Wednesday,  February 4, 2009JOHNNY KNOXVILLE BROKE HIS PENIS The Howard Stern Show for February 4, 2009ROBIN’S COLONICS MAKE PAGE SIXHoward started off the show reading a Page Six article from today’s paper about Robin’s 90lb weight loss. Howard wondered how some of the more personal details got to Page Six, so Robin explained that it likely came from James, the writer of the diet book she followed to lose weight: “Now I know when I talk to him, I’m talking to Page Six.” Howard was miffed by the betrayal, and Robin confessed that she felt “a little invaded.”
Later, Lisa G came in to report that she’d spoken with James and his official statement was: “No comment.” Howard repeated that Robin had only told the details that turned up in Page Six to James, but Robin refused to explicitly throw the guy under the bus, instead offering a stonewall of her own: “No comment.”JD NEEDS TO NETWORK

Howard again asked JD why he turned down Susie, the caller who asked him out, so JD came in to say he originally planned on ignoring her: “I wasn’t going to say anything, but she had to call in or whatever.” Howard thought JD should be to any woman who shows even the slightest bit of interest in him, no matter what they looked like, but JD disagreed with the characterization: “I’m not just into perfect chicks with fake tits or whatever…I thought I was being nice.” Robin thought JD should’ve tried to use Susie for her hot friends: “You’re not networking.”HOWARD FIGHTS HIS THERAPISTHoward reported that he got into an argument with his therapist yesterday: “I said, ‘You want me to feel shit, but I don’t feel anything.’ And he said, ‘Try to feel your way through it.’” Robin asked if Howard could maintain the progress he’s made without therapy, so Howard confessed that he could not: “I’d forget everything within a day.”K.C. HAS A SCHEME FOR YOUK.C. Armstrong called in to say he was a “franchise owner” of some kind of get-rich-quick scheme involving a health insurance-style structure for legal services: “It’s a legal pyramid. You know what a pyramid scheme is?” K.C. promised: “If you get one person to come in, you get your money back.” Dominic Barbara called in to say K.C.’s scheme was illegal: “You can’t define something as a pyramid scheme.” BIGFOOT IS UPSET AGAINBigfoot called in to say he was doing “Not very good it is…and there’s foods I can’t even eat.” Howard struggled through one of Bigfoot’s nonsensical rants for a while before finally figuring out that Bigfoot was suffering from gastritis. Robin was also able to parse something about Bigfoot’s friend falling and hitting his head. Bigfoot continued ranting and issuing legal threats for a few minutes, but eventually Howard got tired of it and hung up.

MORE OF THE BRITNEY STEVENS GAME

Howard gave a couple callers a shot at $500 if they could successfully make it through a round of The Britney Stevens Game. Howard explained that Sal asked the young porn star a series of questions, and if the callers could correctly guess whether or not she’d know the answer, they’d win the cash. Howard said the callers must get three out of five to take the prize and started in with the clips:
How many planets are in our solar system? The first caller didn’t think she’d get it, but got it wrong. Britney knew the answer: “Nine.”
What does CD stand for? The caller correctly predicted that Britney would mess up: “Cassette disk?”

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE HAD STEVE-O COMMITTEDJohnny Knoxville stopped by to promote his new MTV show, “Nitro Circus,” and Howard told him he looked good – much better than the last time he came in (right after “Jackass 2″ had wrapped). Howard asked how Steve-O was doing, so Johnny said: “Fine! He’s been clean and sober since after we had him in 51-50′d…he’s done amazing.” Johnny told the crew that toward the end, Steve-O was doing a whole laundry list (including hundreds of Whip-it canisters) of drugs every day.

Johnny added that he had an easier time getting Steve-O into rehab than he thought the show would with Artie: “You better have some big dudes with you.” Howard asked how Johnny had succeeded in getting Steve to rehab, so he explained that a bunch of Steve’s friends decided to help – the last straw was Steve threatening to jump a mini-motorcycle from his apartment window onto the roof next door: “We got 7 or 8 or 9 big guys…I took the camera from him and said, ‘You’re going and we’re taking you.’”

A SINGLE JACKASS ROAMS HOLLYWOOD

Now that Johnny’s divorced, Howard finally got him to comment on all the celebrity women he’d been photographed with during his marriage: “I never got so far out of control…but I hurt a lot of people, honestly.” Johnny said he’d since met a new girl and hardly ever leaves her side. Howard asked what Johnny did to his wedding ring tattoo, so Johnny held up his finger, confessing: “I got it lasered.”
Johnny denied ever hooking up with Kate Moss: “No. I knew Kate…I know Kate. She’s very nice, but, uh…” A caller disputed Johnny’s account, saying he was actually in rehab with Kate when Johnny came to visit, so Johnny admitted: “I did visit her. Yeah. Uh…” Howard mentioned Lindsay Lohan as well, but Johnny claimed he’d never banged her either – they’re just victims of media speculation: “I don’t think that puts me in any, uh, in any exclusive club anyway.”

STICK THIS UP YOUR PENIS TWICE DAILY

Johnny told the crew about how he tore his urethra during a stunt, explaining how he has to flush it twice daily by sticking a tube into his penis – all the way up to his bladder (only 10 – 11 inches). Johnny claimed the process prevented scar tissue from constricting: “In the beginning it was [difficult]…it’s not that bad anymore. I’ve gotten used to something horrible.” Howard was appropriately shocked, and Johnny sympathized: “It’s not cool…I’m just like, “Ok, this is a consequence.’” Johnny added that breaking his arm or leg never phased him, but breaking his penis got his attention.ERIC THE MIDGET’S HUGE FOREHEADSteve Langford reported that Johnny Fratto had no intention – despite Eric the Midget’s claims – to buy 200 – 400 tickets to his upcoming appearance. Eric called in to dispute the report, saying Johnny had promised to consider (but hadn’t committed to) buying the tickets. HowardTV then brought up Eric’s webcam feed on the in-studio monitors, and everyone had a laugh at Eric’s comically large (and splotchy) forehead.

Artie confessed that he purchased urine after offering to take on-air drug tests last month: “I paid $500 and I told the kid – he’s trying to get on the fire department, you know. He said, ‘This is brutal. I haven’t done anything in six months’ – He put it in a Poland Spring bottle and I transferred it – with gloves – into something else and wrapped tinfoil around it and hid it behind a couple whiskey bottles.”

This past Sunday’s Super Bowl was the most watched everA drunk Aeroflot pilot caused a passenger revolt in Moscow. MySpace suspended the accounts of 90,000 sex offenders yesterdayMichael Phelps might still be in trouble over those bong hitsCloning dogs is great businessObama keeps nominating the wrong peopleCollege affordability is a rising issue. Bobby Brown is having another kid. Joe Francis is under house arrestAl Franken’s Minnesota Senate race is still undecidedThis year’s flu strain is resistant to inoculationJessica Simpon’s “Private Valentine” is a big hitDenny’s free Grand Slam breakfast promotion got a huge responseHoward said The Jonas Brothers’ “Lovebug” was “pretty gay.”
Jon Hein cited Robert Thompson as his “arch-nemesis.”
Howard read a report about Angie Everhart’s pregnancy
Johnny Knoxville plugged the “Big Ass Happy Family Jubilee” show he hosts on Saturday nights with his cousin, Roger Alan Wade, on Sirius’ Outlaw Country channel.
The crew discussed Frank Gannon’s crush on Robin.
Howard played DJ RevoLucian’s Christian Bale tirade-remix.
Artie brought up Robert Goulet’s rendition of Vinnie Favale’s “Restless, Restless.”
Ronnie the Limo Driver noted that porn star Jesse Jane was married to a 6′7″ dude.

Wednesday’s Show