The war near the floor – The Howard Stern ShowWednesday,  November 12, 2008THE WAR NEAR THE FLOOR The Howard Stern Show for November 12, 2008HOWARD MIGHT PULL YOUR PLUGRobin started off the show saying that her mother wasn’t well. Howard gave Robin his condolences, adding that (when the time comes) he hoped his parents will die quickly: “They should live a long, healthy life and then go ‘Oh, I’m gone!’” Robin was mock-offended (”How dare you!”), so Howard explained himself, saying he didn’t want his parents to suffer on life support before they passed: “I’d pull the plug.”
INSULTING JD WILL GET YOU NOWHEREHaydn Porter called in to say she was now 20 and still dreamed of getting naked in-studio. Howard replied that she might be ready: “Are you ready for a Sybian ride?” Haydn said she would be willing to consider it, and added that she went to a Killers of Comedy event over the weekend and tried to apologize to JD for previously saying he looked like the Toxic Avenger. Haydn complained that JD blew her off, but Howard thought JD’s actions were totally justified: “Give the guy a break…its torture for a guy [to be insulted by a hot chick]…if you really felt bad, you wouldn’t have called in…it’s condescending. He’s not a charity case.”
WILL AND FRED FACE OFF, ROUND 3Will claimed Fred angrily threw a check at him in place of a belated wedding present this morning. Will added that he wasn’t going to cash Fred’s check: “I don’t want your money. Keep it…I really don’t need your money that bad.”

Fred replied that he didn’t “throw” anything at all, angrily or not and thought Will was letting his ego do the talking: “Call you wife and ask her if you can afford to turn down that money.” Will later admitted that he had misinterpreted some of Fred’s remarks and reported that two had resolved their differences.

CALL IN DEPRESSED, WIN A PRIZE! A caller named Raphael called in and started crying, saying he was dying: “It’s weird. You know how some people get lucky and get cancer and they die? I got no one on this planet.” Howard wondered if a game might brighten Raphael’s day, and he jumped at the chance: “Please make me play something!” Howard speculated that he should just give Raphael money outright, but he resisted: “Oh no you can’t do that! Please make me do something.”

DOES BIGFOOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE?Howard liked the game and decided to keep playing. The name prompts and Bigfoot’s answers are as follows:

Alec Baldwin? “I don’t have the foggiest idea.”

IS IT REESE’S OR REE-SEES?Howard tried the Reese’s Klondike Bar: “Oh my god. This is the greatest thing I’ve ever…you’ve gotta try this one. Wait till you taste the peanut butter. It’s like a peanut M&M but frozen.” Howard then tried the Caramel Pretzel Klondike Bar: “I could eat the whole thing in a minute. I wanna become fat so bad.”
Artie agreed: “These people are geniuses! This is extraordinary.” Howard then laughed at Gary’s mis-pronunciation of Reese’s as “ree-sees,” but Gary claimed it never happened. Fred quickly settled the argument with a clip of Gary saying “ree-sees.”
PASTOR MANNING ON MACKDADDIES, ETHICSPastor Jeremiah Manning called in to comment on his infamous “Obama is a long-legged mack daddy” sermon, saying he was glad the show enjoyed it. Howard asked how many people in his congregation were offended by it, so Pastor Manning said: “We have about a hundred [congregants]. A few white people. Fewer now…I’ve become more committed to speaking the truth I was speaking in that sermon…I’m against [Obama's presidency] with a capital A…he genuinely is not someone who believes in the Judeo-Christian ethic.”

RILEY MARTIN OUT-CRAZIES THE PASTORHoward asked Pastor Manning how he felt about Oprah, and the minister compared her power over the media to the Bible’s Anti-Christ prophecies. Riley Martin then called in to say that Obama’s presidency showed that the black community could still turn itself around, but Pastor Manning insisted that black people “get worse” every time a black person rises to power. Fred marveled at how Riley Martin might have out-crazied a professional crazy.
DEFENDING THEIR WHORE’S HONOR

Dennis Hof called in to defend the prostitutes that work at his Bunny Ranch, saying Natalie Maines was acting like a “Dixie Clit” when she called them whores. Howard took Natalie’s side, as she was just pointing out that the Bunny Ranch girls stood to gain from their appearance/mentions on the show. Eric the Midget also called in to echo Dennis’ sentiments, leading Dennis to claim that the girls had really liked Eric – they just won’t bang him anymore now that they’d been called frauds by Natalie.
Artie consoled Eric: “Listen Eric, if they won’t do it, you can always go f’ yourself.” Eric said “No one is using me at that ranch,” but Howard thought Eric was being illogical: “Natalie Maines thinks you’re being used, and in response that girl is not giving you sex? She’s punishing you for what someone else said? You can’t blame Natalie for that.” Eric replied that “It was like saying there’s no Santa Claus. It made them look bad.” Robin laughed: “Does that make Santa Clause stop giving gifts?” Howard then demanded a test of Eric’s theory: a Bunny Ranch girl sleeps with him without any on-air plugs or mentions.
BEETLEJUICE WILL PUT YOU TO BED

Beetlejuice stopped by with Dominic the Midget to promote their upcoming “Battle of the Bowels” boxing match. Beet promised: “If he wants to go to the hospital, I’ll send him to the hospital.” Howard thought Beet had let himself go too much to deliver on his threats: “You’ve put on a little weight…I think Dominic [has the edge].”

Beet repeated the claim he made a few months ago that the shit that frequently shows up in his pants is put there by Dom, so Dom segued into an explanation of the match’s name: “The winner gets to shit in the other’s pants.”

The pair then took turns showing the crew the moves they planned to use in the bout. Beet got pissed when Dom punctuated his shadow punches with trash talk: “Oh yeah? He’s going to bed…he’s going to be going to the hospital tonight.

Watch me! First punch? He’s going to bed.” Howard asked Beet why he was crying, so Beet explained: “That’s water! That’s nothing!

He’s going to bed tonight and that’s why he knows it.” Richie and Will reported that Beet smelled like he might’ve shat his pants, but Beet denied it: “Ain’t nothing down there…ain’t no crap in my pants.”

IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWSRolling Stone has release a list of the greatest singers of the rock era.
Jennifer Aniston is still shooting barbs at Angelina Jolie in the media.
Arthur Shawcross is finally dead.
Adam Sandler will be starring in a Disney movie.
“Dancing with the Stars” is down to the final four.
The “Big Three” car companies are in trouble.
Yesterday was Veteran’s Day.
Bruce Springsteen will debut his new song during halftime of this weekend’s Sunday Night Football.

Howard told Artie that he never should’ve accepted second billing to Seth Green on last night’s Conan O’Brien show.
Howard took Rolling Stone to task for waiting until this year to put AC/DC on the cover.
Steve Langford reported that Jim Florentine was at Sirius the other day but not on the Stern show. Robin had no comment.
Beetlejuice got boxing tips from a Sal and Richard-manned soundboard of
Leon Spinks clips.
Howard noted that Sirius XM have now partially merged their channel offerings.
Artie said Conan will finish his Late Night show in February, take a break to move to LA and then start his Tonight Show hosting duties in June.
Howard went over the list of rules Madonna made up for Guy Ritchie when he has custody of their children.
Yucko the Clown called in to plug his appearance on HowardTV’s “Wack Pack Weekend at the Christy’s Farm.”
Howard played a clip of Lindsay Lohan calling President-elect Obama, “colored.”Wednesday’s Show