Date posted: December 16, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008PENTHOUSE DELIVERS YET AGAIN The Howard Stern Show for December 16, 2008LENO PLAYS SAFEHoward started off the show mocking Jay Leno, who recently said in an interview that he thought Howard was no longer relevant. Howard laughed that he was surprised to hear Jay accuse him of being irrelevant when he continues to “borrow” the show’s material. Robin referenced the time Jay asked Hugh Grant about patronizing a prostitute as the one time Jay had ever pushed the envelope on his own, but Howard dismissed the incident, as Jay’s move was more safe than edgy.
ERIC THE MIDGET SOUNDS GREAT
Howard played some clips from the Maryanne from Brooklyn Christmas Special in which Maryanne talked with Eric the Midget. In the clip, Eric said his favorite Christmas memory was sharing the day with his father’s family.
Eric the Midget then called in to say he thought he sounded great on the show. Howard laughed that Eric also thought his “American Idol” commentary shows sounded great, and Eric missed the point, promising to broadcast his commentary shows again when “American Idol” returns in January.SAL SELLS PANTIES, WRAPS COLOGNE
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Lisa G came in with the headlines, and Howard laughed that Lisa was now using the c-word. Lisa admitted the story was true: “Lisa [Lampanelli] told me to.” Robin thought the language was uncharacteristic: “That’s not you.” Lisa then reported that Sal the Stockbroker was thinking about selling his wife’s panties on the Internet. Sal came in to explain that some guy approached him and he’s thinking about buying a pair and just saying they were Christine’s.
Sal said he almost strangled his wife last night after discovering that she’d bought his children (ages 7 and 9) $32 a bottle cologne for Christmas. Howard thought the gift was really intended for Christine’s emotional friend (there was only one bottle, but she said she had gotten cologne for both boys): “And you wrapped it for her!” Robin agreed. Sal was dismayed: “I can’t understand the concept of a 7-year-old wearing cologne!” Fred joked that Sal should check to make sure Christine’s not giving the kids condoms as well.
YOU WON’T STRAY FROM A PORN STAR
Howard welcomed Taya Parker, the Penthouse Pet of the Year for 2009, and porn star/Penthouse Pet of the Month Teagan Presley. Howard told Teagan she was too hot to be a porn star and asked Taya how she was discovered.
Taya said she started as an exotic dancer and eventually sent some pictures into Penthouse. Both girls said they were into anal sex, which led Howard to speculate that men would be happier with uninhibited girls like them. Teagan said he was right: “[They're] less likely to stray.”
Teagan told the crew that she was really into rough sex, including slapping and hair-pulling – she doesn’t even like foreplay. Howard asked if she could orgasm without any foreplay, and Teagan reported that she could: “I once set a record.
23 orgasms in one session…I was tired.” Howard then turned to Taya and asked if she gave private dances, she said she used to, but now she just usually does burlesque-type performances.
JD ENJOYS A STRIPPER TRICK
Taya wanted to show the crew her special lapdance “trick,” so JD came in and sat down while Taya did a handstand and arched her back so her crotch was in his face.
Howard didn’t even know how to describe the stunt, so Teagan stepped in: “It’s a back bend with her pussy in his face.” JD was a fan of the trick: “She’s a got a great ass. I loved it in my face.” Taya then said she once danced for a guy and he had an “accident” in less than 15 seconds.
Howard asked if Taya had ever danced for any celebrities, so she listed Kid Rock, Pam Anderson and Harrison Ford. Taya said Kid and Pam were fun but when she and some friends danced for Harrison Ford, he was kind of mean to them. Howard wondered if the girls were popular in high school, but Teagan denied it, saying she moved around too much to have many friends.
GIRL-GIRL PORN IS NOT HARDCORE
Teagan noted that she wasn’t doing guy-girl porn any more due to a child custody battle – she’s only doing girl-girl, because “it’s not hardcore” – but, based on a past performance, was up for an AVN Award: Best Anal Sex Scene.
Teagan impressed Artie by reporting that the scene in question featured some rough anal sex – and some organic extra virgin olive oil for lube.
Howard wondered if Teagan could orgasm from anal sex, and she claimed she could.
THE SYBIAN FAILS TWICE OVER
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Jeff the Drunk called in ask that Taya take a Sybian ride, and she was game, so Gary came in and picked up the controls.
Taya didn’t seem to enjoy the experience: “My teeth are chattering…I gotta tell you, it’s making me numb…I don’t like it!” The gang then tried to get Teagan to jump on, but she resisted: “I don’t really come from clitoral stimulation.”
MR.ASHLEE SIMPSON
Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz stopped by to promote the band’s new album and Howard told him how much he liked his wife, Ashlee Simpson: “Better than that other one. Her sister.” Pete laughed: “Yeah, me too.” Robin asked if the paparazzi was a pain, and Pete admitted it was: “It becomes dangerous and annoying…we’ll [go] an hour out of the way [and use] a diversion tactic to avoid them.” Howard asked if Pete became a tabloid target before or after marrying Ashlee, so Pete laughed it was definitely all about Ashlee: “I’m kind of like a purse for my wife.”
Pete told the crew that he had been a pretty wild kid: he used to take a lot of hallucinogens, was sent away to a “boot camp” reform school by his parents and once got drugged up on Ambien and played Russian roulette: “You’re on Ambien so it’s like a cartoon. It’s like the minute before you bungee jump or get on a plane.” Howard didn’t think getting on planes was so hard, but Pete explained he struggled with anxiety so severely that he couldn’t travel on planes for years after Fall Out Boy first broke.
AMBIEN BLOCKS LINDSAY LOHAN
Howard asked Pete what it was like to date Michelle Trachtenberg, but Pete would only say, “She’s a nice girl,” adding that Michelle dumped him during his hard-partying days. Howard noted that Pete also dated Lindsay Lohan, and Pete confessed that “I don’t feel like we ever dated…I was so deep in Ambien-land, I don’t think any of that connection ever happened.”
PETE ON JOE SIMPSON & ASHLEE’S NOSE
Howard asked how Pete and Ashlee got together, so Pete said he did an interview with Rolling Stone and admitted he had a crush on her. Later, he met her at a party and though they were fast friends, they were with other people at the time. They didn’t get together until much later. Howard asked if Pete met her before or after her nosejob, and Pete answered: “I met her pre.” Pete then laughed that when he first met Ashlee’s dad, Joe Simpson, he told him, “Pete, we saw a little too much of you on the Internet last year.”
SHE LIKES HER HUSBAND TO HAVE FUN
Pete told the crew that Ashlee was really curious about the times he used to beat off to her pictures: “She loves it. She was like, ‘What were you thinking about?’…I mean, I’ll probably get in trouble for this.” Pete said it was much better when he finally bedded her: “It was the single greatest sexual experience of my life. We were in the Soho Grand. There was a mirror there and I was looking in it and said to myself: ‘You’re banging the girl of your dreams and watching it right now.’” A caller then asked if Ashlee was into anal sex, but Pete just smiled: “My wife likes me to have some fun.”
Snoop Dogg is selling his woodshed on EbayMadonna gave Guy Ritchie $75 million in their divorce settlementMore people would choose the Internet over sexYou can now tour the site of Gianni Versace’s death
A Florida hospital’s music therapy room has been named after AC/DC’s Brian JohnsonCaroline Kennedy is being seriously considered for Hillary Clinton’s old Senate seat.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich refuses to step down.
Dick Cheney says torture is valuableDubai will soon be home to the world’s first refrigerated beach“Momma’s Boys” is full of crazy mothers
Howard referenced Richie Rich.
Steve Langford reported that Pig Virus/Vomit is the new Program Director for Chicago’s WGNPete Wentz denied ever dating Nicole Richie.
Teagan Presley told the crew how she tore her implants open during her Penthouse shoot.
Howard was very impressed with some of Taya’s pictures on her Website.
Howard and Artie poured over Carmen Electra latest Playboy pictorial
The crew discussed the secret video footage of Antonio Pierce in a strip club
Eric the Midget said he thought the changes in store for “American Idol” were a good thing.
Howard wondered if High Pitch Mike was really gay or just lonely.
Howard read a story about Ashton Kutcher being an annoying football coachIs Jay Leno for real?Tuesday’s Show%7Cutmcsr%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fhowardstern.com%2Frundown.hs%7Cutmcmd%3Drss%3B%2B)
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