Beth to say what she really feels. Artie commented that the last time she was on the show, Beth recoiled when Howard told her that her family didn’t really want to throw them an engagement party in Pittsburgh. Beth said she did, and talked to Howard about it later. She then acknowledged that this will be Howard’s first trip to Pittsburgh, because she has previously been worried that Howard might not be comfortable there.LIFE WITH AN ADMITTEDLY SELFISH MAN

Dr. Keith said that, in order for Beth and Howard to genuinely love each other, Howard has to let Beth challenge him and be herself. Artie said Gary’s party was a great example. Beth said she only wanted to leave the party because she knew Howard was miserable, and added that the same thing happened last week. Howard’s cousin had a graduation party, but Howard wanted to leave at 7pm. Dr. Keith said that Howard was such a forceful personality, that he needs more intense work. Ralph asked what was wrong with Beth taking care of Howard a little, and Dr. Ablow replied that it’s Beth’s accommodating nature that makes her able to help Howard through his selfishness.

Beth then brought up the children issue again. Howard said that he couldn’t do it to the child, and added that Beth would just have to sit there and hate him if she ends up wanting a child. Howard plugged Dr. Ablow’s book, “Living the Truth,” and Beth said that she was glad they had had a chance to talk about all these things today. Howard said he needs to work on becoming less selfish, and Beth said she will stand up for herself more and take more risks. Beth then commented that she thought Sal’s wife’s “emotional relationship” had been a little more than just that. Artie agreed, but said he felt bad for saying so, and Fred noted that he still didn’t think she cheated on Sal though.• A baby gorilla was found clinging to her dead mother.

• Doctors have announced that children who are obese need to be told so, not coddled.

• JFK, Newark, and Detroit have made the list of the most miserable airports.

• Mr. Wizard died at the age of 89.

• The US Military proposed the creation of a hormone bomb designed to turn soldiers into homosexuals.

• A man named Ed Jew was booked on perjury charges in San Francisco.

• Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife is blaming her ex-husband for her poor book sales.

• Scientists suggest that a spoonful of cod liver oil a day may stave off depression.

• NY Governor Eliot Spitzer has said he might legalize medicinal marijuana.

• A new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don’t believe in evolution.

• A psychic led friends of a missing Illinois woman to a set of bones, but they turned out to be from an animal.

• “America’s Got Talent” is the number one show in America.

• An Iowa man was sentenced to 100 years for producing child pornography.

• Astronauts will have to take a low-tech approach to fix a heat shield that protects the shuttle.

• Jennifer Aniston reportedly decided she’s ready to start a family after seeing Sheryl Crow with her son Wyatt.

• A man known as the “Diaper Flasher” is being pursued by authorities.

• Tommy Mottola and his wife, Thalia, are expecting a baby.

• Liev Schrieber denied that he and Naomi Watts are married.

• Bruce Willis denied that he and Drew Barrymore are dating.

• Paris Hilton is still in jail.• Steve Langford reported that “the Secret War,” a movie starring Jim Florentine and K.C. Armstrong, is finally being released after 4 years on the shelf.

• Howard said that, if they had a Howard Stern Show Convention, he would go dressed as this character.

• Howard welcomed Mike Guy into the studio. Howard said Mike is writing a piece on Artie for Playboy. Mike told Howard that the issue would be out this fall sometime.

• Richard Roeper noted that his Celtic cross tattoo was done by one of the cast members of “Miami Ink.”

• Dr. Keith Ablow was anything but boring this morning.

• Howard presented Robin with some Sophie’s Choice scenarios, and Robin chose her nephew over Howard, Fred over Artie, Roger Ebert over Richard Roeper, Gary over Fred, her beach house over Benjy, and solid food over Benjy.

• Howard noted that, on his show last night, Riley Martin said that an alien race called the Tarsissians caused New York City blackouts the early 60’s.

• JD came in to say that Chris Cornell has admitted that the lyrics of “Black Hole Sun” aren’t about anything in particular.

• Robin noted that this was her 11th day without solid food.