YEAH, RIDE IT FOR DADDY The Howard Stern Show for March 25, 2009

DOGS IN THE BEDROOM

Howard started off the show complaining that construction in his apartment had upset Bianca’s sleeping routine – and, by proxy, his and Beth’s as well. Gary came in to say he had a similar problem, as his dog sleeps in the bed with him and his wife, making things difficult when they want to have sex. Howard wondered: “Do you ever ask yourself if Mary ever thinks, ‘Oh good! The dog’s in here so I don’t have to have sex with my husband.” Gary shrugged: “Maybe. I don’t know.”

ARTIE RETURNS TO THERAPY

Artie told the crew that he was going to start seeing a therapist again: “I reached out to the guy.” Howard was happy to hear the news, but offered one piece of advice: “Work this out privately. I never want to hear another word about the guy…treat it so sacred, you don’t even make a joke about it.” Artie said that was the plan.

TIM SABEAN CATCHES SOME SHRAPNEL

Howard played some clips from Riley Martin’s in which Riley ranted about the Stern staff, saying: “Every time I detect a smidgen of humanity in them, they kill it.” In another clip, one of Riley’s callers claimed Will hung up every time he called into the Stern show with a Riley question. As Tim Sabean came in to comment, Howard switched gears, noting that Tim’s new diet may have lost him 25lbs, but it’s left him with a problem worse than obesity: “People are saying your breath’s pretty awful.”

RICHARD PEES HIMSELF AGAIN

Richard came in to explain how he wet his pants at work the other day and didn’t go home to change: “ had made a ‘Tradio’ call and it was so funny I pissed my pants…I didn’t do it on purpose. I swear.” Artie said the show wasn’t concerned with Richard’s intent – the issue was that he hadn’t gone to clean himself. Richard said he’d cleaned up with a napkin, but Howard didn’t think that was enough: “Your pants are still full of piss.”

LOU BELLERA RUBS IT

Lou Bellera, Amy Fisher’s husband and sex tape co-star, stopped by to add some of his signature dirty/creepy talk as some girls ride the Sybian, in a competition for the hottest Sybian ride. Howard asked Lou what Amy was up to now, so Lou told the crew she now made ends meet by “feature dancing” at strip clubs: “She has her own Website now.” Lou then thanked Howard for turning his “Let me see your clit” quote into a famous catchphrase – and prepared to meet the girls.

DON’T BE NERVOUS, DADDY’S HERE

All the girls were a little nervous at first, so Lou had them all call him “Daddy,” which oddly enough seemed to make them feel a little better.

The first girl was the most nervous but did seem to enjoy her time on the Sybian. The second contestant explained that she was a recovering heroin addict and had about 15 different tattoos.

Her Sybian ride featured much more interaction between her and Lou than the first one did, including a lot of instructions to “spread this,” “rub that” and “suck on this.”

The final contestant got a lot of compliments on her looks, while Lou turned up the “charm” with his own version of the “babysitter,” asking to see her credentials. Her Sybian ride was so intense, she nearly fell on the ground afterwards, fortunately her “daddy” was there to catch her.

With all the Sybian rides completed, the hands down winner with the hottest, Lou Bellera-directed Sybian ride was contestant #2.

THE LAST LAST COMIC STANDING

The winner of the final season of “Last Comic Standing,” Iliza Shlesinger, stopped by – but before she could say anything, Artie cut in: “Holy shit. That’s the hottest comic ever.” Iliza told the crew she had to tour with four “Last Comic Standing” runners-up and it was awkward: “But I got too see the country and build a fan-base…I would go back to my hotel room every night and cry into a big pile of money.”

Howard asked if Iliza ever tried to play up her good looks on-stage, but Iliza denied it: “I think it’s important to be who you are onstage and offstage.” Iliza added that she rarely felt sexy – some dude recently refused to dance with her, and she couldn’t figure why he didn’t want to “stand there when I rub on you and dance around you.”

PAULY SHORE TRIED TO MOUTH-KISS ME

Iliza told the crew about being introduced by Pauly Shore at the taping for her first comedy special (”He tried to mouth-kiss me on Showtime and I was like, ‘I’m not gonna kick off my comedy career with a kiss from Pauly Shore’”) and complained about doggy-style sex: “Humans are the only animals that have sex facing each other. So why do we call it doggy-style? You never see two goats embracing, eyes locked…horsey-style is much more adorable.”

ROBIN TURNED DOWN KURT ANGLE

Howard asked Robin if she talked with Kurt Angle about their date yet, and she said she had: “He texted me…I was like, ‘This isn’t real. This wasn’t a real thing’…I had to respectfully decline…for ‘personal reasons.’” Howard speculated on the possible meaning of “personal reasons,” but Robin refused to elaborate. Howard was saddened: “You looked smitten.” Robin laughed that she was a great actress.