Date posted: June 30, 2008

The lady has a new lord – The Howard Stern ShowTuesday,  June 24, 2008THE LADY HAS A NEW LORD The Howard Stern Show for June 24, 2008THERE HE GOES AGAIN…Howard started off the show by playing a clip of Imus’ latest gaffe and making an official comment: “Imus is senile…he’s not even saying anything that makes sense.” Robin agreed, remarking that the whole controversial exchange only proved Imus’ age. Howard couldn’t understand why Imus was talking so much in the first place: “He was never a witty guy…I think he’s lost it.” The gang then had a laugh at Imus’ convoluted apology. MORE STERN WEDDING DETAILS

Hook Nose Mike called in (for the first time in a while) and asked Howard what it was like when he first banged Beth. Howard told Mike that he and Beth went out to stay at Dominic Barbara’s beach house and – despite Beth’s insistence that they weren’t “ready” yet – ended up having sex

within minutes of arriving and went on to do it in almost every room of the house. Howard then noted that things are still as hot as ever: the couple’s passion even managed to interrupt their favorite show (“The Bachelorette”) last night.

Bobo called in to ask if Howard had ever gone bareback with Beth in the heat of said passion, and Howard fessed up: “Once or twice…I might’ve been drunk of something.” Bobo also asked if Beth had any problem with the pre-nup, but Howard quickly dismissed the question: “Not at all.” Bobo’s questioning didn’t cease, forcing Howard to roll with the revelations: 1. Jackie wasn’t invited to the wedding, as Jackie doesn’t really have a relationship with Beth or – at this point – even Howard. 2. Howard is having the letter “B” tattooed on his finger in lieu of a ring.WILL LISA G TOSS FOR AN INVITE?Howard asked Lisa G if she would play Lord of the Anal Rings against Artie. The prize? An invitation to the Stern-Ostrosky wedding. But if she lost, she’d have to open up about the last guy she slept with. Lisa insisted that she should be invited anyway as a reporter for the Howard100 News, but Howard shot back that, by decree, Howard100 News’ reporters were now banned from the event. Lisa was hesitant: “I just don’t feel that comfortable playing Anal Ring Toss…I think it would be fun, but I’ll take a pass.” MEET A.J., MISS ANAL RINGSHoward welcomed A.J. Morgan, the Anal Ring Toss girl, to the studio and noted that she had been here before – with her old (real) boobs – to play Anal Ring Toss with the Iron Sheik. AJ told the crew that she’s come to love having sex with a butt plug inserted, but before she porn star Chester the Molester, she’d never even considered anal

sex. Howard wondered how AJ avoided “accidents” while filming an anal scene, so she explained that she’ll go get a “professional anal douche,” an hour-long multi-

douche process, also known as an enema. AJ further claimed she could lactate on demand, which Howard obviously wanted to see, so AJ promptly gave Sal’s coffee a couple squirts.
Steve the Host of the Intern Show came in to play against Artie, so Howard gave him his terms: a win

will get him a wedding invitation, but if he loses, he’ll have to take ten strong whiffs of Sal’s recently evacuated ass. Steve refused the terms, so Howard

turned to to Will and Jason: both also declined to accept. Richard then came in and surprised no one by accepting the terms –

but only if his girlfriend could come along as his date to the wedding. Howard agreed and told AJ to “prepare the playing field,” adding that AJ would announce each successful toss with a queef.THE ONE TRUE LORD OF THE ANAL RINGSArtie made 3 out of 7 tosses, but Richard quickly trumped him, making his first four tosses in a row. Howard congratulated Richard on his win – and prize – but Richard promised to go through with his punishment anyway: “I know everyone’s disappointed.” Sal then bent over and Richard burrowed in with his nose and began sniffing. Richard began gagging and yelling, “Sal’s flexing that hemorrhoid. It’s the most vile thing I’ve ever seen.” AJ went in for a whiff as well, and when she got close, Sal tried to fart but went a little too far.

JOAN RIVERS TAKES ON ICE T’S WHOLE FAMILYJoan Rivers stopped by to promote her appearance on tonight’s “Celebrity Family Feud” and told the crew that she was also being followed by cameras for a documentary. Howard wondered if the documentary’s year-long, 24-7 shooting schedule was expensive, so the documentarian, Ricki Stern (no known relation), came in to explain that she had adequate funding after being “shortlisted” for an Academy Award.

Joan laughed that her family had a great time facing off against Ice T’s family in “Celebrity Family Feud,” but Howard was more interested in the Giffords’ upcoming episode: “You know what would be good? The Giffords against the family of the woman Frank cheated with.” Howard then asked Joan if she had any memories of George Carlin, but Joan reminisced about their days as struggling stand-up contemporaries down in the Village.JOAN’S TOP FIVE COMEDIANSHoward asked Joan to list her top 5 comedians, and Joan ripped ‘em off: “Number one: Lenny Bruce. No question. Second, in my head: Richard Pryor. Then would come…Dame Edna. On the same line would go [George] Carlin and then Robin Williams,” even though she had some issues with him. Howard wondered if Joan had ever slept with Lenny Bruce, so Joan lamented that he’d made a pass at her, but she was too stupid to take him up on it. On their lone date, Lenny fell asleep in his drink.



Joan told the crew that she still couldn’t figure out why she was kicked off the “Loose Women” chat show in England, explaining that she’d even warned them about the language she was about to use: “On radio they have seven seconds of delay…I said: ‘Prepare to bleep.’” Howard then asked after Joan’s late dog, and Joan told the crew that she was so desperate to save the ailing pup, she tried to “lay her hands” on it like a faith healer. The subject was obviously sensitive, as Joan began crying.JOAN’S BEDS ARE ROCKINGJoan then took some ribbing after she admitting that she’d attempted to contact her dog – and ex-boyfriends – through a “medium.” Despite the crew’s doubts, Joan maintained that her late boyfriend Oren had visited her several times: “The bed shook in Los Angeles right after he died. The bed shook again in London. Very hard. And I was in New York and the bed shook again.” Howard wondered why Oren would come back just to shake her bed, and Joan confessed that he probably knew it’d been years since her bed had shaken at all. THE “TOS” TREKKIE COMMANDERA guy named Gary called in claiming to be the Commander of all the Star Trek fan clubs and, despite his nerdy hobby, a pretty normal guy: he’s 50, married with two children and employed as a security guard at a government facility. Robin asked if his whole family was into Star Trek, but Gary confessed they all thought his hobby was pretty nutty. Gary was particularly proud of his Star Trek costume contest victories, and Baba Booey quickly located a picture of Gary in full Trekkie regalia. Howard laughed: “I’m looking at a picture of you. Shame on you.”

Howard asked Gary if he ever liked to pretend he was guarding a Star Trek facility while at work, and Gary fessed up: “Sometimes when I’m in the elevator, I’ll say ‘Kirk to bridge.’” Robin and Artie were particularly amused by the guy’s propensity for referring to different Star Trek series with acronyms: TOS (the original series), DSN (Deep Space Nine) and TNG (The Next Generation). Gary then plugged his upcoming Star Trek convention appearances, leading Artie to joke: “Set your phasers to fun!”JD GETS STIFFEDAfter asking Artie to give the toast at his wedding, Howard wondered if he should ask JD too, as his toast was sure to be hilariously awkward. Howard laughed that JD was no stranger to staff events – he was once the coat check boy at one of Robin’s parties. JD came in to say that Robin didn’t pay him for the service: he was paid in tips, but didn’t make much money as a lot of the “higher-up” people didn’t tip. Gary commented that the non-tippers’ names were better left unsaid, and JD agreed, but not before outing Gary as one of the cheapskates. Shaq is happy that the Lakers lost the NBA Finals.
Julie Pritchett is the latest teacher to bang her underaged students.

• Everyone loved George Carlin.


Obama is beating McCain in the polls.

• The “pregnancy pact” schoolgirls are scary.

• Al Roker is hosting “Celebrity Family Feud.”
Pacman Jones is pissed at Imus.

• Spitzer’s whore is thankful.Howard and Robin bonded over their love Sirius’ Spa channel.


Howard played a message that Ed Asner left on Gary’s answering machine.



AJ Morgan wowed the crew with her rockin’ body.



AJ also referenced the greatest television show of all time.

was hesitant to take part in the Anal Ring Toss contest because of the “punishment” system: “If you win at the Olympics, you get the gold medal. If you lose, you lose.”

Howard said he wanted his wedding tux will be personally made by Tom Ford.



Howard gleefully reported on Imus’ latest gaffeTuesday’s Show