The rob-inator on the stern show – The Howard Stern Show

Date posted: April 2, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

THE ROB-INATOR ON THE STERN SHOW The Howard Stern Show for March 23, 2009

HOWARD’S AWKWARD VIEWING

After running through a few of and Richard’s latest Tradio prank calls, Howard reported about attending Natasha Richardson’s viewing over the weekend – complete with open casket – and it was “really hard.” Howard explained that Natasha’s husband, actor Liam Neeson, asked him to attend: “I get nervous going anywhere there’s gonna be famous people because I don’t know who I said shit about…the first person I saw was Matthew Broderick and I was like, ‘Uh-oh.’” Howard also noted how gruesome it was to see the paparazzi out in force at the funeral home.

ASS NAPKIN ED’S STIMULUS PACKAGE

Artie learned that backstage passes to one of his comedy shows were being sold on Ebay – and the seller was his “friend” Ass Napkin Ed. Artie was confused by the news, as Ed was really just selling his guest list ‘plus-one’ spots. Ed then called in to say he’d sell as many plus-ones he could – leading Howard to laugh that he never asked Artie in the first place. Artie promised Ed he could bring his friends (Goblin and Chester) and two more.

Ed continued to press his luck, asking if he, Goblin, Chester and the Ebay winners could eat some of the free food in Artie’s dressing room. Artie laughed: “Can you find out if Goblin or Chester have eating issues, like, can they eat meat?” Ed didn’t get the joke and asked: “Can Hanzi come?” Artie said yes. “Can he bring two people?” Artie just laughed: “Tell Hanzi to text me.” Hanzi did just that, texting Artie that he never asked to be included in this, adding that he couldn’t even get to the gig anyway.

SPEED HURLING IN FLORIDA

Artie told the crew about hanging with Bubba the Love Sponge crew and Hulk Hogan (including Hulk’s hot girlfriend: “She looks like a Playboy centerfold”) in Florida over the weekend. Artie said he also got nauseous from the plane ride, so he tried to eat something at McDonalds: “And I try to avoid the breakfast because it’s extra greasy.” Howard was surprised to hear of Artie’s restraint, but Artie confessed to breaking his rule (”I ate two bites of a sausage-and-egg biscuit.”) and learning his lesson: “It was like projectile vomit.” Artie explained they were in the car on the way from the airport to the hotel when he had open the door, lean out and let it go. He added that he was half expecting to hear the person in the car behind them at the time call in to tell the story this morning.

LISA MANIA IN THE STREETS

While Lisa G was in the studio with the Howard100 News headlines, HowardTV brought up some old footage of Lisa dancing on stage with her former co-worker, Ed Lover. Lisa explained that being a part of that show was fun, but the fans would sometimes chase her through the streets. Howard laughed at the thought of “Lisa Mania.”

Howard noted that Lisa used to call Ed Lover “DJ Watermelon” on the air – and remarked that the nickname was pretty racist. Lisa replied: “We had fun there.” Howard asked if Lisa had ever been asked out by any of the show’s black fans, so Lisa said rapper-turned-preacher Mase once asked her out, but she turned him down: “He was too young.”

RONNIE’S GOATEE UPDATE

Howard began discussing various elements of Ronnie the Limo Driver’s bizarre look, including his color coordinated shirts and over-dyed goatee. This brought Ronnie into the studio claiming he had just cut his goatee too short – which somehow makes it look darker. Ronnie then told the crew about hosting four “I Love You Man” contest winners at Rick’s Cabaret on Friday, where they enjoyed an unexpected bonus: porn star Gina Lynn was dancing.

ROB SCHNEIDER IS NOT ASHAMED

Rob Schneider came by to promote “Big Stan” (which is about a guy who becomes a kung fu master prior to going to prison in order to keep from being ass raped) and said he was disappointed that the film never saw a theater release: “The company that had [the rights] went bankrupt.” Howard repeatedly praised the film, and Rob thanked him: “I got tired of doing the studio system…I couldn’t do exactly what I want to do. So I said, ‘Let’s do exactly what I want to do.’” Robin asked if Rob would ever sell out and do a children’s movie, and he said he would: “Yeah, if I have to…there’s no agency keeping track of people’s integrity.”

BUT HE’S NO DAVID SPADE

Rob told the crew that he recently got divorced: “I got to keep the dog and she got all the money.” Howard asked if the marriage broke up over infidelity, so Rob joked: “No. You’re confusing me with David Spade.” Rob went on to praise David’s ability to pull top-tier ass: “He’s put in his time…he’s got all the moves figured out.” Howard agreed with him

STEVEN SEAGAL IS A DEITY

Howard asked Rob to share one of his always-great Steven Seagal stories, and Rob indulged him, even doing a dead-on impression of Steven’s hushed voice: “He’s doing a movie with Keenan Ivory Wayans…[and] had just met with the Dalai Lama…the Dalai Lama had made him a deity. A god.” Seagal was bragging about the honor, saying, “‘In his wisdom, he decided to make me a deity…I feel a difference, an enlightenment.’” Rob laughed that a PA then interrupted Seagal, telling him he had to pick up his kids at his ex-wife’s house, and Seagal snapped: “You tell that f’ing c–t to bring those kids over here or I’ll break her f’ing neck!”

JEREMY IRONS IS A LITTLE STIFF

Howard asked Rob about his SNL days, so Rob cited Jeremy Irons as the worst “SNL” host ever: “He said a really funny thing to me. He said, ‘This isn’t funny, this is funny.’ And he just moved his fingers two inches over.” Rob also told the crew about hanging with Sylvester Stallone “He called me and said, ‘I want you to come to New England for six months and bang college chicks and make this movie. I’ll send you the script.’ And I’m like, ‘Just send me the ticket!’”