THE BIG MAN IS BIG The Howard Stern Show for October 21, 2009

A caller asked Artie why his usual "FIYAH!" catchphrases seemed lackluster at his recent charity gig in Detroit, so Artie explained he'd fallen out of love with it: "It's fun because the crowd likes it, but..." Howard laughed that Artie must be growing as an artist, but Artie sarcastically dismissed the idea: "I just wanna be like Springsteen and have people hold up signs for whatever shit thing I'm known for."

Lisa G came in with the headlines and, in an aside, noted that she recently cried over her red carpet press line placement. Lisa said she got emotional after seeing her spot was behind “more important” media outlets, like the television networks – and most embarrassingly, several dot coms. Howard was miffed at first but then resigned; saying the order of press line import should probably go TV, Internet, Radio and then Satellite Radio, as it's still an emerging technology. Howard joked: "There was a college newspaper ahead of Lisa."

Howard got Tori, a "smoking hot" blond who emailed an entry to date Medicated Pete, on the line and asked if she was honest in her letter in her letter to the show. Tori said she was totally willing to perform as she'd promised: "Yeah, pretty much. We'd have to see how it goes." Tori added: "My religion believes in doing good deeds and I wanna do good deeds." Pete appreciated the sympathy: "That's uh – that's good words."

Howard then got another girl who'd written the show, Lyla – a “little person” – on the line and asked her why she as interested in Pete. Lyla laughed that her 3'11" frame had limited her options: "God knows, guys aren’t beating down my door." Howard joking referenced famed ventriloquist Edgar Bergen's dummy: "Well I'm looking at you here and you have the face of Jenny McCarthy and the body of Charlie McCarthy."

Clarence Clemons stopped by to promote his new book, “Big Man: Real Life & Tall Tales,” and explained the subtitle: "Some of it was made up, most of it is just bullshit." Howard noted that Clarence met Bruce Springsteen in 1974, and Clarence nodded, explaining he felt an instant connection with his future E Street Band companion: "When I first saw him, I knew it. I knew this was it."

Howard asked about the years in which Bruce wasn't working with the E Street Band, and Clarence acknowledged that the (temporary) split upset him: "I was pissed." Howard read a quote from Clarence's book in which Redd Foxx told him to "Watch Bruce Springsteen...just remember that he's white. I don't mean anything bad by that, but when he looks at the world, it's different." Clarence laughed that he had paid the advice no mind: "I was never shocked by anything Redd Foxx said. He was kinda pissed off at the world."

Clarence also credited the E Street Band's longevity to their largely-separate lives: "We don't hang out with each other and get in each other's lives." Clarence also told a story about an "I go or Clarence goes" ultimatum that Vini 'Mad Dog' Lopez reportedly gave to the Boss, leading Howard to commend Bruce's loyalty: "Sometimes you can trust white people! He made the right decision." Clarence said he had no hard feelings toward Vini: "I have no malice – no hatred for him. I can't say sympathy, but...we miss each other."

Clarence told the crew he no longer smoked weed: "I decided it was time to look at the world a different way. I'm a more mature person now...no more weed, man. No more nothing. I stopped drinking alcohol." He also revealed that he once had an orgy with 6 women ("I watched a lot.") and was happy to have knocked up a groupie along the way: "He's a great kid and I'm glad the condom broke."