Date posted: December 17, 2008

Wednesday,  December 17, 2008IT’S ALL ABOUT DAVE The Howard Stern Show for December 17, 2008THE INTERN GAME PICKER

Artie started off the show saying he didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, but he’s been getting gambling picks from an intern – and today, when he opened his bagel, there was a note inside that said Packers +4: “It’s interesting that he thinks it’s such a lock.”

Artie noted that the kid had already called one game correctly, so he’s tempted to put money down. Artie then started in on the sausage and peppers his mother had made for him and he had heated up at home before making the 11 minute drive to the studio.

BENJY IS LATE, HUNGRY

About 15 minutes into the show, Howard noticed that Benjy was absent and wondered what he’d been up to last night. Artie thought it probably had more to do with Benjy’s hunger strike: “I’m telling you guys, yesterday he almost fainted on me.” Benjy eventually came in about an hour late and apologized, explaining that he’d overslept. Howard asked Benjy if he’d eaten yet, and Benjy confessed that he had, but only sparingly: “I had a little seaweed, an apple and a carrot.” Howard then ordered Benjy to discontinue his fast, calling it ridiculous.
SAL’S ULTERIOR MOTIVESHoward played a clip from yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show of Sal pitching a bit in which the show’s staff all bring in their wives’ panties and then, blindfolded, try to identify their spouses’ underwear by smell. Sal came in to defend himself, saying he’s never had a panty fetish – though he has been busted sniffing panties in the past. Sal added that he thought it would be funny if Howard correctly matched the panties with their owners. No one else seemed to agree.

ASS NAPKIN ED MOVES IN

Ass Napkin Ed called in to say he was trying to sell his ass napkins on Ebay, but the site’s administrators keep taking his auctions down. Howard asked what else Ed was up to, so Ed said he’d actually been talking with Howard in his head: “[You told me] to go sit in the bathtub.” Howard told Ed that he wasn’t really in his head, but Ed didn’t believe it. Ed then asked if he could park the camper he plans to buy in Artie’s beach-house driveway, but Artie said no.
Howard gave Ed the opportunity make a little cash by playing The Beetlejuice Game, promising him $500 if he could correctly guess which questions Beet would answer correctly: Who is Saint Nick? Ed didn’t think Beet would know the answer, but Beet had it down: “Saint Nick is f’ing Santa! Think I don’t know that shit?”
What holiday do the Jews celebrate during Christmas? Ed correctly guessed that Beet would get it wrong: “Who gives an f’ about Jews?”
Name this tune [David Bowie and Bing Crosby's version of "Little Drummer Boy" plays]. Ed knew Beet had no chance, and true to form, Beet’s answer was impossible to understand.
What is the drink served during Christmas made with egg and milk? Ed again predicted that Beet would mess up, but Beet was on point: “What? That’s egg-nog, moron.”
What is the name of the plant people kiss under during Christmas? Ed correctly guessed that Beet would blow it: “I know what that is. It’s an f’ing reindeer kiss.”
DAVE ATTELL CAN’T WINDave Attell stopped by to promote his upcoming stand at Caroline’s and Howard immediately asked if he was going to film a second season of his “Gong Show” remake. Dave said he’d wanted to do a totally different/Stern-style version on “The Gong Show,” but the producers just wanted a funnier (and more “roast-like”) take – which bombed. Dave also blamed the show’s failure on “a bad summer for television” and “that dolphin Michael Phelps.”
Dave told the crew that he auditioned for the same part in “The Wrestler” that Artie had, leading Artie to laugh that they were the only two comedians who didn’t make it into the film.

Howard asked what it was like to work with other comedians on a film, so Dave laughed it was hard to work with Norm MacDonald, as he found it impossible to out-improvise him. Howard tried a more direct approach, asking if Dave had a hard time working with his ex, Sarah Silverman, but Dave handled the question diplomatically: “Everything was totally cool.”
ATTELL’S LATEST ROLE: A MUSTACHEDave said he recently signed on to be the voice of John Oates’ (of Hall & Oates) mustache in an animated series called “J-stache,” in which John wants to settle down but his mustache wants to live a rock-n-roll lifestyle. Howard asked how the project came to fruition, so Dave again cited the odd power of Norm MacDonald. Dave added that he hoped it worked out, as he’s broke after losing all his money on the stock market: “It’s very hard. I [had to do] a gig in Kansas City and it was a bloodbath.”
Oprah is taking “Oprah Winfrey Presents…” to HBOJay Leno is out of touchThe Entertainment Tonight Hot List is outA Cleveland woman had a face transplantPresident Elect Obama is Time’s Person of the YearRomantic comedies are full of liesLots of famous people died this yearYou can now go to Rock-N-Roll Fantasy Camp with your heroesWill Smith is starring in “Seven Pounds.”They finally found the guy who killed John Walsh’s sonColonoscopies might not be as effective as previously thoughtThe Screen Actor’s Guild might not strike.
Howard reported that Artie ate two cupcakes, a bagel and a full plate of sausage and peppers within the first hour of the show.
Howard referenced Robert Kline’s classic comedy records
Artie and Dave Attell discussing the incredible success of Jeff Dunham. Dave pitched a show that combined Mystery Science Theater 3000 with old porn films. Jamie Foxx stopped by just as the show was ending.
Howard cited Robert Plant’s “I’m in the Mood” as one of his favorite workout songs.
Artie warned the crew about the dangers of Xanax: “There’s no Subutex for that.”
Howard noted that former “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch has written him from prison.
Artie said Tom Cruise was crazy on Letterman last night.
Howard reprimanded a caller for ruining the outcome of “The Biggest Loser” for him.Wednesday’s Show