Wednesday,  January 28, 2009LISA CREEPS ARTIE OUT The Howard Stern Show for January 28, 2009WHY JD?After listening to JD try to explain something, Howard asked him why he said “I don’t know” all the time. JD replied, “I don’t know.”
SAUCE ON SIDE: SO BLANDHoward started off the show telling a story about Beth ordering Chinese food for delivery and having to repeatedly request (on Howard’s behalf) that all sauces come on the side. The lady at the Chinese place kept laughing at Beth’s order: “So bland! So bland! You know, only other person who like sauce on side? Howard Stern!”
ERIC THE MASTURBATORHoward played a few clips from Eric the Midget’s “American Idol” commentary show. Aside from the fact that the show sounds more like a CB radio session, there was on moment in which Eric admitted that his roommate has caught him masturbating.GARY’S STOOL PROBLEMGary told the crew that he was having some people over to watch the Super Bowl in his home theater, but Howard thought it was weird that Gary planned on entertaining during a game he wanted to watch (and giving up all the good seats to his guests). Gary quickly became annoyed with Howard’s criticism: “Everybody’s got an opinion.” A caller came to Gary’s defense, so Howard explained his issue was more general: “He just does everything wrong.”
Gary slipped and said he stood behind the decision, and Howard seized the opportunity: “You’re right. You will be standing.” Gary admitted that there were 8 “comfy” chairs and 3 stools at the bar in the back of the room. Adding that he and his wife would probably be on the stools (with Sal: “So I can keep an eye on him.”), and the guests Mary invited would get the comfy chairs. Gary quipped that the guys in the back always wonder who Howard’s “wheel” would land on on the days there were no guests on the show: today was Gary’s turn.
MEET BILLY THE STUTTERERA caller named Billy stammered his way through a comment on Gary’s Super Bowl Party, so Howard stopped him: “How did we miss this guy? Is this your first-time call?” Billy said he’d called before, but the screeners never believed that his stutter was real. Howard then let Billy get to his point (or, at least, try) – he sided with Gary’s hospitable instincts.

LISA G IS CONCERNED – ABOUT ARTIE’S PENIS

Benjy noted that Lisa G pulled him aside in the hall yesterday and said she was concerned about Artie’s penis, as she couldn’t see a bulge in his now-infamous Rolling Stone portrait: “She said, ‘I’m worried that the heroin shrunk his penis.’”

Lisa G came in to admit that the story was true, and Artie was creeped out: “You’re being weird now. That’s actually weird. I might [really] go to human resources now.”

Howard talked with Susie, a girl who wrote the show to request a date with JD and told her that JD had figured out who she was: “And he totally rejected you…JD’s making it like you’re not up to his standards.” JD came in to say he wasn’t interested in dating someone from Florida: “I’m sure she’s very pretty or whatever, but when we met after [Artie's] show, her eyes were a little crazy…maybe I’m retarded. I don’t know…I’m very shallow.”

JD’S GOT BOOTY LINED UPHoward asked JD if he’d consider just having sex with Susie, but JD claimed he already had plans for the next time he was in her area: “I, uh, sort of might have things set up for Florida.” When asked to explain himself, JD became irritated: “People, dude! I don’t know…I mean, things could change between then and now.”

ARTIE LANGE ON DIRTY TALK

“There’s a time for loving and there’s a time for filthy whoring.”

THE LISA G GAME HAS NO END

Howard promised three callers the chance to win $500 by playing The Lisa G Game – all they had to do was guess how much money Lisa G had made from her charity cookie sales. The guess closest to the amount – without going over – wins the prize. A caller named Gary went with a very generous $650. Another, James, guessed $132. The third, John, one-upped Gary with a guess of $651. Howard then gave the answer – $500 – and awarded James his prize.
Jason came in to dispute the $500 amount, as it was the amount Lisa donated – but all of it didn’t come from the cookie sales. Lisa followed Jason in to confess that he was right: “I didn’t make a lot of money from the cookie sales.” Howard wanted to know the exact amount she made off the cookies, but Lisa refused to say: “It’s embarrassing.” Under pressure, Lisa admitted it was over James’ guess of $132, but not by much.JOHN THE INTERN ALMOST GOT MERC’DJohn the Intern came in to tell a story about his friend getting robbed while to buy pot a couple years ago and disappointing his waiting buddies: “I was like, ‘Damn. I was really excited to have that.’” John said he hunted down the thieves, but when he confronted them, they pulled out knives and threatened to murder him (Telling him, “You’re about to get merc’d.”). John punched one of they guys, but they attacked, stabbing him twice in the back and once in the stomach: “I got stabbed in my kidney and my spleen…I thought it was over.”
An Oklahoma man has been jailed for filming a woman having sex with dogs. Hawaiian Tropic Zone only hires girls who “talk white.”Beware BPA. The GLAAD Awards are coming. Stress makes for fat babiesBlowfish testicles are deadly. Starbucks will no longer brew decaf after noon

Steve Langford reported that Mark the Bagger might soon be out of a job. Wendy the Retard called in to beg for money, saying her wallet had been stolen with $75 in cash and a scratch-off lottery ticket inside.
Howard played a clip of Gary interviewing Bree Olson at the AVN Awards.
Howard played an odd pro-Scientology robocall from Bart Simpson voice actor Nancy Cartwright’s
A caller claimed his name was Percocet Johnny
Howard anticipated that Bubba the Love Sponge and Beth O’s dad would really getting along, because like Bubba, Beth’s dad is a husky former football player.
Robin noted that Heath Ledger was a chess player.
Howard referenced the story of “American Idol” plant
Howard discussed this photo of the Jolie-Pitts.
Wednesday’s Show