Tuesday,  February 3, 2009DAVID BRENNER COMES CLEAN The Howard Stern Show for February 3, 2009HOWARD OFFICIALLY DISLIKES FACEBOOK

Howard opened the show this morning noting he now “officially disliked” Facebook. After discussing it yesterday, he received ten thousand friend requests: “And then I ‘friended’ Jillian Barbarie, and that led to a ton more…even though it turned out to only be a fan page. I thought I was contacting Jillian.” As an aside, Howard picked Sandra Taylor as the world’s most desirable friend: “She has hot pictures of herself, and then when you’re done looking at her pictures, she’s got hot friends.”
Howard then attacked Mike Gange for updating his Facebook page during work hours and for his near-constant/douche-y status updates, like “Mike is on his way to Queens” and “Mike is exhausted.” Artie asked why Mike didn’t make the status updates in first person, so Howard and Mike explained that it wasn’t an option. Howard then complained about the pointless yet undeniable impulse to be witty on the site: “No one’s paying me on Facebook.”

CHRISTIAN BALE IS EXCITABLE

The crew listened to Christian Bale’s already-infamous on-set freakout – and then played a long clip that isolated all the “F’s.” A caller explained that the studio sent the clip to their insurance company because Christian threatened to quit the movie (and halt production) if the Director of Photography (and target of his tirade) wasn’t fired if he interrupted him again. Artie understood: “Oh so they could sue Christian if he quit.”

ERIC THE MIDGET IS A BIG DRAW

Howard took Eric the Midget’s call for the first time in a couple weeks, (Artie mused: “Time flies when you’re having fun.”) but the little guy just complained and yelled at Fred for playing audio clips over him. Eric then speculated that he would sell 200-400 tickets to his next appearance. However, when Howard asked how many he had sold to date, Eric admitted they’d only sold two so far. After Howard and Robin grilled him further, Eric revealed that he hoped Johnny Fratto would be snapping up the remaining 198-398 tickets.
“JUST EAT HEALTHY, DOPEY”A caller complained about having to look at Jason during HowardTV’s Sybian segments, so Jason came in to defend himself: “Alright! I get it dude – I’m fat and ugly and gross.” Howard wondered how Jason’s wife stayed skinny, but Jason demurred: “Let’s just say I’m not a good influence on people.” Sal then came in with a measuring tape and measured out 56.5″ under Jason’s belt – and 60″ above. Ralph called with some simple advice: “Just eat healthy, dopey.”

…AND ROUND 2 WITH SUSIE STALKER

Howard decided to give another caller a chance at the game, and picked up Susie, who turned out to be the chick from last week who wanted to date JD. Susie said she’d sent in some pictures of herself, so HowardTV brought them up on the in-studio monitors. Benjy thought she was attracted, but JD came in to say he was worried about Susie being weird, telling her, “Now that you’ve called in twice, I’m really not interested.” Howard then moved on and allowed Susie her chance at The Britney Stevens Game:
What country do Chinese people come from? Susie predicted that Britney would know the answer, and was right: “China!”
Who is Bruce Wayne’s alter-ego? Ignoring Robin’s advice, Susie said Britney would space out – and was right again: “Robin?”
How many playing cards are there in a deck? Susie guessed that Britney would drop the ball – and won the cash: “28?”

BRITNEY STEVENS GAMEA caller named Steven wanted to play a game, so Howard gave him a shot at $500 if he could successfully make it through a round of The Britney Stevens Game. Howard explained that Sal asked the lisping porn star a series of questions, and Steven had to guess whether or not she would get the right answers, to win the cash. Howard told Steven that three out of five takes the prize and started in with the clips:
Where is your cranium located? Steven didn’t think Britney would know the answer, but Howard decided her answer – “In your skull?” – was good enough.
What is the capital of California? Steven predicted that Britney would know the capital of her home state. He was wrong: “Um, USA?”
What is 10% of 100? Steven thought Britney could do simple math – and struck out. Britney answered with a question: “50?” Steven was upset: “What a dumb ho! God!”

THE 9 YEAR MARGIN OF ERROR

David Brenner stopped by to promote his upcoming comedy tour and told the crew he was having a hard time getting booked on “The Tonight Show.” Despite the fact that he knows Jay personally – Jay will tell him: “Oh I gotta check with the staff.” Howard laughed that David was also there to admit he’d been lying about his age for years – but everyone knew that anyway: “By the way, Gilbert Gottfried is coming in next week to admit he’s Jewish.”
David said he decided to chop 9 years off his age back when he was touring colleges so the 20-year-old students wouldn’t think he was over 30. It proved to be a big mistake: “I should’ve done 10. Every time I was asked my age, I had to do math.” Howard asked for the current number, and David fessed up: “The next birthday – which is very close to now – you’ve got me nervous…tomorrow I’m gonna be, um – give me a chance – I’m gonna be, um, 73.”

David noted that he even has phony IDs for his 64-year-old self: “September 11th screwed this up…it used to cost me three dollars on 6th Avenue.” Howard asked if David was going to retire now that he’s (admitted to being) older, but David denied it: “No! I’m going out on tour…I’m gonna go all over the country. Maybe for a year.” Howard also wondered if David was still satisfied by his wife, former figure skater Tai Babalonia, so David claimed their sex life was fabulous: “I’ll tell you what fabulous is. After you orgasm, you don’t wanna beat the shit out of her.”

Joe Torre is coming to New York to sign his controversial new bookLawrence Taylor has joined the cast of “Dancing with the Stars.”Kobe scored 61 points last nightA low-budget Super Bowl commercial is winning awards and prizesBritney Spears can’t tour without her childrenJennifer Hudson will perform at the upcoming NAACP Image AwardsChina is angry at Miley Cyrus……and India is upset with “Slumdog Millionaire.”Nick Hogan is back behind the wheelAshton Kutcher is defending Michael PhelpsJoe Francis got arrested againSome dude wants to have another baby with Halle BerryRoman Polanski’s attempts to have his statutory rape conviction turned over have failedNorth Korea is going to test a long-range missle capable of hitting the USHoward played Flo Rida’s new song, “Right Round.”
David Brenner referenced “The Picture of Dorian Gray.”
Howard read a story about porn interrupting Super Bowl coverage in ArizonaYucko called in to make fun of everyone’s Facebook pages.
Gary showed Howard the leaked nude photos of Santonio Holmes. Artie speculated that Santino was 9″ flaccid and Howard agreed: “And wide as a beer can!”
Gary noted that Shawn Bagwell has really held up well.
HowardTV’s Mike Gange told Howard that he thought the new redhead on “24″ is hot. Scott DePace got a lot of crap for his Facebook page too.Tuesday’s Show