Thursday,  December 11, 2008IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH The Howard Stern Show for December 11, 2008IS THE END IN SIGHT?Howard took a call from someone who asked if Howard planned on re-signing his contract with Sirius when it ends in two years. Howard explained he was pleased to do the best radio of his life, but thought he would be done at the contract’s conclusion: “This is my swan song.” Howard added that he looked forward to just spending his days with Beth and believed she felt the same way.
Gary came in to ask if Howard was being real, and Howard confirmed he was: “I feel strongly about it. If I could work out a deal with Sirius where I work on my own terms, I’d think about it.” Howard said he’d recently received a lot of other offers, but they don’t interest him: “If I wasn’t with this group, I’m done. If this is done, I’m done.”

K.C. ARMSTRONG IS MEDICATED, PATIENT

K.C. Armstrong called in to wish everyone a happy holiday and note that he was currently taking “8 or 9″ pills every morning, including: Depakote (for seizures: “I got a head injury. I got hit in the head.”), Lexapro and Viagra. K.C. then revealed that he was still arranging college girl escorts for simple guys and working as a personal trainer.
Artie told a story about planning to meet up with K.C. in LA. Artie hooked up with a girl and brought her back to his hotel room where they proceeded to do all kinds of things – including a bath. In the middle of this, K.C. and his girlfriend showed up at his hotel and kept calling him. After waiting two hours in the lobby, K.C. sent up a note that included a Viagra tab. Artie said they had already done it 3 times when the note arrived and the Viagra helped them keep going even longer.
ERIC THE [NEEDY] MIDGET Eric the Midget called in so Howard played a message Eric had left on Johnny Fratto’s machine – in the message, Eric tries to shake Johnny down for a new Blackberry. Eric repeated that he just wanted “somebody” to buy him the phone, but Howard thought Eric was being evasive: “Who else listens to Johnny’s messages? You’re talking to Johnny.” Johnny called in to say the message was disturbing: “F’ no. No Blackberry.” Johnny added that he heard the Bunny Ranch whores who banged Eric looked like they were headed to the Auschwitz gas chambers as they walked him to their room: “All they needed was shaved heads.” Gary came in to confirm Johnny’s account, saying Eric’s demands have soured his relationship with the Ranch.NO MORE MIDGET SEX, PLEASEGary also reported that Eric recently tried to bill a limo (for the ride from the airport to the Bunny Ranch) to Johnny – without Johnny’s knowledge – and Eric confessed that his need to have sex again has consumed him: “The fact that it’s been over a month is making me go a little crazy.”
Rich from the Bunny Ranch called in to say Eric has gone so far as to invite (and comp) himself over this weekend. Rich added that Eric even tried to convince a Sacramento stripper that he had to test her before she went to work at the Bunny Ranch. Howard demanded that Eric beg Rich to let this weekend’s trip continue as planned, and Eric obliged. Rich was still unsure: “I can’t make that decision today. I’m livid.

SAL IS A PISSER…NOT A PISSEE

Sal presented a new parody song titled “Oh Piss On Me” (to the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree”), which led Howard to wonder if Sal had ever actually asked a woman to do that to him. Sal confessed: “I can’t. I’m married…I like that it’s so wrong. It’s so dirty. It’s so taboo…[but] I personally don’t like the idea of being peed on. I wouldn’t object to it if the girl was hot enough, but I don’t like the idea of it.”

MISS HOWARDTV JANUARY

Howard welcomed Arbor Marie, January’s Miss HowardTV, and reported that the staff had discovered her at the new Rick’s in Vegas.

Howard told Arbor she was in great shape, and she claimed that “dancing for a living” for two years had kept her fit. Howard asked Arbor if she’d ever been with a girl, so she described an encounter she had with a fitness model: “Her man was there, but he didn’t get involved…it was totally about the girls.”

Arbor told the crew that she’d never had anal sex: “I’ve never gone all the way…I’m willing to try with the right guy.” When Arbor turned around to show what that right guy would get, Artie was sold: “Holy shit…she’s got the perfect body.”

Arbor also stripped off her top and impressed Artie with her 36Ds. Howard was enthusiastic: “You’re a hot piece of ass. There’s no question about it.”

GANGE SNEAKS A PEEKGange came in to say he accidentally walked in on Arbor as she was getting dressed: “And she had a really pretty vagina. You have to see it.” Being a good sport, Arbor gave the crew a flash and Howard agreed with Gange’s assesment: “Wow. That is nice. What makes that nice?” Gange wasn’t sure: “I don’t know but it’s really cute.” Artie laughed: “That’s one of the nicer ones we’ve ever seen.”

MIKE WALKER’S GOSSIP GAME

Howard got Mike Walker from The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play The Gossip Game, in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has pick the fake. Mike then read this week’s stories:
1. Jerry Seinfeld had a brain scan to prove he was just as in love with his wife as they day they met, but his wife refused to return the favor.
2. Rosie O’Donnell refused to take ABC executives’ input on her recent attempt to re-launch her daytime talk show.
3. Michael Jackson is shopping for $30 million homes in LA – despite being broke.

Howard was surprised to learn that Lisa G was selling her charity cookies for $28, so Lisa came in to explain that they were handmade, “handpainted” and only used all-natural ingredients: “They’re so delicious. They’re so beautiful.” Lisa there was only one Lisa cookie in the tin, while the others feature things from her life, like her cat Lucky, a musical note and a cello. Howard and Robin still thought the pricepoint seemed like a bit much.

President-elect Obama will use his full name, “Barack Hussein Obama,” when he’s inaugurated. Patty Blagojevich is as foul mouthed as her husband. Onstar has new tech that fights high speed chasesA scientist has created a robot wifeYour genes could be telling you to reach for those French fries. Anal sex is on the rise among teens!Scores is dead – Rest in peace old friend. Jimmy Fallon is previewing his upcoming late night show on the Internet. Les Moonves is not impressed by NBC moving Jay Leno to 10pm.
John Stamos wants to remake “Full House.”Ashley Simpson can’t sell her baby’s pictures
A third of Americans believe UFOs are realNo charges will be filed in the trampling death of a Wal-Mart employeeThe Golden Globe nominees have been announcedSome rare Star Wars memorabilia is being auctioned off.

Yucko sent in a new Artie song: “Artie the Big Fat Liar.”
Shuli reported that Lisa G has been approached to sell her used underwear on the internet.
Robin referenced the schoolgirl knuckleballer who recently signed with a Japanese baseball team.
The gang discussed Ken Mink, the 73-year-old college basketball player
For comparison’s sake, Fred played Stuttering John and John Travolta’s versions of “Summer Lovin” back-to-back.
Howard told the story behind his “Son of the Beach” deal.
Artie estimated that Julia Louis Dreyfus’ “Seinfeld” royalties were much higher than his “MadTV” royalties.
Howard played a clip of Artie’s appearance on “The Best Damn Sports Show.”

Thursday’s Show